Wedding Etiquette Forum

Helping friends with accepting gifts

peachy13peachy13 in my cubicle, doing very important work member
Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
Hi everyone- TK alum here! Married in 2015 and used these boards for a lot of help with etiquette and guidance. 

Two of my good friends are getting married soon and are basically having a closed wedding followed by an open (non hosted) after party. I know this isn’t the ideal way to go about things and trust me, they know it too. It’s just not in their budget to host everyone and they feel awful about it, but at the same time they want to put a casual invite out there if people want to meet up at the bar later to celebrate their marriage. 

They never in a million years would assume anyone is bringing them a gift but everyone will because they are a couple who is always there for everyone and always generous. Everyone wants to give back to them. Is there a “polite” way to set up a card box or something at the after party for when people inevitably bring a gift? Something that the couple won’t be embarrassed by, and something that’s clear that friends set this up for them? Or do I skip it altogether and let people hand deliver them their gifts. 
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Re: Helping friends with accepting gifts

  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I'd skip it all together. 

    ILoveBeachMusicshort+sassyJen4948MairePoppy
  • peachy13peachy13 in my cubicle, doing very important work member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    @climbingwife thank you. After sleeping on it, this seems like the best course of action to me too
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    short+sassy
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    peachy13 said:
    Hi everyone- TK alum here! Married in 2015 and used these boards for a lot of help with etiquette and guidance. 

    Two of my good friends are getting married soon and are basically having a closed wedding followed by an open (non hosted) after party. I know this isn’t the ideal way to go about things and trust me, they know it too. It’s just not in their budget to host everyone and they feel awful about it, but at the same time they want to put a casual invite out there if people want to meet up at the bar later to celebrate their marriage. 

    They never in a million years would assume anyone is bringing them a gift but everyone will because they are a couple who is always there for everyone and always generous. Everyone wants to give back to them. Is there a “polite” way to set up a card box or something at the after party for when people inevitably bring a gift? Something that the couple won’t be embarrassed by, and something that’s clear that friends set this up for them? Or do I skip it altogether and let people hand deliver them their gifts. 
    I certainly hope these friends are properly hosting for the guests they did invite to their wedding ceremony.  I am not a fan of a non hosted after party.  I have gifted many people for many different occasions and have not required an invitation to do so.  They should host properly what they can afford and skip anything else. If a friend or family member wants to gift them, they will regardless of an “event”.  I honestly would encourage these friends to skip the after party altogether and host a casual, non wedding related open house off something down the road.
    ILoveBeachMusiccharlotte989875short+sassyMairePoppy
  • I think you let people hand deliver gifts and the couple will have to figure out what to do with them. Even if that’s just running out to a car to lock them away, or carrying a larger bag and keeping it with them. 
    short+sassy
  • Hi @peachy13!  I remember you from the "old" days, lol.

    I agree with the other PPs that it wouldn't be appropriate to have a box or table for gifts, no matter who put it up.  Plus, I assume this after-party is in a public location, which also makes that a bad idea.

    However, @charlotte989875's idea of bringing a larger bag.  Maybe a "tote bag" for her purse that night is a good one, since smaller presents and cards will fit in it.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I like @charlotte989875's idea of a container (out-of-sight) for any gifts they receive. But no, a place out in the open wouldn't be appropriate, especially if they don't actually want gifts. It's something they'll just have to deal with if anyone gives them any gifts.
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