Disinvite FMIL to Bachelorette Party

neelfornielsen

For context: I love my future in-laws and my fiancé and I actually lived with them for a year while we were building our house. They are sweet and kind and caring. I initially was going to have my bachelorette party in Vegas and invited my mom, grandmother and FMIL. We changed locations to something more intimate in a neighboring town because flights were super expensive, so now it's just a weekend getaway in an airbnb. The last few months, FMIL has been driving me insane with wedding details, comments about things, micromanaging and basically just giving me severe anxiety and making me feel bad about things I have no control over (unintentionally, like her family not being able to make it to the wedding). I know she doesn't mean any harm by it, but basically my whole vibe around her has changed and its uncomfortable. My grandma is no longer going to my bachelorette and with just my mom and his mom there, I decided I dont want her there. I am worried I will get drunk and emotional and might let some of how I've been feeling slip and I just want to be able to vent with my girls and have fun. How do I disinvite her? Or do I suck it up?

banana468

neelfornielsen said:

For context: I love my future in-laws and my fiancé and I actually lived with them for a year while we were building our house. They are sweet and kind and caring. I initially was going to have my bachelorette party in Vegas and invited my mom, grandmother and FMIL. We changed locations to something more intimate in a neighboring town because flights were super expensive, so now it's just a weekend getaway in an airbnb. The last few months, FMIL has been driving me insane with wedding details, comments about things, micromanaging and basically just giving me severe anxiety and making me feel bad about things I have no control over (unintentionally, like her family not being able to make it to the wedding). I know she doesn't mean any harm by it, but basically my whole vibe around her has changed and its uncomfortable. My grandma is no longer going to my bachelorette and with just my mom and his mom there, I decided I dont want her there. I am worried I will get drunk and emotional and might let some of how I've been feeling slip and I just want to be able to vent with my girls and have fun. How do I disinvite her? Or do I suck it up?

You suck it up.   

She's invited.   She's your FI's mother.   There's NO way you can express that she's not welcome and not face a potentially major fall out. 

You are a grown adult.   Watch what you drink and don't get drunk.   Enjoy yourself and use this as a time to bond with her. 

charlotte989875

neelfornielsen said:

For context: I love my future in-laws and my fiancé and I actually lived with them for a year while we were building our house. They are sweet and kind and caring. I initially was going to have my bachelorette party in Vegas and invited my mom, grandmother and FMIL. We changed locations to something more intimate in a neighboring town because flights were super expensive, so now it's just a weekend getaway in an airbnb. The last few months, FMIL has been driving me insane with wedding details, comments about things, micromanaging and basically just giving me severe anxiety and making me feel bad about things I have no control over (unintentionally, like her family not being able to make it to the wedding). I know she doesn't mean any harm by it, but basically my whole vibe around her has changed and its uncomfortable. My grandma is no longer going to my bachelorette and with just my mom and his mom there, I decided I dont want her there. I am worried I will get drunk and emotional and might let some of how I've been feeling slip and I just want to be able to vent with my girls and have fun. How do I disinvite her? Or do I suck it up?

I think you suck it up especially if disinviting her would cause even more tension in your relationship. It really sucks things haven’t been smooth sailing with her and the wedding planning but the thing to do would be to talk to her, or have your FI talk to her, about how you’re feeling rather than making it worse by not inviting her. 

climbingsingle

You cannot disinvite your FMIL. You will forever destroy your relationship with her. 

I invited both my mom and MIL to my bach party. My MIL drove me nuts the whole time. I sucked it up, and vented to my best friend after the trip. 

If you think you'll get drunk and say something damaging, don't get drunk. 

MobKaz

For the most part, I would agree that you just have to suck it up.  The ONLY caveat would be if you “disinvite” BOTH your mom and FMIL.  You could argue that the guest list has reverted to BM’s alone or something along those lines.  But if your mom still plans on attending, then there is NO way to tell FMIL she is no longer invited.

downtondiva

Sorry, but this is one of those cases where you have to suck it up. Disinviting people from events is usually not a great idea anyway, but disinviting your future mother-in-law from a wedding related event is absolutely going to cause you even more trouble than you have with her now. If you're worried that you'll say something bad if you get drunk and emotional, then don't get drunk at the party. That is something that is entirely in your control.

If your FMIL is driving you crazy with wedding details, then try to stop talking to her about the wedding. Unless she's paying for it, you're not obligated to go over any of those details with her. Don't share anything that you don't have to and try to change the subject if she brings it up herself. 

Jen4948

I'm on Team Suck It Up. As irritating as your FMIL has been to you lately, disinviting her will add fuel to the fire.

What you can do, though, is set boundaries. If your FMIL asks too many questions, micromanages, or otherwise gets on your nerves, you can let her know she's crossing a line and it's not okay. Stop discussing the wedding with her with the exception of anything she's paying for. If she's not paying, she doesn't get a say.

And don't get drunk.

maine7mob

I am on board with the others. Your relationship with your MIL is way more important than this event. Stay sober and schedule a night out with your friends for another day.

In general, you only disinvite someone if they've done something truly horrible.