Dear Prudence,
I am fairly allergic to peanuts. I’m not necessarily going to die if I eat one, but I will have an unpleasant visit to an urgent care center. I am cautious about my allergy and always mention my restrictions when eating out or dining at someone’s home. I have a friend, “Tina,” whom I love dearly, but she is a space cadet when it comes to details. As a result, she’s hosted two dinners in the last year that exposed me to peanuts, resulting in embarrassing (and panicked) exits for me. She was sincerely and profusely apologetic both times, and I forgave her oversights.
The thing is that she’s hosting another friends dinner next month and is begging me to come. She very badly wants to make up for the other two dinners and promises this time that she’s going above and beyond to take the necessary precautions. I want to trust her, but I don’t know if I do. I almost feel triggered at the thought of another dinner at her place. My sympathetic side feels guilty for being so afraid of a simple dinner with friends, but the anxious side of me is screaming to avoid this occasion like the plague. What do I do? Do I put my trust in her a third time? Or do I run and hide from this occasion? And if I do run and hide, how do I break it to her without hurting her feelings?
—Trusting the Friend Who Poisoned Me Twice