Wedding Woes

If you love soap dramas then you'll appreciate this wedding woe!

I thought 2020 couldn't get much worse but I have been proven wrong.

My fiancé and I have been venue hunting and after an extensive search and after many unsuccessful viewings, I came across the perfect venue that met 90% of our requirements. We were both so excited as this was the last venue we could see before the Coronavirus lockdown. 

Upon arriving, my fiancé realised that it was the same venue that his younger brother married at 5 years prior. I was not around at the time so I had no idea. My fiancé did not think it would be a big issue but we thought it would be respectful to let him know before booking. The venue was affordable, flexible with our cultural caterers and was in a nearby location so guests wouldn't have to travel too far.

We spoke to his family first and they all thought it would be a lovely idea as it was such a beautiful venue which they would be excited to visit again. My fiancé called his younger brother to ask how he would feel about us using the same venue and his immediate reply was "NO! NO! Don't do that. That's my venue!" and ended the conversation.

The rest of his family were shocked and didn't understand what the issue was and my fiancé's father spoke for an hour expressing that no one can take ownership over a venue just because they had a special moment there. He urged us to do what was best for us and if that meant using the same venue then so be it. His Mother, though initially shocked at her younger son's reaction said that she was not getting in the middle.

After speaking to my own family and looking at other options, my fiancé and I came to the conclusion that we were happy to continue with the booking as it was a dream venue for us both. Furthermore, by the time we would marry there would be a 6-year gap. We had the blessing of his father and mine so we went ahead and secured the deposit.

A few days later, my fiancé's mother text me to ask if we had made a decision in which I explained we understand your sons position but there really should be no reason we are denied this venue just because he married there previously. We explained that we are a completely different couple with differing ideas, guest lists, colour schemes etc. and we hope that his younger brother can attend the day whilst also reminiscing on his own special day.

To my surprise, his Mother replied stating how disappointed she was in both of us going ahead with the venue and that we would be ruining the memory of his special day. She asked "Do you really want your day being compared to his? Your guest list may be slimmer than you think". I was quite speechless.

An hour or so later, I received a call from my fiancés brother who proceeded to berate me down the phone stating that we were no longer family and that he and his wife would not be attending the wedding. I told my fiancé the news and he called his father immediately in hopes that he would advocate for us. The following day, his father (who had previously given his full support) text my fiancé and told him the best thing to do is change the venue.

I spoke to my family about the situation and my father respectfully text my fiancé's father in hopes to resolve the issue. His texts and calls were ignored.

As expected, we are feeling quite low about this. We considered cancelling the venue however we would be charged a large chunk of the venue fee ($8,000). My fiancé contacted his family to explain this and said if they were willing to help with the cancellation costs then we would consider changing the venue. The request was also ignored and his family including his younger brothers maintain the position that we are in the wrong and that they are not sure if they will be attending the wedding next year.

I guess I am writing more so for reassurance and support more than anything else as the family reaction has completely thrown me. I am open to any opinions on the matter.

Thanks



Re: If you love soap dramas then you'll appreciate this wedding woe!

  • You and your FI have done absolutely nothing wrong by choosing the same venue. Families use the same venues for events all the time. I've known a few cases where somebody got married at a venue and everything went so well that their sibling would have their own wedding at the same place a few years later. 

    From now on, though, let your FI deal with his family. You and your family should not engage with them on this any further.
    image
    short+sassycharlotte989875knottie90f41d21f571c8f4
  • That's a weird, over-the-top reaction from your FILs. If I learned that another couple wanted to marry at the venue I married at, I'd take it as a compliment. Your FILs need to grow up and get over that they have no right to expect exclusive venue usage by one couple in the family.

    That said, your FI should be the one to deliver this message. If your FILs contact you about it again, direct them back to your FI: "We've decided that all communications about our wedding should go through FI." Say nothing further to them and let your FI deal with his family.
    kerbohlknottie90f41d21f571c8f4
  • All of my siblings and all of DH's siblings had their wedding receptions at the same venues (respective for each side)..   

    The only thing I can really say is at this point, time to stop the wedding talk with people until the decisions are made, contracts signed, and done-done decisions.  And even then - be prepared to "bean dip".  Also inform your vendors that you and FI are the ONLY ones they talk to in regard to any changes to the event in any way.  (I've been around the boards here long enough that yes nutty family members have been known to call vendors and change/cancel contracts on brides/grooms because they're that level of AH!)..

    Also, recognize that this is how those individuals respond to something as simple as a rented reception venue, be aware they'll throw the same hissy fits over other things (such as if you have kids and decide to use the same diaper brand)..  Do not give it your energy as it's their choice to behave that way and is not a reflection of you.  
    knottie90f41d21f571c8f4
  • MesmrEwe said:
    Also inform your vendors that you and FI are the ONLY ones they talk to in regard to any changes to the event in any way.  (I've been around the boards here long enough that yes nutty family members have been known to call vendors and change/cancel contracts on brides/grooms because they're that level of AH!)..

    Thanks so much, that's great advice- we didn't even consider that they may do something that appalling but it's better to be safe.
  • Oh my gosh, this is all so silly.  What in the world is wrong with your FBIL/future family?

    My H and I have been begging engaged friends and family to use our venue, so that we can go back and experience it again- this time as guests!  Your FBIL is looking at this all, all wrong.

    Stay strong, let your H handle his family, and move forward :)
    charlotte989875ei34knottie90f41d21f571c8f4OliveOilsMom
  • NowIAmSyp said:
    Stay strong, let your H handle his family, and move forward :)
    Thank you for your support  :)
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