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Wedding Woes

Classic Prudie: WTELMF?! (I do not remember this one)

Dear Prudence,
I am the middle of three boys and we are all in our 20s. Our parents separated shortly after my younger brother was born and eventually they went through a bitter divorce. Recently, my father, brothers, and I went to a camping-style family wedding together. The facilities were spartan and we all ended up in a communal shower. I’m sure this was the first time all four of us were naked together, and it was certainly the first time I’d seen my younger brother naked since he was little. In the shower, there was a definite “one of these things is not like the other” moment. While my older brother, dad, and myself have fairly similar, if modest, endowments, my younger brother’s male parts were noticeably different (and “better”) than ours in almost every way possible: size, shape, even complexion (!). It was like seeing a great white whale breaching alongside dolphins. None of us look strikingly like our parents, but we are clearly brothers, except for this newly discovered alien appendage on my younger brother. At the reception, my older brother brought this up to me immediately, and we worked out the theory that mom had an affair that gave rise to my baby brother, and his decidedly different genitalia, and the divorce. I don’t think full brothers could have such variation, and the fact that my younger brother’s package is a definite upgrade plays into the theory that maybe mom was shopping around for a better deal. We’d really like to get to the bottom of this, but we’re not sure how to broach this already difficult topic with either parent when our only evidence consists of this sensitive observation.

—No Ahab

Re: Classic Prudie: WTELMF?! (I do not remember this one)

  • Nope nope nope. 
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    What was Prudie’s response? This dude is so insecure about his peen he had to make up an extra marital affair. 


    image
    charlotte989875MissKittyDangershort+sassy
  • this is dumb but could be easily figured out with 23& me or something.
    mrsconn23MesmrEwe
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    levioosa said:
    What was Prudie’s response? This dude is so insecure about his peen he had to make up an extra marital affair. 
    I had to know too, so copied below. This is the weirdest thing I've heard all day.

    It’s the Johnson brothers, Willie, Peter, and Rod! You and your brother got quite an eyeful of baby bro’s one-eyed wonder. I wish I knew what you meant by the superior “complexion” of your brother’s endowment. I’m just supposing that his Moby-Dick gives off a rosy glow due to excess blood flow. There are several ways to approach your central question: Did your mother give your father the shaft? First of all, you seem to be of the opinion that sexual characteristics are inherited only from the parent of the same sex. But as this website points out, genital size, like eye color and height, are traits inherited from both parents. It’s perfectly possible that your mother comes from a family of three-legged men and you and your older brother got the short end of that genetic lottery. You have one ambiguous (though substantial) piece of evidence for your theory that your parents’ divorce was due to your mother’s infidelity. But maybe your mother discovered that while she was gestating your father’s third son, he was the one cheating on her. Despite the nastiness of your parents’ parting, they have kept the reason quiet all these years. Since all of you boys appear to have been happily incurious about their split these many years, it’s probably a good idea to remain that way. You want to establish that your baby brother isn’t really a member of the tribe. But pursuing your hunch will only make a cock-up of things because nothing can change the fact that your father has always embraced all of you as his three sons.
    VarunaTTsparklepants41MesmrEwe
  • Well, my boobs are much larger than my mom's. I must have been switched at birth! 
    I have boobs and my mum doesn't. Same.
    STARMOON44
  • Well, my boobs are much larger than my mom's. I must have been switched at birth! 
    If DD takes after MIL then this is going to be my home.   I only wear them so I can augment what I lack and so the world doesn't know when I'm cold. 
  • I vaguely remember this letter.  It's sheer bizarreness that is so outside normal behavior/thoughts makes me think it is fake.  Perhaps written by a 12-year-old boy.

    If it isn't fake, then what a bunch of weirdos!  So many admiring words about his brother's penis that go beyond just an "it's a lot bigger" statement.  Creepy.  Jumping to their mother having an affair just because of the size difference.  And then actually having a discussion that their mother had this supposed affair because that guy's dick must have been so much bigger than dad's.  As if siblings actually have discussions about their mom's dick preferences (eye roll).

    And now they're trying to figure out how to ask their parents who little bro's father really is.  Ummm, yeah.  Okay.

    It's also making a major assumption that penis size is even that genetic.  Maybe it is, to some extent.  But it also might be more just one of those things. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    ei34
  • ei34ei34 member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    This reeks of jealousy and insecurity on the part of the LW.  If his younger brother's penis was significantly smaller I doubt he'd have jumped to his mother having an affair.  I actually burst out loud laughing when i read this letter. 
     
    Casadenacharlotte989875STARMOON44
  • kerbohlkerbohl member
    Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    ei34 said:
    This reeks of jealousy and insecurity on the part of the LW.  If his younger brother's penis was significantly smaller I doubt he'd have jumped to his mother having an affair.  I actually burst out loud laughing when i read this letter. 
     
    I burst out laughing at the complexion thing.  In my head I pictured this guys doing a double take and then getting ridiculously close to observe all the details.  
    imageimage
    charlotte989875STARMOON44ei34
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    kerbohl said:
    ei34 said:
    This reeks of jealousy and insecurity on the part of the LW.  If his younger brother's penis was significantly smaller I doubt he'd have jumped to his mother having an affair.  I actually burst out loud laughing when i read this letter. 
     
    I burst out laughing at the complexion thing.  In my head I pictured this guys doing a double take and then getting ridiculously close to observe all the details.  
    And can you imagine being the BD brother? Like, he had to notice that his older brother was ogling him in the shower, and then he's going to figure out that both his brothers are talking about his junk. I could never be comfortable again. 
    kerbohlcharlotte989875ei34
  • And women are supposed to be the ones with penis envy? 

    charlotte989875downtondiva
  • I was already baffled by the camping style wedding with communal showers and then it just really went downhill from there. Holy crap. 
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    charlotte989875sparklepants41
  • The penis envy is just the tip of the iceberg on this one. 

    (sorry. I couldn't resist).

    In all seriousness, the LW needs to take a good hard look at what could possibly make him make that kind of an accusation - and to PPs points, also accept that they are jealous and insecure and in need of some counseling - along with the other ogling brother. 
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