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Wedding Woes

Oh LW, you are the problem here.

Dear Prudence,

My ex remarried within a year of our divorce to a woman eight years younger. His new wife whelped out three babies within three years and likes to think she is an authority on my child, “Katy.” I tried to keep the peace since my ex and I share custody, but his wife keeps putting her nose into things. She will try to speak for my daughter: “Katy wants to go to the birthday party next door. Can she stay later?” “Katy told me she would like to go ice skating this weekend. Would it be OK if I bought her skates?” She texts me these inane questions all the time. Her excuse is that she doesn’t want to “overstep” and that my ex is often hard to reach at work, so it is simpler to just check in with me. I keep biting my tongue because I really can’t compete with cute little half-sisters, a private pool, and the gift-giving. My daughter loves going over to her dad’s.

Except now the woman is trying to replace my daughter with a dog. The wife’s brother got a dog named Katie and decided he couldn’t keep it. She took all the kids over to play with the dog and then told them Katie was going to be theirs. My daughter excitedly told me all this, and all I could do was ask if they were going to rename the dog. My daughter told me Katie was her name, and I corrected her: Katy was her name. I called my ex to tell him they needed to rename the dog. He told me the dog was trained to respond to Katie and didn’t see what the big deal was. I told him that his wife bringing a dog into the house with the same name as his daughter was disrespectful. He told me this wasn’t something I had a say in. I texted his wife, and she responded with “I respect you, but I stand with my husband here, and Katy was happy when she played with Katie.” I am steaming here, and I don’t know what to do. I can’t afford to go to court or counseling again. Help.

—Dog With Daughter’s Name

Re: Oh LW, you are the problem here.

  • Oh my goodness. All of this is a no. 
    mrsconn23climbingwife
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    There’s also nothing in the letter that says this, but I get the feeling that LW probably talks a lot of shit about her ex and his new wife to her daughter at home. That’s not healthy and her whole attitude in the letter makes me think it’s no wonder why her daughter likes to spend time at dad’s house. 


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    mrsconn23ei34
  • Oh my.   The audacity of that woman to ask the mother of her step daughter if she approves of ice skates or going to a party next door.   How dare she engage her! 

    **sarcasm**

    LW is incapable of being pleased and a control freak to boot.  I'm so surprised the marriage didn't work out. 

    She doesn't need counseling with anyone other than herself.   These are her issues and the end result of acting this way is going to be alienating Katy. 
    charlotte989875OliveOilsMomei34
  • Maybe LW has never owned a dog?  Though it does depend on the dog's age.  I got my dog at 10 months, and while Eve was a perfectly lovely name, we did change it and then put her through training school and she responded to the new name.  But if she already responded to Eve, we might not have changed it.

    I just called her Eve right now to see if I could get a reaction out of her, and she just kept sleeping.
    imageimage
  • I have zero respect for someone who refers to having children as whelping. LW is all kinds of wrong here. 

    Is it weird the dog dog has the same name? Sure it is. Can dogs learn new names? Of course they can. But if it doesn’t bother human-Katy to share the same name as dog-Katie LW needs to leave it alone. And stop being so damn difficult to co-parent with. And deal with some of this animosity toward the ex and his wife. 
    mrsconn23levioosaOliveOilsMomei34
  • I mean, they're not trying to insinuate that the child Katy is a dog here, LW.  It's just a weird circumstance.  If Kid Katy lived at home all the time, it probably could get a bit odd at times, but this isn't the hill to die on.
    mrsconn23charlotte989875ei34
  • @downtondiva took the words right out of my mouth, lol.

    What the LW keeps calling "inane" questions, sounds to me like the SM is trying to be respectful and not step on toes.  And I bet if the SM didn't text those "inane" questions, then the LW would be writing about how the SM crosses the line all the time, ie "Can you believe she just bought my daughter ice skates without asking me? The nerve!"

    And, yes, I certainly noticed her first two sentences were all about how much younger her ex's wife is and the super rude, judgy comment about her having 3 children in 3 years.

    I also think the father/SM should have given the dog another name.  Their argument about it is completely ridiculous.  They could have given the dog a similar sounding name and it wouldn't have known the difference.  They also could have given their dog a completely new name and it would get to know that name in probably 1-2 weeks.

    At the same time, I only think this issue should be something the LW is fighting on if the daughter was upset about the dog's name.  Except the daughter isn't.  I'm even getting a little bit of a vibe that the daughter thinks it's fun the dog has the same name as her.

    My own dog will respond to multiple names, including her real name (Izzy), lol.  Not because we tried.  But there are certain words we use a lot when we are talking to her, including just our own nicknames that developed over time.  For example, I say a lot when I'm petting her, "You're such a cutie-patootie!"  And now, if I say the word "cutie"...even if I am not talking to her or about her...she'll look over and often come over to me.  Because she thinks I'm calling her, lol.

    I'm jokingly mad at my H.  Because he sometimes calls her a "dingus".  And goddamnit!  Now she responds to dingus.  I jokingly try to tell her, "Izzy, don't respond to that word!  It's an insult, lol." 
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    kerbohlCasadenaOliveOilsMomei34
  • LW .... just stop. You are a pain in the butt.

    I do have to agree that the new wife should not have a whole lot of say in the stepdaughter. Idc when they got married, the relationship is new and tbh I wouldn't want a step-parent on either side to really make parenting decisions that soon. {especially if it's not 50/50}

    The dog thing though .... it's not disrespectful. Odd, yes. LW could have asked if there was a chance ex could change the name to avoid confusion since daughter has same name. Ex says no? Okay, oh well.
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    LW .... just stop. You are a pain in the butt.

    I do have to agree that the new wife should not have a whole lot of say in the stepdaughter. Idc when they got married, the relationship is new and tbh I wouldn't want a step-parent on either side to really make parenting decisions that soon. {especially if it's not 50/50}

    The dog thing though .... it's not disrespectful. Odd, yes. LW could have asked if there was a chance ex could change the name to avoid confusion since daughter has same name. Ex says no? Okay, oh well.
    The point is she’s not just making parenting decisions. She’s asking LW permission for parties, new possessions, etc. That’s the opposite of solely making decisions for the child. 


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    STARMOON44charlotte989875OliveOilsMomMyNameIsNot
  • LW .... just stop. You are a pain in the butt.

    I do have to agree that the new wife should not have a whole lot of say in the stepdaughter. Idc when they got married, the relationship is new and tbh I wouldn't want a step-parent on either side to really make parenting decisions that soon. {especially if it's not 50/50}

    The dog thing though .... it's not disrespectful. Odd, yes. LW could have asked if there was a chance ex could change the name to avoid confusion since daughter has same name. Ex says no? Okay, oh well.
    I'm reading this though as the SM is not trying to have a say.   She's actually deferring judgement to the mom!  Step Mom is giving mom control of parenting decisions and isn't renaming the dog.   The horror!? 
    charlotte989875OliveOilsMom
  • levioosa said:
    LW .... just stop. You are a pain in the butt.

    I do have to agree that the new wife should not have a whole lot of say in the stepdaughter. Idc when they got married, the relationship is new and tbh I wouldn't want a step-parent on either side to really make parenting decisions that soon. {especially if it's not 50/50}

    The dog thing though .... it's not disrespectful. Odd, yes. LW could have asked if there was a chance ex could change the name to avoid confusion since daughter has same name. Ex says no? Okay, oh well.
    The point is she’s not just making parenting decisions. She’s asking LW permission for parties, new possessions, etc. That’s the opposite of solely making decisions for the child. 
    I was reading it as LW saying SM was trying to step into decisions
  • banana468 said:
    LW .... just stop. You are a pain in the butt.

    I do have to agree that the new wife should not have a whole lot of say in the stepdaughter. Idc when they got married, the relationship is new and tbh I wouldn't want a step-parent on either side to really make parenting decisions that soon. {especially if it's not 50/50}

    The dog thing though .... it's not disrespectful. Odd, yes. LW could have asked if there was a chance ex could change the name to avoid confusion since daughter has same name. Ex says no? Okay, oh well.
    I'm reading this though as the SM is not trying to have a say.   She's actually deferring judgement to the mom!  Step Mom is giving mom control of parenting decisions and isn't renaming the dog.   The horror!? 
    Yeh, see I was reading it different. I saw it more as LW saying SM was trying to step in.
  • banana468 said:
    LW .... just stop. You are a pain in the butt.

    I do have to agree that the new wife should not have a whole lot of say in the stepdaughter. Idc when they got married, the relationship is new and tbh I wouldn't want a step-parent on either side to really make parenting decisions that soon. {especially if it's not 50/50}

    The dog thing though .... it's not disrespectful. Odd, yes. LW could have asked if there was a chance ex could change the name to avoid confusion since daughter has same name. Ex says no? Okay, oh well.
    I'm reading this though as the SM is not trying to have a say.   She's actually deferring judgement to the mom!  Step Mom is giving mom control of parenting decisions and isn't renaming the dog.   The horror!? 
    Yeh, see I was reading it different. I saw it more as LW saying SM was trying to step in.

    LW .... just stop. You are a pain in the butt.

    I do have to agree that the new wife should not have a whole lot of say in the stepdaughter. Idc when they got married, the relationship is new and tbh I wouldn't want a step-parent on either side to really make parenting decisions that soon. {especially if it's not 50/50}

    The dog thing though .... it's not disrespectful. Odd, yes. LW could have asked if there was a chance ex could change the name to avoid confusion since daughter has same name. Ex says no? Okay, oh well.
    I think the LW is attempting to spin it that way.   However if you read this the LW is highlighting that in every instance, the SM is specifically asking the LW for her permission:   to attend the party and stay late, to go ice skating and to buy the daughter skates.  In both of those situations the SM is engaging the mom of Katy and asking for permission rather than forgiveness.   

    Of course the SM has to step in if the dad's not there or at work.   Is she hoping that the daughter goes to her dad's to visit and doesn't do anything special? 

    The insinuation that the LW makes that  they are trying to replace the daughter only tells me that the LW is running a narrative that exists only in her head.   The facts are being laid out here and the LW's interpretation of them is to interpret insults in all places. 
    short+sassycharlotte989875OliveOilsMom
  • ei34ei34 member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    LW is looking, like desperately searching, for things to try and make her ex and his wife sound awful about.  "Replacing my daughter with a dog" would be if human Katy  was no longer welcome in their home bc dog Katie was given her room, place at the table, etc.  Agree that LW sounds bitter...I'd be thrilled if I got divorced and my kids' stepmother ran things like LW mentions by me.
    charlotte989875OliveOilsMom
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    LW is an asshole. 

    Also, I don't even see where the stepmom is even remotely overstepping or making decisions? She's running everything by LW. What a nutcase. 

    banana468
  • LW needs a weekend away to chill!  No one is putting an equal sign between the dog and kid, Elsa, let it go!...  The name of the dog is not the place to put your foot down!

    The key is on balance.  You're asked if skates should be purchased, the answer is "Her feet will grow rapidly, may make more sense to rent since she's not in lessons, but your money, your choice!" 

    I agree with the PP though - I know a lot of people who would gladly give up all child support to have an amicable co-parenting relationship!  
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