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Wedding Woes

Dating after loss

(TW: death by suicide)



Dear Prudence,

My husband committed suicide four days before our daughter turned 2 in April this year. We were married for over eight years. It was unexpected, untimely, devastating, and difficult to say the very least. I still love him, miss him, and speak about him often. Recently, I met someone very nice who supports me discussing my husband when I want to, who thinks I’m pretty, intelligent, fun, and all of the typical bubbly things you admire about someone romantically. I feel like if my family and friends knew I was dating someone, they would be upset or question why I’m dating again so quickly. But it’s nice to feel appreciated and pretty right now. It’s nice to get roses. It’s nice to feel something other than severe grief. What do you think? Is it too soon to be dating? Should I slow down?

—Dating Again

Re: Dating after loss

  • I think LW needs to speak to a grief counsellor to at least understand that guilt about dating {even assuming others won't be happy} is normal, and their happiness is more important.

    I mean, as a personal observation, it seems soon but it's not my life?

    Tbh in the end, it doesn't matter how long LW waits to meet someone, people will likely still have the same opinion.
    VarunaTTmrsconn23OurWildKingdom
  • Enjoy all the moments that you can!

    But also understand that your dating life does not need to be public.   Take the steps that you feel like taking and share that with people when the time is right. 

    Dating =/= sharing holidays and introducing to family.   
    MissKittyDangercharlotte989875ei34OurWildKingdom
  • What a heartbreaking letter.  It's so unfortunate that society can make people feel like there's some magical timeframe that a widow/widower needs to "wait" before dating someone else.

    If the LW feels ready to date and is having a positive experience, then that's the answer.  No guilt.  If they're not ready to tell others because they're worried they will be judged, that's fine also.  And probably a wise move.  They certainly don't need more anxiety in their life right now.
    Loss and divorce are the same when it comes to society's reactions also
    short+sassyOurWildKingdom
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    "When should I have planned to meet someone great? How would I have even controlled that?"
    charlotte989875MissKittyDangerOurWildKingdomcupcait927
  • downtondivadowntondiva member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited August 8
    There's no set in stone timeline for grieving that everyone has to follow. It's different for everybody. And just because you are dating someone doesn't mean you have to tell the whole world about the relationship right away. 
    image
    short+sassyOurWildKingdomMesmrEwe
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