This is why the 'Q' is so important.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

My boyfriend and I were watching Are You the One? on MTV, and two of the guys were wrestling playfully when it came out that my boyfriend has watched gay wrestling porn. He said he sometimes watches gay wrestling because the guys are more aggressive. I know this is probably terrible of me to wonder because I myself enjoy lesbian porn more than straight porn, but would this mean he could be bisexual? I asked him, and he said he didn’t think he was bi because he has never met a guy whom he would want to have sex with. But we do both come from pretty homophobic Latino families. Am I overthinking it? Does it even matter? If I am deserving of a good slapping down, go ahead—I think I may be.

—Curious About Bi-Curiosity

MissKittyDanger

Might be worth talking to the local LGBTQ community. At least get answers, or a direction if LW & spouse want to know more.

drunkenwitch

Don't overthink it and don't sweat it.  Human sexuality is all grey area, personal kinks and strange fantasies.  I have fantasies in my head that get me nice and revved up that I would never ever ever ever EVER want to happen in real life because as long as it stays in my head, I have control over it.  Porn can be similar, what gets you going visually is not necessarily what you want in the bedroom.  Tons of women prefer lesbian porn because the women seem to be actually enjoying it and getting off more than you see in straight porn. 

You do you (and as many other people as you want) as long as it's ethical, legal and consensual.

STARMOON44

MissKittyDanger said:

Might be worth talking to the local LGBTQ community. At least get answers, or a direction if LW & spouse want to know more.

Answers to what? He doesn’t think he is bi, he enjoys watching some gay porn, and he’s married to a woman. What question would there even be for the local LGBTQ community? 

VarunaTT

Soooooo....LW is allowed to enjoy same gender porn without questioning their sexual orientation, but LW's male partner is not?  Yeah, internalized misogyny is helluva thing.

mrsconn23

VarunaTT said:

Soooooo....LW is allowed to enjoy same gender porn without questioning their sexual orientation, but LW's male partner is not?  Yeah, internalized misogyny is helluva thing.

Yes, that was my take as well. 

However, I do think LW's understanding that the ideals they were raised with are problematic and that they're trying to do better than they were taught is refreshing.   LW needs to drop asking their BF if he's bi.  He said he doesn't desire sex with other men and LW needs to believe that. 

I enjoy all female porn myself, but I don't desire sexual relations with another woman at this time in my life.  I wish more people would understand that sexuality is quite fluid and fantasies can come in many forms, even if you know you're not going to act on them.  

charlotte989875

Sounds like he shared something private about himself, you talked about it and asked the questions you had, and he answered them. You need to listen to his answers and respect them. 

But yeah, if you can watch what you want, so can he! 

short+sassy

VarunaTT said:

Soooooo....LW is allowed to enjoy same gender porn without questioning their sexual orientation, but LW's male partner is not?  Yeah, internalized misogyny is helluva thing.

That's what bothered me most about the letter!

I don't think she was wrong to ask her b/f if he thought he might be bi.  Not for any serious reason, but just to get to know him and his sexuality better.

He told her he didn't think so.  In an almost exact way she describes her own experience with liking same-sex porn.  Sooooo...question answered.  She is overthinking it and it doesn't matter.