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LW sounds...restless.

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Re: LW sounds...restless.

  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    edited August 23
    @ei34, I'm even younger than  your parents so I totally get how they feel. My H is kind of in the middle (64 years old) so there are some big differences in how we grew up. Vaccines, music, tv etc.

    edited for clarity
    ei34
  • ei34ei34 member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    @ei34, I'm even younger than  your parents so I totally get how they feel. My H is kind of in the middle (64 years old) so there are some big differences in how we grew up. Vaccines, music, tv etc.

    edited for clarity
    Yes! As an older millennial I know how you and my parents feel.  It's amusing at best, frustrating at worst when a generation you're a part of but don't fully relate to gets discussed and dissected ad nauseam. 
    charlotte989875
  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited August 23
    ei34 said:
    @ei34, I'm even younger than  your parents so I totally get how they feel. My H is kind of in the middle (64 years old) so there are some big differences in how we grew up. Vaccines, music, tv etc.

    edited for clarity
    Yes! As an older millennial I know how you and my parents feel.  It's amusing at best, frustrating at worst when a generation you're a part of but don't fully relate to gets discussed and dissected ad nauseam. 
    I think this is just an effect of access to information.  Gen X has the exact same thing happen to them (the discussion alone of our apathy, laziness, and ennui as displayed in movies was annoying AF).  I think these types of discussions really started with the Boomers, mostly b/c the generation names were really started up to identify marketing demographics, more than any sort of sociological characterizations and have just started to be applied into other fields.

    ETA:  Now I'm remembering all the crap around Singles, Girl Interrupted, and Prozac Nation).
    ILoveBeachMusiccharlotte989875ei34
  • ei34 said:
    ei34 said:
    It's blurry but I thought Millennials were 1980-96 or '82-'98.  I've read some "Xennial" articles too and can relate.  Being an older millennial ('84 born) and graduating before the recession, owning instead of renting, easily remembering using encyclopedias/writing vs typing papers for school, calling friends' houses and speaking w/ their parents before talking to them, etc...it's different than my mid-90s born cousins.  Although I'm sure when they're in their 50s and I'm in my 60s we'll have more in common.  Generations are broad, it's hard to capture every member of one in one stroke. 
    Sometimes Gen X is referred to as the silent generation, I can see why, I feel like you hear so much about Boomers and Millennials.  Unless there's a generation btwn boomers and GenX, maybe that's the silent generation?  It's hard to keep track :D
    The silent generation is the one before the boomers. They're the silent generation because they were generally reared during the depression and didn't really get to "say" anything as youth because they were just trying not to starve to death. 
    Ah, makes sense. Thanks for the explanation.  I only knew it was a generation that wasn't Boomers or Millennials.  Sorry, silent generation, for my ignorance and for treating you like the forgotten middle child in a big family!

    @MissKittyDanger there may be some US/Canada differences, in the US if you're born in the 80s (certainly by '82)  you're a Millennial.  "Xennial" is clever but officially going with Gen X or Milliennial, we're both the latter.  I was referring to my handful of 21-to-25 year old cousins who had cell phones in grade school, were too young to feel 9/11 the way the older cousins did, etc ...I think as we all get older well be more *NSYNC (older millennial reference  :) ) My parents at 60 and 63 are very young boomers...sometimes they feel "like Boomers" other times they don't.
    Tbh it's not that I have anything against Millennials, it's just such a large area to be grouped with. BIL and my cousin are the same age {25} and they're also Millennials but I often feel I have nothing in common with them?

    My parents are '60 and '61 and they feel same about nothing in common with Boomers.
  • What's odd is that I'm technically Gen X (1980) and my brother is a Millenial (1983) so I agree it's odd to lump us into two generations when we are all of 3 years apart.   I "get" that you have to draw a line somewhere but it's why I see so many overlaps. 

    It's always trendy to criticize the youngest group who is coming up.   Sometimes those criticisms are relevant and other times they can come from positions of a lack of knowledge so instead their new behaviors are criticized.   MIL rolls her eyes that DH and I use our cell for plenty of things but she still works with a paper calendar.
    charlotte989875short+sassyMissKittyDangerei34
  • If you were born in '87, you are definitely a millennial. 

    I was born in '80, and I consider myself more part of Gen X. I really don't identify with Millennials for a lot of reasons. My H is also Gen X, born in '73. 

    My parents are Boomers, both born in 1950, and my grandparents were all part of the "greatest generation". They lived through the Depression and fought in WWII. 

    Anyway, I do feel it's fucked up that Millennials catch so much shit. The Millennials I do work with all seem hardworking and driven, and are not entitled. To paint everyone with the same brush is just not fair. 

    And yes, it seems the whole midlife crisis thing really started with the Boomers. I remember watching my quite a few of my dad's friends buy sports cars, get divorced, and date younger women. If that's wasn't peak 1990s midlife crisis behavior, I don't know what was! 
    So much yes! It's not I don't wanna be considered a Millennial because of that - because it's obv not true - it's just the large lump ...
    Like there is 7 yrs between my cousin and BIL and I, I feel like we grew up in different eras {'87 vs '94}

    Millennial or not, I always try to stand up for them/us because - as I keep reminding people - things done in the '60s/70's are what we're paying for.
  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing Alaska member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    She updated in the chat today. I'm kind of eye rolling. 

    Q. Update—Re: Supportive boyfriend versus showbiz dreams (Aug. 22, 2019): Thank you for responding to my email about moving to L.A. It was surreal and cool. I considered your cautious advice—believe me when I say I have considered all the things you outlined. I was severely underemployed for two years and do not take major financial decisions lightly.

    Nonetheless, I now have a very strong sense that moving is what I need to do. I am tired of tamping down my dreams for the sake of the misplaced kindness and caution of others. I have done that for 27 years, from my parents trying to gently steer me away from the arts to math, to college professors telling me I was “too smart to perform” despite my earnest and vulnerable efforts to explain my dreams. While I thank you for the kindness and concern in your letter, I strongly feel the need to tell you—and others, retroactively—You can fuck right off. 


  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Damn. She told Prudie to fuck off. 

    Also LOL that 27 is "older" when getting into acting. 

    charlotte989875STARMOON44banana468OliveOilsMom
  • Sounds like LW should take the advice she just gave Prudie. 
    MissKittyDanger
  • She updated in the chat today. I'm kind of eye rolling. 

    Q. Update—Re: Supportive boyfriend versus showbiz dreams (Aug. 22, 2019): Thank you for responding to my email about moving to L.A. It was surreal and cool. I considered your cautious advice—believe me when I say I have considered all the things you outlined. I was severely underemployed for two years and do not take major financial decisions lightly.

    Nonetheless, I now have a very strong sense that moving is what I need to do. I am tired of tamping down my dreams for the sake of the misplaced kindness and caution of others. I have done that for 27 years, from my parents trying to gently steer me away from the arts to math, to college professors telling me I was “too smart to perform” despite my earnest and vulnerable efforts to explain my dreams. While I thank you for the kindness and concern in your letter, I strongly feel the need to tell you—and others, retroactively—You can fuck right off. 

    Well I guess she has her answer then
    charlotte989875ei34
  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited August 28
    I mean, I really couldn't have called it any closer.  She's listened to people her whole life tell her what to do and now she's telling them all to fuck off and is going to do what she wants. I can almost guarantee she's in her late 30s, damn close to 40.  I've lived this midlife crisis (and I'm hella better off for it, even with carrying the baggage leftover).  She just wanted validation and Prudie didn't give it to her.  And really, I think everyone in this (LW and Prudie) is a lot right and a little wrong.  But sometimes, you just have to say "Fuck this" and go.  It doesn't sound like she has kids or is actually married or has other responsibilities that she shouldn't set aside, so go for it, LW.  I wish LW luck in however in works out.

    ETA:  I also think we're forgetting that LW is an older adult with an actual degree and experience in a marketable field.  She's going to be fine in LA while trying to break into the industry.
    charlotte989875banana468
  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited August 28
    The first hurdle the LW will run into is just finding a place to live.  Never mind it is expensive AF.  There is also an extreme housing shortage in a state with draconian landlord/tenant laws.  From my understanding, landlords and even people just renting out rooms have their PICK of applicants to choose from in/around L.A..  She'll have a real hard time finding anyone even willing to rent to someone unemployed and new to town.

    But then, that's what all the "hopefuls" deal with who arrive in L.A. every day and manage.  Or don't.

    I'd guess it might be a little easier to find a place in the suburbs.  It will still be expensive AF.  Though then she'll spend half her life in traffic driving to any audition she can get a chance at.

    I also went to go read Prudie's advice.  Which wasn't even necessarily trying to "tamp" down her dreams!  It was asking her practical questions that she should be considering in her plans/decisions.  But sure.  F**k off Prudie and everybody else.  Who needs practicality, like where to live/paying for food/finding an agent, when you're chasing your dreams. 
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    MesmrEwe
  • Part of pursuing your dreams is having a plan.   LW seems to have a degree that will get her a job but is not thinking of any set of plans to make it happen.  So....while she's telling everyone to fuck off I hope she isn't burning any bridges that may be helpful while she's walking on her path to dreamville.  

    She's a big girl in charge of her own decisions.   And at some point if people aren't hiring her she's going to have to accept that people are not going to be forced to validate her. 
    charlotte989875short+sassyei34
  • banana468 said:
    Part of pursuing your dreams is having a plan.   LW seems to have a degree that will get her a job but is not thinking of any set of plans to make it happen.  So....while she's telling everyone to fuck off I hope she isn't burning any bridges that may be helpful while she's walking on her path to dreamville.  

    She's a big girl in charge of her own decisions.   And at some point if people aren't hiring her she's going to have to accept that people are not going to be forced to validate her. 
    This is actually the part that I find the most ridiculous and eyerolling.

    I think the LW should pursue her dreams, even if they are a long shot, if she feels this strongly about them.  But her original letter and response give the impression that she is being incredibly foolish about it.  For example, I don't think she's planning to look for a job in her current line of work because of this "all or nothing" attitude she has.  Though I'm sure she'll find herself soon enough with the blinders off and the realization that she can't pay her bills with dreams.

    Then Prudie's answer, overall, isn't discouraging.  It's basically suggesting she make a good plan and includes questions she should ask herself on how she's going to do X, Y, and Z.  And her response is telling Prudie to f**k off?  Really?

    Here's where I'm going to play a little "armchair psychologist" ;).  Without much of a plan, she's already setting herself up for failure in an endeavor that would be very challenging, even if she does go in with a great plan.  I wonder if, subconsciously, she's afraid to try as hard as she can because the risk of failure is so high anyway.  But if she at least "tries" to her conscious mind and fails, then she can move past this dream without regrets and move on to more attainable ones.
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    banana468charlotte989875ei34
  • banana468 said:
    Part of pursuing your dreams is having a plan.   LW seems to have a degree that will get her a job but is not thinking of any set of plans to make it happen.  So....while she's telling everyone to fuck off I hope she isn't burning any bridges that may be helpful while she's walking on her path to dreamville.  

    She's a big girl in charge of her own decisions.   And at some point if people aren't hiring her she's going to have to accept that people are not going to be forced to validate her. 
    This is actually the part that I find the most ridiculous and eyerolling.

    I think the LW should pursue her dreams, even if they are a long shot, if she feels this strongly about them.  But her original letter and response give the impression that she is being incredibly foolish about it.  For example, I don't think she's planning to look for a job in her current line of work because of this "all or nothing" attitude she has.  Though I'm sure she'll find herself soon enough with the blinders off and the realization that she can't pay her bills with dreams.

    Then Prudie's answer, overall, isn't discouraging.  It's basically suggesting she make a good plan and includes questions she should ask herself on how she's going to do X, Y, and Z.  And her response is telling Prudie to f**k off?  Really?

    Here's where I'm going to play a little "armchair psychologist" ;).  Without much of a plan, she's already setting herself up for failure in an endeavor that would be very challenging, even if she does go in with a great plan.  I wonder if, subconsciously, she's afraid to try as hard as she can because the risk of failure is so high anyway.  But if she at least "tries" to her conscious mind and fails, then she can move past this dream without regrets and move on to more attainable ones.
    That's a decent theory.

    The other part to me is that she's not as invested in the current relationship as she says she is.   

    She doesn't know what she wants and fuck anyone who will tell her this.  Instead she's getting defensive. 

    She hasn't responded with a rebuttal but instead the walls are going up.   Good luck with that can-do attitude. 
    MesmrEweei34short+sassy
  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited August 28
    I don't get what you guys are getting from the OG LW or her response.  She states she's considered those things (finances, etc); she doesn't even really speak about those things in her OG letter, she's concerned about her relationship and how to handle that.  And I've so lived the experience of asking someone THIS question about THIS thing, and instead they decide to answer a question not asked or rain on my parade b/c of their own baggage.

    Sometimes you just go.  You don't have to have a well thought out, conceived plan.  Sometimes you go and that's step A and you might have step B and C already, but you don't necessarily need D through Q lined out.  Feelings like that are probably why she's been listening to everyone her whole life and kept herself from doing things and now she's saying Fuck it.  

    I got nothing but Yay flags for her.  No matter how it goes, she's going to learn a lot about herself.  

    Also, I think it's a bit unfair to place all of the burden on her in the relationship.  He doesn't want to leave whatever it is he has more than he wants her.  That's okay, but let's not act like he's not making a choice here as well.
    charlotte989875
  • VarunaTT said:
    I don't get what you guys are getting from the OG LW or her response.  She states she's considered those things (finances, etc); she doesn't even really speak about those things in her OG letter, she's concerned about her relationship and how to handle that.  And I've so lived the experience of asking someone THIS question about THIS thing, and instead they decide to answer a question not asked or rain on my parade b/c of their own baggage.

    Sometimes you just go.  You don't have to have a well thought out, conceived plan.  Sometimes you go and that's step A and you might have step B and C already, but you don't necessarily need D through Q lined out.  Feelings like that are probably why she's been listening to everyone her whole life and kept herself from doing things and now she's saying Fuck it.  

    I got nothing but Yay flags for her.  No matter how it goes, she's going to learn a lot about herself.  

    Also, I think it's a bit unfair to place all of the burden on her in the relationship.  He doesn't want to leave whatever it is he has more than he wants her.  That's okay, but let's not act like he's not making a choice here as well.
    I think she should totally nope out of this relationship and purse her dreams. 

    But I also think its unrealistic to expect that everyone, everywhere is going to be over the moon and encouraging to turn your life upside down. And to be all “fuck off” if they’re not. That doesn’t mean she shouldn’t do it, or that she’s wrong for wanting to try. 

    Why does she care care so much about what Prudie and these other people think if she feels this strongly?
    climbingwifemrsconn23
  • VarunaTT said:
    I don't get what you guys are getting from the OG LW or her response.  She states she's considered those things (finances, etc); she doesn't even really speak about those things in her OG letter, she's concerned about her relationship and how to handle that.  And I've so lived the experience of asking someone THIS question about THIS thing, and instead they decide to answer a question not asked or rain on my parade b/c of their own baggage.

    Sometimes you just go.  You don't have to have a well thought out, conceived plan.  Sometimes you go and that's step A and you might have step B and C already, but you don't necessarily need D through Q lined out.  Feelings like that are probably why she's been listening to everyone her whole life and kept herself from doing things and now she's saying Fuck it.  

    I got nothing but Yay flags for her.  No matter how it goes, she's going to learn a lot about herself.  

    Also, I think it's a bit unfair to place all of the burden on her in the relationship.  He doesn't want to leave whatever it is he has more than he wants her.  That's okay, but let's not act like he's not making a choice here as well.
    I think the issue to me is that LW is basing her NEED to move to LA and be there to fulfill her need to perform on a trip - a vacation?   She didn't state what the purpose of that trip was but saying you want to move to a huge city like LA based on a short visit is like saying that you want to live in Orlando because you really love Mickey Mouse on your April vacation.    

    LW said, "We live in a beautiful city with an active arts scene, but I am such a highly ambitious person that I know I would rather fall off the fourth rung of the highest ladder than climb to the top of a shorter one."  

    This tells me that she has not even started to climb the alleged "shorter ladder" rungs.  She just knows that she feels like she does not want to to be in the pool of limited fish.   She wants to be in the pool with all the really big fish.

    Furthermore, she discusses possible marriage with this person - a lifetime commitment that one makes with a partner in one sentence and in the next they are simply not in agreement with their geographical requirements.     She both "needs" to be in LA and refuses to compromise with her potential marriage partner.   Her partner is pretty candid: LA is not right for him for many reasons and her desire to change the course of action doesn't change his love for her but they are not compromising.   

    Perhaps I'm not reading this correctly but I am seeing that she's said she's dealt with people telling her that this isn't a great idea for 27 years which makes me think that she's not much older than 27.   Furthermore, she has not mentioned any local success that she may have had at a local level.  ANYONE I know who moved to a city to pursue any kind of performance-based career at least had success.   I'm having a hard time understanding what her "on the side" is and if any activity at the local level is promising.   Has she looked into the largest big city area?  Is there an agent?   

    She's welcome to do whatever she wants here and I do applaud her for wanting to achieve her goals.   My larger gripe is that she essentially wrote, "I don't have any success in in this field, I'm constantly told that I'm not fit for it and I haven't demonstrated ways that I plan to succeed other than changing my geographic location.   How can I make a long term marriage work this way?"   I think her head is firmly up in the clouds and her attitude about the advice given is located in an orifice. 
    Casadena
  • kvrunskvruns member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Damn. She told Prudie to fuck off. 

    Also LOL that 27 is "older" when getting into acting. 
    I took it as she's been doing what others want for 27 years, so I think she's in her 40s where the clock started in her teens on having to do what others wanted. 
    charlotte989875VarunaTTlevioosa
  • kvruns said:
    Damn. She told Prudie to fuck off. 

    Also LOL that 27 is "older" when getting into acting. 
    I took it as she's been doing what others want for 27 years, so I think she's in her 40s where the clock started in her teens on having to do what others wanted. 
    I'm doubtful that she met this boyfriend in a university where they both received the same degrees, claims that she was underemployed for "two whole years" and that she's done this for 27 years as equaling she's in her 40s.   I think she's in her 30's at the very oldest and her under-employment of two years is only exacerbating her naivete at goal setting. 
    climbingwifeCasadena
  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited August 28
    The first letter is what made me think she was staring down the tunnel at her 40s, b/c she has a masters and what she seems to imply as a successful career.  I also assumed the master's program was where they met, or a performance at a university setting  Basically, I took the "27 years" as starting when she started talking about wanting to be a performer (which I expected to be high school when they start making you suddenly plan for the rest of your life and it maths out).  

    IDK, I probably can't separate myself out from this story.  I've counseled younger friends that it's easier to take the plunge when you're young and have more energy and to go find out if that's what they want to do.  Hell, if she really is only 27, I'd encourage her even more to take the plunge, b/c if it does all go to hell and back, she has time to recover before she starts hitting her 40s and life has to start looking different b/c now you're thinking about your 80s.  I have to work really hard not to regret certain decisions I made, that were good decisions at the time based on what I knew then.  And they were the safer decisions, against a "I don't know the outcome" decisions.  Now...they're still not bad decisions, but I wouldn't make them based on what I know now as the results of the "safe" decision.  So, make the scary "might be bad" decision and deal with come what may (I mean, there is a limit, "might be bad" can't be murder, drugs, etc.).

    And again, her partner has also made a choice and it's not to leave.  She has to decide how she wants to deal with that choice and I think it's fine to break up and leave.  There's more than 4 nice men, too.
    charlotte989875
  • Also, I think the LW is unclear about how the career stands now, which might account for some differences of opinion.  I assumed, being in a music program in college, and "figuring out the trajectory of my performing career" = already has a small career, and rather than working to be a big fish in a small pond, she wants to take the leap into the big pond and see how it works.  I never though she was starting from point 0 in her writings in performing.  
    charlotte989875
  • VarunaTT said:
    Also, I think the LW is unclear about how the career stands now, which might account for some differences of opinion.  I assumed, being in a music program in college, and "figuring out the trajectory of my performing career" = already has a small career, and rather than working to be a big fish in a small pond, she wants to take the leap into the big pond and see how it works.  I never though she was starting from point 0 in her writings in performing.  
    Actually, this was my assumption too!  That her career, so far, has been in the more typical arena of business.  Specifically marketing.  But she also still has musical performances, outside of that.  I pictured her maybe being in a local band.

    I could have sworn she wrote she was in her early 40s.  I read back through the letter 3x looking for it, lol.  But she doesn't say that.  She just says she's "older", but that's in relation to what she thinks the average age of an actress starting out is.

    In her update, I don't think she's saying she is 27 years old.  I think she's referring to how long people have been pushing her away from the arts.  She specifically mentions her professors, but it could have been a bit sooner than college because she also mentions her parents doing that.

    Though my advice wouldn't be any different for whatever age she is.  It tends to be easier to change course when people are younger.  But, other than her current SO, it doesn't sound like she's very attached to anything currently in her life anyway.

    On "ages", I can see that in myself, lol.  I moved from CA to NOLA when I was 23.  Totally left the life I'd always known.  All my friends and family.  I knew one person who lived in NOLA, lol.  I wasn't coming for a job.  Just figured I'd get one when I got here.  It was a major decision, yes.  There were a lot of things I thought about and some things I planned for.  For example, I rented an apartment sight-unseen so I'd have somewhere to land with my moving truck.  But none of it felt that risky.  I was young and unencumbered.  My expenses were few.  If I didn't like NOLA after a year or two, I'd pick up and go somewhere else.  Hindsight being 20/20, it was a one of the best decisions I've made.

    Now, I actually would like to leave again and go somewhere else.  But it is not nearly so easy this time!  So many roots are down.  I could leave if I really wanted to.  However, the effort to leave isn't worth it yet, so we stay.  Though my H and I are making general plans for maybe in a few years.  
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