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Wedding Woes

Do you have to choose right now?

Dear Prudence,

I’ve gone through a lot in the last year. My now ex-husband left me after I finally got pregnant after years of trying. I decided to get an abortion, which was the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make, although I think it was the right one. I later started dating a friend of mine who’d supported me throughout the process. He’s not a conventional partner: He has a criminal history that he takes responsibility for, lives paycheck to paycheck, and is covered in tattoos, but he’s also smart, family-oriented, funny, and makes me feel excited and loved. However, we were dating long-distance, which was very hard. I got frustrated and looked for local companionship. I found a conventionally attractive man who is kind, silly, sweet. But he doesn’t excite me like my long-distance flame.

Now it’s getting to the “DTR” conversation, and I can’t choose, even as many times as I try to do mental gymnastics. On paper (literally, I’ve made compulsive lists), my local guy would be a better “investment.” In my heart, I long for my exciting, unconventional man. Am I being selfish in trying to have my cake and eat it too? Or is this something that a grown woman must decide alone?

—I Can’t Choose

Re: Do you have to choose right now?

  • Why does she feel she needs to choose now?  And why is she treating this like a choice between the reliable station wagon or the improving sports car?  


    MesmrEwe
  • A better question is where is this LDR going?  If it's indefinitely an LDR, she should move on.  And not with local guy.  She's obviously not that into him.

    I guess I more picked up from the letter that the "negatives" of LDR guy was he is lives far away.  Despite some of the other things she said that were implied negatives for her, I don't think this would even be a question if they lived near each other.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I'm not sure what DTR stands for, but maybe back off for a bit since it's only been a year from what sounds like an incredibly traumatic divorce and life event for LW.  Either dump/date them both, but don't lock anything down.
    charlotte989875downtondiva
  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing Alaska member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    VarunaTT said:
    I'm not sure what DTR stands for, but maybe back off for a bit since it's only been a year from what sounds like an incredibly traumatic divorce and life event for LW.  Either dump/date them both, but don't lock anything down.
    Define The Relationship.

    short+sassyVarunaTT
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