In need of advice!

knottie264aeababdce07f6

So, I'm "all but engaged." My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years. We got the ring last fall, but he wants the moment to be perfect, so I'm patiently waiting  

In the meantime, though, we have been doing some thinking about the bigger details of our 2021 wedding. We want a smaller wedding- immediate family and a couple of our closest friends. We want to get married in Florida, in summer (we figure June, since July and August would be miserably hot, and September a hurricane risk). But, we're having trouble deciding if that's the best decision. 1/3 of the guest list we figured up is under 8 years old- 10 out of 30 people. And we don't know if a destination wedding is a good idea because of that. Florida is our favorite place; we go for a week every summer for independence day, but we also know that this could be an inconvenience for our families because they'd either have to drive 12+ hours (from NC) or for some of them fly, with several little kids. We've dreamed for a couple years now of getting married at our favorite place to be, but we're starting to realize the possibility of not getting to do that.

We have also thrown around the idea of a private wedding on the sand, just the two of us, and maybe having a party back home- but we are afraid we'll regret not being surrounded by the people we love most as we get married. (Plus I know some of the family will be pissed about not getting to be there).

Any advice or suggestions? I'm not sure what we should do!

Jen4948

Give yourself some time to realize what you really want - a wedding with your families and friends present, a private wedding, a wedding in your dream spot, etc. As you note, some of these ideas are unworkable, so you'll have to do some tradeoffs. 

Also, realize that no matter what, you may well piss off someone who isn't okay with it. If you really want a small wedding that doesn't include family or close friends, that's something you'll have to own and accept.

That said, you need not plan your entire wedding around what they want. If you find yourself having to compromise too much, it's okay to put your foot down and tell people, "I'm sorry you're not happy, but this is what we're doing. We are not changing the plans. This decision is final and the subject is closed." When there are less blunt and more diplomatic ways of saying this that are effective, by all means use them, but if you have to fall back on this degree of straightforwardness, then realize that it's not wrong. Let your FI be the one to deal with his family and friends, and you deal with yours.

knottie264aeababdce07f6

Thank you! I've been stressing so hard over this stuff, I haven't even thought about the fact that this is for my boyfriend and I first and foremost.

We're starting to think maybe having a private wedding and then a big get together back home might be the way to go for us.

MyNameIsNot

Agree with PP. You need to decide what you want and stick with it.

I just wanted to add, June in Florida is still hot. If you're thinking of doing something outdoors, you may want to rethink timing. I sweat my makeup off as a bridesmaid in an April wedding in Florida a few years ago (and I'm from Georgia; I'm no stranger to the heat.) 85 degrees is great when you're hanging out on the beach, but it's not ideal when you have your hair/makeup done, are wearing a big dress, and want to look nice for photos.

knottie264aeababdce07f6

Yeah, that's a good point. We just wanted to figure out a time when all the kids would be out of school so they wouldn't have to miss any days. So, we thought summer would be ideal. Having a big family makes planning a small wedding so hard, haha!

forevermarriedbrainshadia

If you know that it will be an inconvenience for your family to travel that far for your wedding then you should find a place closer. Congradulations on your wedding day!