Wedding Party

Groomsmen are unresponsive!

I hope this doesn’t sound to brideszilla-ish, but my fiancé’s groomsmen suck! They don’t respond to anything in the group chat ever! We are trying to schedule a tux fitting and an outing for all of them to meet. We scheduled it, and the day before when we sent out a reminder, all but one (there are 7) had things to do all of a sudden. It’s so frustrating to plan anything involving them when they are so unresponsive. Did this happen to you? Am I overreacting? Im so stressed out with wedding stuff, and I don’t know if it’s the wedding stress talking or not. 

Re: Groomsmen are unresponsive!

  • Honestly, the reason everyone has something else to do is because just about everyone does have something better to do than the event you described. It's the sort of thing that's only really fun for your FI because he knows everyone and the fitting is for his wedding. 

    There's no reason they need to meet - groomsmen are not some unofficial, temporary club. They're just the guys who are closest to your FI. He's honoring them and that relationship by asking them to stand up with him as he makes a big life commitment. They don't need to become friends if they aren't already, and most of them probably aren't interested in that.

    A standard expectation is that they show up in a mutually agreeable form of attire, that is below each of their individual budgets, that your FI gets from them in individual conversations (i.e., budget talk should not be part of some group chat - not everyone needs to know what everyone else is willing and able to spend). Then it's up to them to get fitted and whatever else is necessary for it. That also doesn't have to be a group activity.
    ei34short+sassyInLoveInQueenslevioosa
  • There's really no need to schedule an outing for them to all meet, and force them to go to fittings all together. I wouldn't want to have to do that either. 

    Let them get their fittings done on their own time. They don't all need to meet. Forced socialization like that is not fun. 

    Also, let your FI handle his groomsmen. This is not something you need to be involved in. 
    ei34short+sassyInLoveInQueens
  • There is no reason to freak out about this. Quit with the group chats and group meetings. They are obnoxious and unnecessary.

    Your FI (not you!) needs to reach out to each GM individually and let him know the tux details. Each of them can contact the shop with measurements or go in and get fitted on his own. There is absolutely no reason for this to be done as a group. Each GM is then responsible for picking up his own clothes and wearing them to the wedding. 

    The more you try to control and micromanage people, the more they come up with reasons to avoid it. 
  • Honestly I have NEVER heard of a bunch of grown men together going to get fit for the clothing they're wearing for a wedding.    This isn't a bonding event and maybe one of the issues is that they have no interest in doing this as a group.   

    Any time DH or I have been in a wedding the attire fitting has been on our own.   We were asked individually in private for our budgets and then the bride and groom worked with that budget.   Then we were told where to go and what to have by what time.     When BIL used Men's Warehouse for his wedding I think DH was able to say, "My measurements should be what you had on file from two years ago.   Can you call those into the local place where I'll pick up my tux?"    Then he picked it up when we got to town.     Getting spun around by someone with a tape measure while the rest of the room hears how big or small you area is no one's idea of a good time.

    If you want to get them together let that be on your FI.   He can call up the guys and invite them over for drinks.   It's not a big deal - and know that your bridal party only needs to be friends/family with you.   They don't need to be this way with each other. 
  • So my H and some of his GMs went and got their suits together; they had the time, the guys all picked out the suit based on their budget and all got the same one. His brother couldn’t make it so NBD they texted him the info and he got it when he could. 

    But 1) they were all friends and 2) they all arranged it on their own. I had nothing to do with it. 

    If your H wants to get them all together let him figure it out. But it should be optional and guys should be able to get their fittings/whatever on their own time. 
    banana468downtondivaInLoveInQueens
  • ei34ei34 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    This is self-imposed stress.  The bridal party doesn't need to know each other/be friends.  Stop the group chats and have your FI ask each GM privately what his budget is.  Your FI finds a tux below the lowest budget, and sends the link to each of them, and they can each get fitted at their own convenience .  Easy-peasy.
    InLoveInQueens
  • Your FI can deal with the groomsmen and the tux fitting on his own. If they can all go at the same time, fine, and if they can't, that's fine too. Stop making this your problem. 

    It's also not necessary for everyone to become friends just because they're in the same wedding party. They're all adults and they all have different schedules and different priorities, and it just might not be possible for everyone to meet before the wedding.  You need to let this go. 
    image
    InLoveInQueens
  • You are choosing this stress. Have your fi schedule a fitting for his tux. He can message everyone saying ‘Tuxes are at X shop. I’m going for a fitting on Y date if you want to come then and get it sorted. Otherwise you can call 12344 and arrange your own fitting. Please note that the deadline is Z date. Thanks’.


  • Release the detail - Tell the guys where to go to get fitted, it's their responsibility to show up and pay for their rentals.  It's just not a thing for the guys to get together to go to a fitting together, nor to pick them up together (and actually best they individually go to pick them up so they can try them on because it happens far too frequently that something gets messed up during the process anyway)...  Not worth your energy!!
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