Dear Prudence,
I recently joined an amateur singing group. We perform at nursing homes around the city, and I generally enjoy the group. However, there is one woman in our section who is tone-deaf. Seriously! She sings loudly but never on pitch. She may sometimes sing the melody when we are singing harmony. Mostly she just sings the same low monotone. I have tried to sing with her and help her out, but it does her no good and only drives me crazy! Our choir director is aware and has tried to work with her, but it has not been effective. This woman loves our group. I know it would break her heart if I or anyone told her point-blank that she can’t carry a tune, so I know that would not be the right thing to do. But nobody wants to sit next to her because she makes it difficult to learn new pieces and sing the ones we know. Is there a solution? I have friends who know they are tone-deaf and accept it with good humor and have developed other talents instead.
—Tone-Deaf Choir Member