Dear Prudence,
I am a gay 54-year-old man. Last year I had a successful operation to remove my prostate because of cancer. I knew the negative side effects associated with the surgery and thought I was prepared to deal with them. I have experienced the typical erectile-dysfunction symptoms for the past year and a half now. Finally, I went to a urologist and was prescribed injections, which I have used with moderate success. But I have discovered that I am now completely unable to experience the feeling of orgasm since my surgery. I have come to accept the lack of physical orgasm because I understand that my body has been surgically altered and that experience is now physically impossible for me.
However, I was not prepared at all for the fact that I would not be able to at least experience some sort of feeling of orgasm for the rest of my life. I know it sounds childish and whiny on my part, and I should just be grateful that I am healthy again and cancer-free so far, but that lack of feeling has turned into a huge issue for me. I keep thinking that I’m only 54 years old. Is my sex life now permanently over? Yes, I love to cuddle and kiss and all the other wonderful intimate things I can do with a partner when I’m able to find one. But at the same time, I feel frustrated and cheated that I will never ever again experience the feeling of “release” that comes from an orgasms. Is this just me mourning something that I have to accept, or are there any options that might help me eventually gain back that wonderful feeling I miss?
—Lost Orgasm