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Invites and Paper

Wedding Invites Left Behind

so I finally got around to making our wedding invites. I’m the creative type so I designed them myself and had them printed with envelopes. This past weekend there was a big family party so I decided to personally hand them out to some of the family members that were present. A few days later, my father who was there and stayed after I left, told me there were some wedding invites left behind on the tables. I was kinda bummed. He told me he thinks it may have been a 2nd cousin and maybe someone else. The question is, should I even bring it up to her and confront her? I don’t even know exactly who or how many left them behind. The wedding is a destination wedding May 2020, so I only gave invites. I plan on sending RSVPs at a later date.  How do I handle the situation? I don’t want to hold a grudge. Should I forget it and just focus on the people that want to go? 

Re: Wedding Invites Left Behind

  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Well for one thing you shouldn't have handed out invitations and for another thing it is waayyyy to early to be giving invitations for a 2020 event. Invitations should be mailed 6-8 weeks before a wedding with RSVP due 1-2 weeks before the event. You cousin could have simply put the invite down (that's probably what I would've done) and forgotten to pick it up, so you don't have a reason to hold a grudge. I guess the only thing you can do now is send out your RSVPs and follow up if you don't hear from people. I have never heard of sending invites separately from RSVPs.
    short+sassyInLoveInQueensaisfora86MairePoppy
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    maine7mob said:
    If you don't know who left theirs behind, this means you didn't even write their names on the envelopes. Weddings require personal invitations. You can't just hand them out like coupons.

    If I were you, I would  start over and mail each invitation about 8 weeks before your actual wedding. If you want people to hold the date open, mail them save the date cards.
    LOL yeah. You couldn't be bothered to write out names or spend a stamp, and you expect them to treat this invitation with the utmost formality? Half of them probably thought it was a save the date because the method was so strange, and were probably like "This is clearly gonna be followed up with a real invitation in the mail later."

    People who write the word "confront" in their posts usually have the least valid reasons to confront anyone.
    charlotte989875InLoveInQueenslevioosaMyNameIsNot
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    maine7mob said:
    If you don't know who left theirs behind, this means you didn't even write their names on the envelopes. Weddings require personal invitations. You can't just hand them out like coupons.

    If I were you, I would  start over and mail each invitation about 8 weeks before your actual wedding. If you want people to hold the date open, mail them save the date cards.
    Good point! These invites weren't even addressed to anyone! 

    InLoveInQueens
  • I'll echo everyone else.   Were these even addressed?  

    You treated this as something informal if you handed them out at a party.   And your wedding isn't for nearly a year.   

    This sounds like it was done with the best of intentions but if I received an invitation this far out with no response required I would wonder if you may need a few lessons on planning and etiquette not because you're doing anything mean or rude but because it's not really making sense.  
  • It’s a destination wedding so I wanted to give people time to book the venue. I’ll send out RSVPs separate. I know. It’s crazy. It’s my first time. 🙈
  • Thanks for the feedback everyone! 
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited July 30
    It’s a destination wedding so I wanted to give people time to book the venue. I’ll send out RSVPs separate. I know. It’s crazy. It’s my first time. 🙈
    This isn't one of those things where you're at an all-inclusive and they have to stay there in order to attend the wedding, is it? That would be essentially an unhosted admission fee to your wedding. As long as there are alternate (read: cheaper) options for places to stay, and they can still get in to the wedding, it's fine, but otherwise that isn't okay. Regardless, any destination wedding - although a valid choice for you and your FI to make - is expensive and sometimes a hassle for guests. So if you perceive any lack of enthusiasm for going, don't read into it as lack of enthusiasm for your marriage. People just don't always like to spend their vacation time and money on a location they don't actually get to choose.

    My wedding has been my only one so far, but I avoided making silly and possibly relationship-damaging mistakes on my "first time" by thinking of my guests first and asking for advice from some of the level-headed ladies here. Stick around and you're welcome to do the same.
    ILoveBeachMusic
  • With a destination wedding what you need to do is break that into two phases:

    Phase 1: Save The Dates
    These are sent to the guests that you KNOW will be invited to the wedding so they are able to budget and book travel.   In that Save The Date you need to include the where and when and any room blocks or discounts that are available to your guests and how they need to reference them.  They are sent 6-9 months before your wedding. 

    Phase 2: Wedding Invitations
    These are sent 6-8 weeks (maybe up to 12 weeks if you're sending invitations out of the country and need much more time for the mail travel) before the wedding.   Those need to include a lot of the same information as in the save the date but they are more detail oriented and include the need for a guest to respond including response date and preferred method. 

    For now I'd treat what you did as handing out save the dates.   You will need to craft actual invitations to be sent in 2020.  Let us know if you need assistance with that wording! 
    charlotte989875aisfora86MairePoppy
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    It’s a destination wedding so I wanted to give people time to book the venue. I’ll send out RSVPs separate. I know. It’s crazy. It’s my first time. 🙈
    What do people have to book?? It it just a hotel? 

    I agree with treating this as a STD. Did you give people booking info? You'll need to send out another round of invites in 6-8 weeks out, that includes a RSVP. 

    charlotte989875
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    It’s a destination wedding so I wanted to give people time to book the venue. I’ll send out RSVPs separate. I know. It’s crazy. It’s my first time. 🙈
    What? It's not their job to book the venue! You book the venue; you're planning the wedding!

    No, you don't confront anyone. And the fact that you're considering it means you are being completely ridiculous. This whole thing is caused by your weird pseudo-invitation, no one did anything wrong. Just pretend like the thing you handed out was a Save the Date, continue planning, and send an actual invitation (addressed to people) by mail in the spring. You can ask for an RSVP with the real invitation. 

    Also, before you spend hours designing something, spend a few minutes reading up on the very basics of how you invite someone to something. It may be your first wedding, but a 15 minute google search would have avoided this whole thing. Putting out the bare minimum effort to figure these things out ahead of time is much more efficient than doing things and having to correct them after the fact.
    charlotte989875ILoveBeachMusicInLoveInQueens
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