Wedding Party

Nervous to ask BMs to be in Wedding

Hey everyone! This may sound silly, but I am having nerves and anxiety about asking some of my girls to be bridesmaids. 

A little backstory, I have no sisters, and do not have any female cousins. I already asked my best childhood friend and my two future SILs to be in the wedding, which I knew all of them would say yes! The anxiety starts where my fiance has a tight-knit group of friends of about 5-7 guys who have been best friends since they were 2-3 years old. They hang out and talk regularly. This wouldn't be such an issue if he could pick a few of them and not all (which he has), but I have 2 brothers who will be groomsmen and paired with his 2 sisters. So I need 3 friends to be bridesmaids.

I guess it's serendipitous that I have 3 great friends at work. We are all very close, hang out outside of work, and they regularly bring up wedding details and ask me questions and give their opinions -excitedly! The thing is, I've only been at this job for about 6 months, so I feel weird asking them to be in my wedding, for fear that they'll think I'm clingy (or something). My wedding is also out of state (I live/work in Georgia but the wedding with be in Pennsylvania), however with the wedding date being on a weekend that we get a holiday day PTO, and not wanting a bachelorette party (I'd love a simple mani/pedi/massage outing the weekend of the wedding), the only time they'd have to go to PA and take off work would be 1 day for the actual wedding. The wedding is also not until Sept 2021. My fiance tells me I am way over thinking this, but I am so nervous as to what they may think. I truly feel if they say no, it would be more related to the out of state aspect rather than the friendship part, but the fear of rejection has me afraid to even ask, even though I am beyond excited about the idea of them standing by my side and we already talk about wedding details. 

Am I the only person who has felt this way? I've also already made proposal boxes but don't know how or when to give them to them. Any suggestions or ideas would be great! Thanks :)

Re: Nervous to ask BMs to be in Wedding

  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I agree that it is WAY to early to establish your wedding party.  As others suggest, waiting to ask the co-workers until AT LEAST the start of 2021 will alleviate much worry.  My daughter had uneven numbers and no one noticed or cared.  BM’s were escorted by 2 groomsmen.  It was a non-issue.
    charlotte989875
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Asking people you wouldn't otherwise ask in order to even sides is pretty crappy. They're going to know they're asked to fill space, and it's going to be uncomfortable. Also, the notion of single-gender bridal parties are outdated. If you want to include your brothers, you should be asking them to stand on your side. 

    It's way, way too early to be asking anyone now, much less anyone you've known less than a year. Wait until this time next year to evaluate this whole thing. Chances are, your relationships with these coworkers will have changed between now and then. Perhaps you'll be closer with them, or perhaps you'll have grown apart with one or more of them. It's entirely likely that you won't even be all working together anymore that far from now. 

    When the time comes, the decision to ask who to stand on your side should be a no brainer. If you are nervous or questioning whether you should ask someone, the answer is that you shouldn't ask them. 
    charlotte989875short+sassy
  • You don't need sides to be even. When my brother got married, he had 3 groomsmen and my SIL had 4 bridesmaids. No one minded. Don't ask people just for the sake of sides being even. These are people, not props. 

    With that in mind, I would advise against asking these co-workers to be in your wedding, at least not at this time. You're not getting married for about a year and a half, so it's a bit early to be asking anyone. But with these co-workers specifically, you haven't even known them a year yet, so who knows if you'll even stay this friendly with them? I can tell you that if someone asked me to be a bridesmaid after only six months, I would consider that serious level-jumping of the friendship. I strongly suggest you wait until later this year, if you ask them at all.
    image
    ILoveBeachMusicshort+sassy
  • Take a deep breath and know that it's a good time to stop trying to make things symmetrical - the sides do not need to be "even"! 

    Otherwise, you could have two guys walking each BM in depending on where the numbers are.  But really, don't ask extra people for the pure reason that you want the sides even, it in many cases just leads to stress and frustration along with costs.  
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Sides don't need to be even. Don't ask anyone to whom you're not really close in order to have even sides.

    And slow down. Wait until about ten months or so before your wedding date before you ask anyone. If you're still not particularly close to these coworkers (you don't have a social relationship outside of work or wouldn't otherwise ask them), then don't ask them. I would feel odd about being asked to be a bridesmaid by a coworker I barely know. It would probably make me feel "used" to even the sides and I wouldn't like that.
    MesmrEwe
  • Jen4948 said:
    Sides don't need to be even. Don't ask anyone to whom you're not really close in order to have even sides.

    And slow down. Wait until about ten months or so before your wedding date before you ask anyone. If you're still not particularly close to these coworkers (you don't have a social relationship outside of work or wouldn't otherwise ask them), then don't ask them. I would feel odd about being asked to be a bridesmaid by a coworker I barely know. It would probably make me feel "used" to even the sides and I wouldn't like that.
    Also, you never know if either you or they will still be employed there!  Not thinking the worst here, but it happens with companies of all sizes.  It's one thing if you're close friends outside of work and go away on weekends together for fun in a shared hobby and can't imagine not being friends independent of work.  It's another to ask just so sides can be even GWIM?  
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    Jen4948
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