Dear Prudence,
On occasion, my partner or I will say or do something minor when we’re out in public that upsets the other person. Neither of us would ever cause a scene in public, but I’m struggling with how to address this. My partner has expressed that his preference is for the offended person to take the offender aside and express their thoughts at the time. While I appreciate the value in not letting anger fester, I don’t think it’s always practical. It’s often difficult to discreetly ask for a conference. And even if you can find a quiet corner or empty room, a public setting isn’t conducive to the thoughtful (and thus, sometimes lengthy) discussion that conflict resolution often requires. I also don’t want to spend a lot of my time at a social engagement arguing (or at the least, having a discussion that may read to others as an argument) because being with a couple that’s fighting is incredibly uncomfortable for all involved. But saying nothing and waiting doesn’t seem right either. I’m bad at hiding my emotions, and he (and others) would be able to tell that something was bothering me. These types of situations don’t come up often, but when they do, I’m never sure how to handle them.
—Pull Him Aside or Pull It Together?