Wedding Woes

Engagement ring redux

Dear Prudence,

My ex-husband surprised me with a really extravagant engagement ring. We married less than a year into our engagement. Eight months later we separated, and after living on opposite coasts for two years with very little contact, we divorced. No hard feelings, but it didn’t end well, and we don’t keep in touch. Fast forward several years and my current boyfriend and I are talking about marriage but are not officially engaged yet. We’re both pretty practical, so I suggested reusing my old engagement ring and wedding band. I love the set and barely got to wear it. I also don’t have any strong emotions surrounding it. It’s just a beautiful set that has been sitting in a drawer collecting dust for years. My boyfriend initially liked the idea and seemed relieved since we have a million other things on which our money would be better spent.

The problem is that our friends and my family have declared that this is “creepy” and bad luck. My mom told my sister that she thinks my boyfriend is being a “cheapo” and that it’s tacky to reuse a diamond. I feel like this is an overreaction, but now my boyfriend is beginning to feel self-conscious about all the criticism, which is unfairly being lobbed at him considering this was my idea. We’ve agreed that we definitely want to wear rings when we get married, and although we can buy something else for less, I want to wear it, and free fits our budget. I won’t say this to him in case we go another way, but I also worry that I’ll always look down at a new ring and think longingly about the eye-popping beauty going to waste in the drawer. I feel like that’s worse than reclaiming an ex’s ring. What say you? Would you feel creeped out by hearing a friend say they were recycling a bridal set?

—It’s Just a Pretty Rock

Re: Engagement ring redux

  • You two do you two.   If it wasn't a second marriage with a ring that existed would you be asking opinions from others on the kind of ring he should get? 

    Leave it alone.   If you two make this decision mutually then that's all that matters. 
  • I think it’s weird. Get the diamond reset and use it that way. 
  • Why not sell it and use the money to buy something else you love? Or reset the diamonds into a New Ring? But honestly, if neither of you are bothered, fuck what your friends and family think.
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I think it’s a little weird. But if the two of them were okay with it then who cares?

  • I wouldn't want to use the same rings from a marriage that didn't work out, but that's me. This is a completely personal decision, so if you and your FI are okay with reusing the rings, everyone else will need to get used to it and back off.
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I would have the stone reset into another setting, and not tell anyone about it. 

    But really, it's completely fine to tell your mother to shove it up her arse. 
  • Maybe they should get the name of the jeweler that melted down and redesigned the pieces from the brother of last week's LW?  ;) 

    If LW is really not bothered by it, more power to them.  Personally, I'd sell and buy new or do a redesign of what I have with a jeweler to have it honor my current relationship. I do agree that it's just 'rocks' and that they don't hold any particular energy good or bad. 
  • NowIAmSypNowIAmSyp East Hanover, NJ member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    I think it's a little weird to use the EXACT same set...  I'm with PP's that suggested re-setting the diamond(s) into a new ring.  Then, you still get the "extravagant" diamond, but it's a new ring overall.
  • CharmedPamCharmedPam Chicagoburbs member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I read this as her JUST using the rock - she said her mom said it was tacky to reuse the diamond. Plus she signed it “it’s just a pretty rock”

    in that case - yes, reusing the diamond and putting it into a other setting is fine. Using the exact ring is bad luck to me. 

  • I’d say use the diamond but get it reset. Melt down your other bands and reset them if you really don’t have any attachment to them. 

    And stop telling people about your plans. Sure they’re not what everyone would do but who cares? It sounds like all it’s doing is making your FI feel bad. 
  • I would privately think it's a bit weird but, as long as neither one of them have an issue with it, then that is all that matters.

    I assume the people the LW is telling are close enough friends and family that they will (or already have) noticed it is the same e-ring.

    And I wouldn't think it was weird at all if they used the same diamonds and put it in a different setting.  That might be the best option at this point, since the FI is feeling a little bad about it now.  
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