Dear Prudence,
I am 40 now. Ten years ago, my husband and I ended our four-year marriage. We had been straddling the fence on the subject of having children, but eventually ended up on different sides. It was mutual, if mournful. He remarried and had a son, but the marriage was rocky. His wife and son died in a car accident, and it’s possible that she had committed a murder-suicide. I reconnected with my ex over the tragedy. I would talk to him every night, and I flew down to attend the funerals. He called me his lifeline.
A year ago, he moved back home. We have been cautiously seeing each other. I love him and never really stopped. When I told my sister I was seeing my ex again, she quipped that it looked like I “got everything [I] wanted.” It felt like being tossed into an ice bath. I barked that I would never want a child to die so I could have a relationship. I don’t want kids, but I was never happy about this tragedy. She apologized and told me she was kidding. Her words struck a nerve in me, though. I feel guilty, but I know that is ridiculous. I can’t get rid of these feelings. What do I do?
—Complicated Reunion