Wedding Woes

coronavirus the guest no one invited

so im supposed to be getting married on april 25th 2020. now that the lovely corona virus has appeared i have to face a decision. option 1 move the whole wedding to may 9th (directly after the 50 person suggestion ends) or option 2 get married on the 25th and have a reception/ vow renewal a few weeks later. ive seen a lot of posts about how this isnt correct etiquette and shame on any person who plans their wedding like that. i guess my question is what would you do? have basically two weddings or move the entire thing? thanks for helping the scared as heck bride!

Re: coronavirus the guest no one invited

  • also we are military and have to move at the end of july, so with the predictions of this not ending until august postponing for that long is not an option.
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    so im supposed to be getting married on april 25th 2020. now that the lovely corona virus has appeared i have to face a decision. option 1 move the whole wedding to may 9th (directly after the 50 person suggestion ends) or option 2 get married on the 25th and have a reception/ vow renewal a few weeks later. ive seen a lot of posts about how this isnt correct etiquette and shame on any person who plans their wedding like that. i guess my question is what would you do? have basically two weddings or move the entire thing? thanks for helping the scared as heck bride!
    Personally, I would have the ceremony on the 25th and a celebration later. The important thing about the celebration is that it isn't a reenactment of the wedding. No processional with wedding party, no vows, no first dance. Cake is always appropriate at parties though LOL! No first dance. Just have a really fun, nice party to celebrate your marriage. Also make sure your guests know it is a party not a wedding. You could send wedding announcement out as soon as you are married.
    short+sassyMobKaz
  • Ceremony now celebration much much later
  • Ceremony now celebration much much later
    This.   I would factor no major plans/celebrations until at least the end of May.

    We are looking to be more like Italy and at least two months behind China.   China didn't close Disney World until the days before Lunar New Year.   If that pattern holds then it's not prudent to hold a social gathering outside the nuclear home until Memorial Day weekend at the very earliest. 
  • I'd say that depends on how easy it is to move the wedding to May 9th.  Because cutting it so close means there is a good chance that May 9th can't happen either.  So, if there are costs involved or costs incurred to move it to that date, I personally would stick to April 25th with just a few people.  Or just you, your FI, officiant, and witness(es).

    There is nothing wrong with a party later on, to celebrate your all's marriage.  The reason those types of parties often get a side-eye is because one of the worst, most selfish things people sometimes want to do is lie to their guests by pretending that they are not already married.

    It certainly doesn't sound like that would be the case for you all.  But, like @ILoveBeachMusic mentioned, if you go the route of a celebration party, just make sure it is very clear to anyone invited that the two of you are already married.

    I'm so sorry to be a little blunt, because I know how upsetting the situation is.  But it does sound like you all would be trying to do too much "recreating" the wedding.  It's not a second wedding.  The day you get married is your wedding.  Don't have an officiant for the party, that doesn't make sense.  Don't have a "vow renewal".  Nothing legal is happening that day and you all would have just said your vows a few weeks earlier, so they don't need to be renewed.  However, I wouldn't see anything wrong with doing something similar.  Perhaps a short speech to each other.

    With all that said, is it a major etiquette faux pas to have a pseudo-ceremony as long as all the guests know it isn't real?  No, I don't think so.  If I were a guest, in my own mind I'd think it was a bit weird, but it wouldn't bother me either.

    I know I've seen a few people disagree with me on this, but I also don't think there's anything wrong with wearing whatever you all were planning to wear for your wedding to a celebration party.  If you have a gorgeous wedding dress you love, wear it for the ceremony!  Then wear it again for the party!  Get some mileage out of that beautiful garment!
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I don't see the point of moving it to May 9. That's really only 2 weeks later, and it's pretty unlikely that things will really be back to normal that quickly. If you read some of the other posts, you'll see couples with weddings scheduled in late May trying to decide whether to postpone. 

    If it isn't an option to postpone beyond July, I would plan to just get married on the original date (assuming your officiant is available) and throw a party to celebrate in the fall after you've moved. Well, if it were me personally, I would just postpone the whole thing and either get married in the fall or in 2021, but it sounds like there's a reason you want to be married by July.

    It's poor etiquette to get married and pretend to get married in a fake ceremony later. The etiquette problem is lying to guests. A vow renewal within the first few years of marriage is quite strange, but not an etiquette problem. Still, people will understand a private ceremony now and a celebration party 6 months down the road.  
    charlotte989875downtondivaMairePoppy
  • see and this is where im really fighting with myself, its that i want that first dance, and the cake, and to dance with both my dads. frankly i think that we should just move it. but then thats where my overly "busy" bridesmaids come in and make a bigger issue
  • i know that no matter what ill get to marry the love of my life but you only get one wedding and one chance to make it a dream
  • To be honest, moving it to May 9 is probably not going to change anything at the rate things are going with this virus. I understand you're moving at the end of July due to military obligations, but I'm not sure why that means getting married after that move isn't an option. If you don't mind my asking, is it because you'd have to find all new venue and vendors after that, or is there another reason? 

    If it's not absolutely mandatory that you get married before you move, and if you think you are really going to be bothered at not having the kind of wedding you've dreamed of and planned, I'd just move the whole thing to a later date. While there's nothing wrong with having the ceremony as planned and then a celebration later in the year, you won't be able to have a lot of that typical wedding stuff at that celebration, and it sounds like that's important to you. Not sure what you mean about your bridesmaids being "busy."
    image
  • We do have to be married prior to moving, it is an overseas move so if we did it later we wouldn’t be able to have anyone there with us. May 9th is what I’m thinking just because the occupancy restrictions are supposed to end just before that. They are now saying that if your not in an area with community spread or a high amount of positive cases you can have up to 250 people. It is a rotating wedding so Not everyone will be there all at once. Also with the 15 day plan maybe things will get better? I am just hoping I get lucky at this point! No matter what we will do what we can to keep everyone safe! Utah (that’s where we are) only has 63 cases at this point and they are mostly in two county’s no where near the wedding or where our guests live. So right now...here’s to hoping for the best 
  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited March 20
    I'm going to be the one to say - and I know it goes against etiquette - this situation, I think people will understand if you have the dinner, dance, vow renewal, cake, first dance, etc. while still getting married on the originally planned wedding date.  Just when you do the reschedule, you're honest...  This isn't something anyone could have scripted, HOWEVER, I'd move it later than May 9th because getting everything back online is going to take time and some people may not be off of travel restrictions at that point depending on how the cure/treatment/vaccine work goes...
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    MairePoppy
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I agree with @downtondiva, May 9 could very well be a restricted time too. That isn't too far away.I don't understand what a rotating wedding is, but if people travel and are staying in hotels they are putting themself at risk anyway so it wouldn't matter if they were only together in smaller groups. I certainly hope cities/municipalities aren't increasing the number of people allowed in a group. We have truly isolated yet - thank you spring breakers in Florida. As people travel home, more spread is going to occur. I still say get married in April and have your celebration later. 
    charlotte989875MyNameIsNot
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I agree that moving it to May 9th probably isn't going to help. 

    Get married now, have a celebration later. 

  • none of out guests are traveling from out of state, so that really isnt a huge concern
  • none of out guests are traveling from out of state, so that really isnt a huge concern
    what if you're put into a shelter in place?

    Get married while you can.
  • none of out guests are traveling from out of state, so that really isnt a huge concern
    It’s still a concern because people are still potentially contagious and staying home (regardless of the distance) and away for large gatherings helps stop the spread. Maybe it will be contained in a month, but given the information out of Italy that’s unlikely. 
  • Get married now, have a reception much later. And wear a wedding dress, have the toasts, first dance, etc. People will know it's not a real wedding, but they will be very glad to see you and the bridesmaids in their dresses, especially when this is over.
  • downtondivadowntondiva member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited March 20
    Knowing that you're moving overseas, I'd say have the ceremony before you go. and forego the reception/celebration for now. I don't know that you can count on things being all that different on May 9 than they are on April 25. 

    You might still be able to have a celebration before your move in July, though nobody can guarantee when all this virus stuff will subside enough for us to be able to have big gatherings again. Regardless, I'm going to modify my original answer and say that given the circumstances, I think it's fine to have at least some of the typical wedding traditions (namely toasts, spotlight dances, and cake cutting) at this celebration. But I still don't think I'd recommend doing a vow renewal since you won't have been married that long by then.
    image
    charlotte989875short+sassy
  • none of out guests are traveling from out of state, so that really isnt a huge concern
    It is.   You are probably not going to be able to get together anytime soon.

    I have zero intentions of seeing anyone other than my ILs and that's in two weeks once we can confirm that DH doesn't have it (he finally started working from home yesterday afternoon).   I don't know what state you're in but if you don't have a mandatory 'stay home' yet it's coming. 
    charlotte989875levioosaMairePoppy
  • Hey. This is such a difficult time for all brides and grooms. Personally, my wedding was supposed to be May 16, which is a week after the eight week quarantine. The problem is that we did not wants guests to be stressed and fearful. We had to make the decision yesterday to actually move it to 2021. As hard as it was, I instantly felt relief because this Covid-19 situation is so up in the air and day by day. It was so difficult to know if our wedding would be affected or even if the venue may decide to extend their closure. Good luck to you. I would suggest moving it to at least after September even though that is obviously not ideal.
    MairePoppyshort+sassySTARMOON44knottie5acfc0c652fb695f
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