Wedding 911

The worst case scenario

edited August 2019 in Wedding 911
My immediate family besides my sister is not invited to my wedding.
They are extremely religious and have always hated my SO because they think he’s the reason I’m not religious anymore. They have been disrespectful for years. They have told me they would not come to the wedding. They have refused to acknowledge the wedding’s existence after telling me they wouldn’t come. So, they didn’t get invited. And now, with the wedding less than a month away, I am told through a friend that was talking to my sister that (after a few drinks) she spilled the my dad and brother are planning on sneaking into the reception.

I had already been getting over them not being there. I have gotten over them not supporting me and have been healing for a long time. 

I don’t know what to do. I can kick them out, but I don’t want to cause a commotion. I can let them stay but they have just shown me the ultimate disrespect of telling me for so long that they aren’t coming, and then deciding to sneak in. They couldn’t tell me they changed their mind, wanted to make up and be supportive. I don’t know what they hope to gain. They’ve done this in the worst, most hurtful way possible.

I’m just shocked and numb and hurt. I’ve had nightmares about this, and it will probably come true.

I'm lost, what can I do?

Re: The worst case scenario

  • You are at an impasse.  Are you sure your sister is reliable?  It hardly sounds “godly” to break into, and ruin the wedding of your own daughter.  

    Do you want them there?

    Flat out invite them if you have the space.  They can accept or decline.  If they decline, then you are well within your rights to kick them out if they decide to show up.  You don’t want people to sympathize with them when they say they were forced to do it because you didn’t invite them.

  • Ugh, that's really awful. 

    Are you ceremony and reception at the same venue? If so, hire a security guard to keep them out. Provide security with pictures of them. I'd personally be worried of them coming in and causing a scene, even without being asked to leave. What are they even try to accomplish by sneaking in?
  • It sounds like you are still on good terms with your sister.  Since this info supposedly came from her in a conversation with a mutual friend, I'd ask her directly about it.  Sometimes info or nuances can be lost, when it is passed along to someone else.

    If this is still a worry you have after speaking to your sister, I agree with the other PPs that you should hire security for your event.  With pics of your dad/brother and instructions they are not invited.  I think it would give you a lot of peace of mind.  Security can be that 3rd party vendor, as opposed to you, who are the ones not allowing entry or asking them to leave.  And have the experience to do those things as smoothly as possible.
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  • I think it's all a matter of whether or not you want them there.   If  you want them there then I'd send a last minute invitation telling them that you love them and hope that you can count on them for their support.

    If you vehemently do not want them there then I would hire security to prevent them from sneaking in.  
  • edited August 2019
    If you can, confirm with your sister. That way you know not just from a second hand after drinks conversation. 

    You have some options; you can ignore it now and ask security to deny them entry, you can let them stay even though you don’t want them there. 

    One other thing you can do is call them up and say “I heard you’re planning to attend the wedding even though you’ve said you disapprove and would not attend. Given our differences over my life choices I think it would be better for all of us if you do not attend. If you are ready to make amends to us, you know our number and we can discuss this after the wedding”. You know your family dynamic and whether this would help or hurt the situation, but it may mean you can address it before hand and not leave it up to chance wether they attend. 

    ETA: This really sucks and I’m sorry you’re having to deal with it! 
  • Wow. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.

    As PPs suggest, I would have security on hand who can turn them away or remove them if you do admit them but they behave inappropriately.
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