Disability is bringing me down.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

I’m 50 years old, I have arthritis, and my knees have given out. I’ve just acquired a cane and a disabled parking permit. A few years ago I was walking in 5Ks and traveling everywhere. I am now lumbering around in horrible pain and considering everything that isn’t within half a block too far to walk. My problem, in addition to plummeting self-esteem, is my work. Once I get to work, I’m OK, except for the long struggle to get to the bathroom. However, I can’t park anywhere near my building, and by the time I get in, I’m in agony, close to throwing up, and having a panic attack. I’ve requested ADA accommodation, and there’s not a closer parking option, but I do have the option to work from home. Please help me process why I’m feeling suddenly worthless and useless. I don’t feel that my friends with disabilities are worthless or not good workers. I feel like taking the option of working from home is abandoning my staff and an easy way out—but truly, if I could get to work without significant pain, I would.

—Newly Disabled and Down on Myself

Ro041

It sounds like LW needs a scooter or some other way to be able to stay mobile.  

mrsconn23

Ro041 said:

It sounds like LW needs a scooter or some other way to be able to stay mobile.  

Yes.  Or at the least, LW needs to talk to their doctor about their work situation and how their disability is affecting their day to day life and ability to work successfully.  There has to be some options for relief.  And maybe LW does work from home a few days a week to alleviate some of the strain they are experiencing with their daily trek into work. 

downtondiva

Working from home is totally reasonable if LW's employer allows it. If they don't want to disappear from the office completely, maybe they could still go in just once a week or so and for important meetings. That way, maybe they will feel less like they've abandoned their staff. 

I hope LW will work with their doctors to find ways to decrease pain and increase mobility. I also hope they'll consider seeing a therapist as well if they feel as worthless as they say. There are even therapists who specialize in working with patients who have injuries or chronic medical conditions. 

MissKittyDanger

If LW talks to their dr, there may be a few options.
My grampa had horrible knees and constantly fell. He was young enough for knee surgery, but that didn't clear it up completely.

Since LW is young-ish, the dr may suggest exercises and/or surgery.

short+sassy

Poor LW!  I also agree that it seems like therapy would be really helpful to the LW because of the negative feelings they are having.

Since they are allowed to work from home, I think a "partial" type of situation would be great for them.  1-2 days/week they work in the office and the rest of the time they work from home.

It sounds like there isn't much that can be done about the parking situation.  But maybe their office/desk could be moved closer to the bathroom?

WFH seems like an obvious solution and the fact that LW hasn't already chosen to do this tells me that it is strongly related to the feelings they are having.  They probably see going into the office as their last bastion of normalcy.  But I think they should change that perception with the help of a therapist.  Lots of people WFH. 

MyNameIsNot

As someone who works from home a lot, take the WFH option. You'd be amazed at how much your productivity increases and how much more enjoyable work can be. 

I think LW is hanging their self-worth on their ability and internalizing some ableist ideals. They should seek out a therapist or even support group to help them work through the esteem issues. This is not an uncommon issue among people who lose an ability they've had for so long.  

MesmrEwe

If the arthritis is that bad, then it's time for the replacement talk with the Knee Specialist!  PERIOD!  OR, a scooter to get from the car to the door, but keep as mobile as humanly possible as long as possible!