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Wedding Woes

Family drama

Hi everyone! Planning my wedding and having a lot of anxiety about who will walk me down the aisle. My parents are divorced, I was always very close to my dad but in the past couple years we have had a very strained relationship. We are currently at peace but who knows how long that will last. I love my step dad and my mom and sister are pushing me to have him walk me down the aisle. If my dad was totally out of the picture I would of course ask him to walk me, but if my dad is a guest I would feel awkward about it. My dad also won't take kindly to being left out. Over all just a lot of grief from my mom and sister over it, they don't even want my dad invited. I'm considering walking down by myself, but I do want to include my stepdad in the ceremony somehow. Anyone have any thoughts or a similar situation?

Re: Family drama

  • Agreed with @climbingwife ; but also you could have both your dad and stepdad walk you down the aisle.
    short+sassyOliveOilsMomSTARMOON44
  • Sorry to be blunt about your family members.  But your mom and sister need to STFU about.  And NOW!  PERIOD!  It is 100% up to you, who walks you down the aisle.  I wouldn't discuss it with them anymore and tell them that.

    Or you can walk yourself down the aisle.  Many women chose that.  Another option I've heard is for your groom to walk halfway up the aisle while you walk down the other half yourself, and then the two of you walk to the altar together.  If you're not sure if you want your dad to walk you down the aisle, I'd go with one of those options.

    It should also hopefully shut everyone up if you're choosing an option that has nothing to do with either dad.  Just don't let them know the "controversy" was part of your decision.  You could say something like, "I don't like the more antiquated idea of someone giving me away and have decided I'll walk myself down the aisle.*"  Or, "My FI and are starting our lives together on our wedding day and want our walk to the aisle reflecting that also."

    *No side-eye at all to any one who had a parent/friend/loved one walk them down the aisle. I did.
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    charlotte989875MissKittyDangerSTARMOON44MyNameIsNot
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Mom and sis need to butt out.  It is none of their business.  If your sister wants stepdad to walk HER down the aisle, that is the decision she gets to make when she gets married.  I think you need to tell mom & sister that any talk about your dad is off limits, since this is entirely your decision (from whether he gets invited to walking you down the aisle).

    I have seen a stepdad and dad walk a bride down the aisle together.  I have seen a dad walk the bride and the stepdad do the father/daughter dance.  I have also seen a mom walk the bride down the aisle.   You do whatever feels best for you.  You have also been given other options of walking yourself or having your FI meet you half way. 

    The most traditional entrance to a marriage in the Catholic Church (so it goes back a long way!) is for the B&G to walk in together.  It shows everyone attending that you are both freely walking into marriage together!
    short+sassyMobKazMesmrEwe
  • I am definitely like the idea of him meeting me halfway. I did read that about the Catholic Church and I love that!
  • Ro041Ro041 member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    You can have them both walk you down the aisle.  My brother-in-law and nephew walked me down the aisle.  It was perfect.  You can walk by yourself.  That's ok too.  Regardless, tell your family that it is your decision and that they need to butt out. 

    If you want to include both of them, you can always get them both boutonnieres and include them both in the program.  Example:

    Bride's Parents:
    Mrs. Joan Smith 
    Mr. John Smith
    &
    Mr. Peter Jones

    Groom's Parents:
    Mrs. Ruth Johnson
    Mr. Paul Johnson 

    short+sassy
  • This is your decision and your decision alone. 

    I walked down the aisle by myself for a number of reasons and I don't regret it at all.
    image
  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Yes - Mom & Sis need to STFU and you need to be strong enough to say so or bean dip if you have to!  This IS NOT their decision to make AT ALL nor offer counsel on.  Given the situation I almost wonder if there isn't a bit of gaslighting involved on their part in this that you need to be cognizant of.  

    I'm pro having both or Dad starting and Step Dad being added at the half-way point, or, solo the whole way.  Have a private conversation with your Dad if given the opportunity for what he's comfortable with, this is not a popularity contest.  
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