Dear Prudence,
I recently began working at a wonderful disability nonprofit. I have a few co-workers, but we work in separate offices and all leave promptly at 5, so it’s been difficult to get to know them. I suggested a few weeks ago that we do happy hour together one night, and they were excited to join. We were all eating our appetizers and slurping our drinks, and I began talking with one of my co-workers about my partner, who is nonbinary. She asked their name, and I gave it, and used they/them pronouns. She then asked what their “real” name was, and proceeded to say that oh, she loves that name, and so on. It was fairly awkward, but I truly do not believe she understands that this was a faux pas. It seemed like she just thought my partner “preferred” the name like it was a nickname. We live in a rural-ish (about 10,000 people, state university) town, so I want to give her the benefit of the doubt, as she probably has never met a trans or nonbinary person before. How should I bring this up with her? I do think she’s a good person, but perhaps a bit closed off from culture. The holiday party is around the corner, and I want to bring my partner, but I don’t want them to feel uncomfortable by her or others.
—Language Etiquette