Save the Dates + Possible Group Size Restriction

lc0409

Hi Knotties!

Long time lurker, first time poster 

My FI and I are getting married in January 2021, and are getting ready to send out STDs. We both have larger families and intended to invite everyone before the pandemic hit. Now we're getting nervous about sending out the STDs because we're getting married in NY and have some concerns that there may be group size restrictions still during that time.

I know it's completely against etiquette to send a STD and not invite someone, but we also know that if anyone in our family receives a STD and other family members don't, we're never going to hear the end of it. Should we just not send STDs and just wait until we need to send out invites? 

Additionally, I have a strong feeling that even as states reopen, the restrictions around # of people permitted to gather is going to continue to fluctuate - what happens if we invite 150 people and a month later the state says we can only have 50 people? Is it appropriate to 'uninvite' people then? 

I know there are a lot of 'what if' questions here - we're trying to take it day-by-day but it's certainly hard to plan for the unplannable, just curious how other's are handling! 

maine7mob

I would not send STDs. It's too early, for one, and as you noted, everything is in flux right now. Pick a venue that can accommodate everyone you want to invite, but don't invite anyone until 10 weeks or so before the wedding. By then, you should have an idea of how many people will be allowed, so you won't be in the position of uninviting people. There is likely going to be a second wave of this disease, and you are getting married during peak flu season, so you are wise to think about this stuff now.

I really feel for people trying to plan weddings right now! My husband's employee had a socially distant wedding at his business at the beginning of April--they had two witnesses, the officiant, and themselves.  Champagne and cupcakes. They plan to have a big party when they are allowed to do so.

Other friends of ours had a wedding and a series of parties planned for this summer, but have postponed everything until this passes.

MyNameIsNot

I wouldn't send the STDs at all. I think people would have understood if you'd invited 150 people for a wedding in July and had to cut it down to 10, but sending out 150 now and then dropping it to 50 or 100 later is bound to hurt some feelings. 

STDs are nice to have, but they aren't a requirement or necessary. Just skip them and circulate the date informally to your most important VIPs (immediate family, closest friends), but also share that you're playing most of your plans by ear because of the uncertainty. Then when the time comes to send out invitations 8 weeks out, you'll have a much better handle on what is safe and what you can expect. 

lc0409

Thanks @maine7mob !

The venue we've booked can definitely accommodate everyone comfortably, but I think you just answered what my gut is saying, no STDs since there's so much unknown.

I love how your husband's employee did it! We've discussed that being an option if it comes to it, or just do immediate family if allowed and safe to.

Ultimately, as much as we want a big celebration, the safety of our friends and family come first. Our venue has been very busy rescheduling all of the recent weddings but they did let us know that towards the end of the summer they would reach out about scheduling a back-up date if we feel it's needed.

banana468

Skip them.   They aren't required and may just make things more confusing for everyone. 

Casadena

I would also just skip the STD's.  They're never necessary, but even less so right now given all the uncertainty.  

ei34

Ditto the others.  I didn't send STDs at all and I wasn't married in this pandemic era.  You could mention the date to VIPs but I wouldn't send a STD.

lc0409

Thanks, everyone!

I will definitely mention the date to our VIPs instead of sending out STDs 

thunder_bride

I think it's not too early to send save-the-dates. We did ours 12 months in advance. However, our wedding is April 2021 and we expect there won't be restrictions by then. I would send them to your "A list" (people you will definitely invite, even if the wedding is small) and if you can add more later, just give them an invitation in the fall.