Wedding Woes

This sucks LW, plain and simple.

Dear Prudence,

I am a gay 54-year-old man. Last year I had a successful operation to remove my prostate because of cancer. I knew the negative side effects associated with the surgery and thought I was prepared to deal with them. I have experienced the typical erectile-dysfunction symptoms for the past year and a half now. Finally, I went to a urologist and was prescribed injections, which I have used with moderate success. But I have discovered that I am now completely unable to experience the feeling of orgasm since my surgery. I have come to accept the lack of physical orgasm because I understand that my body has been surgically altered and that experience is now physically impossible for me.

However, I was not prepared at all for the fact that I would not be able to at least experience some sort of feeling of orgasm for the rest of my life. I know it sounds childish and whiny on my part, and I should just be grateful that I am healthy again and cancer-free so far, but that lack of feeling has turned into a huge issue for me. I keep thinking that I’m only 54 years old. Is my sex life now permanently over? Yes, I love to cuddle and kiss and all the other wonderful intimate things I can do with a partner when I’m able to find one. But at the same time, I feel frustrated and cheated that I will never ever again experience the feeling of “release” that comes from an orgasms. Is this just me mourning something that I have to accept, or are there any options that might help me eventually gain back that wonderful feeling I miss?

—Lost Orgasm

Re: This sucks LW, plain and simple.

  • Entire thing is just really unfortunate :( 

    Is there possibly a group for those who have been through the same? At least LW knows they aren't alone and maybe others can help with something to help balance the lack of orgasm?
    Idk ...
  • It's really too bad he didn't opt for a nerve-sparing prostaectomy but perhaps that wasn't an option for him.  I do think finding a support group would be a good idea.  He should start with his Urologist's office to see if they can suggest one.
  • I strongly agree on finding a support group and also speaking to his urologist, though I assume he has already done that.  Maybe a therapist also to help manage his feelings.

    I'm a little extra sad for him that, at least to some extent, he sees his feelings as whiny and childish.  They are neither.  Life is not "comparisons".  He can feel lucky and grateful that he is healthy again and cancer-free.  And also feel sadness and grief over what he has lost.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    That's really sad and terrible. Ditto about a support group. 

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