This is terrible.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

I just found out one of my good friends who lives abroad gave birth to a baby girl earlier this year and subsequently suffered very severe postpartum psychosis. She attempted suicide. Afterward, her husband took the baby to live with his parents a 12-hour drive away. She hasn’t seen her baby in months. I only just found out about all this, since we only chat every couple of months. I have yet to speak to her on the phone. What do I say when I call? When I visit her next month (we have a preplanned trip), do I suggest taking her out, or do I only visit her where she is? How do I stop thinking that if I were still living in that country, I would have been able to notice that something was wrong, or she would have felt safe enough to confide in me, and I’d have been able to call for help in time?

—Long-Awaited Trip Meets Unexpected Tragedy

banana468

Talk to your friend and offer to get her help!  Where is the H in this?  What kind of treatment is she getting?  Stop blaming yourself but be there for your friend as she works to get through this.    

And depending on the relationship I had with the H I'd consider reaching out to him but I'd also hold off if we were never friends to begin with.  Taking a child from their mother is possibly not the greatest move either and may only be exacerbating things. 

MissKittyDanger

Definitely talk to the friend. See where and how she is mentally/physically/emotionally before delving into more. Definitely follow up and see if she's seen someone for help - if she has, is there something you can do to help? If not, does she need help finding someone?

Like @banana468 said, if LW is friends - or even 'friendly' - with her H, maybe see his side on visitation based on what friend says? LW could be an unbiased person without intending to be.

OliveOilsMom

I would first be interested in knowing how friend has gotten any help she needed.  I understand the H taking the child, but at the same time, has he tried to get his wife help?  The hormones effecting the friend don't just stop because the baby is gone.  She needs specific help and I hope she is getting it.

I would not offer to take her to visit the baby.  Who knows if there are any legal restrictions going on.  But I would listen to friend and offer any help I otherwise could do.

charlotte989875

Ask you friend what she needs and how you can be there for her. Follow her lead on what she wants to do (go out, stay in, talk about it/not talk about it). 

This is all around terrible and your friend needs support. Ask her how to best support her. And then do that. 

mrsconn23

I have a lot of fucking questions about the husband and/or what he thought would be achieved by keeping the baby 12 hours away from its mother indefinitely.  I would love for LW to have told Prudie that she did ask about the plan to reunify mother and baby.  I'm also curious about the country her friend is living in and how they handle mental health.  

I would still go, but I would read up A LOT on the country and their customs.  I'd also try to get a private conversation with the H, if I felt I could do so safely, to ask what's being done to help her friend through this.  And I'd be entirely prepared for the trip to be a awful, sad, and maybe a bit of a shitshow.   LW needs to stop asking why her friend didn't tell her.  It's completely moot at this point.  She knows now and needs to do what she can being long-distance.