Dear Prudence,
For years I have been ashamed of how I allowed a close male friend to treat me when I was in my 20s. “Jake” fell in love with me and reacted very angrily when I told him I’d like to remain friends. He’d lash out if he learned I’d done anything with another friend, and he’d turn vicious if that friend was male. I was always scared of upsetting him, because he had a really awful temper, which our mutual friends always downplayed. I eventually broke off contact after I was nearly raped and Jake told me I deserved it. Flash forward 20 years. I’m married to an amazing man and have great friends. Jake has become a much beloved public figure in the entertainment industry. He’s “woke,” challenges people like Louis C.K., and is, as he always was, very funny. My husband and friends adore him and regularly consume his material. I wither internally when one of them mentions Jake, because it’s difficult to hear the people I love praise him. Recently my husband surprised me with tickets to one of Jake’s appearances. A few of our good friends were also going. The thought of being in the same room (or theater) as Jake made me sick, and in the moment I’m ashamed to say I couldn’t explain why I didn’t want to go. I just refused to go, which was understandably frustrating to my husband. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to dwell on Jake, but I owe the people I love an explanation.
—I Don’t Like This Act