Destination Weddings Discussions

A & B guest list

Hi everyone!

I recently heard about the A and B guest list idea from The Knot and am wondering if anyone has any advice on it. I know this is kind of controversial, but what drew us to this idea is knowing that several of our "VIP" guests will probably not be able to make it due to finances, lack of ability to travel long distances, etc., and we would love to invite some other people in their place. Obviously, at this time we do not yet know who is and isn't going to be able to go so we aren't able to discuss this issue with them before we send out invites....hence the A and B list. 

Has anyone does this? How does it work with save the dates? Is it weird for someone to get an invite without getting a save the date? 

Thanks! :)

Re: A & B guest list

  • maine7mobmaine7mob Maine, USA member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    Yikes! I hope you are joking! Please just make a list of everyone you can afford to have at your wedding. Invite all of those people, assuming they will come. If they can't, please don't send out last minute invites trying to fill the space.

    Imagine how you would feel if you if you were a guest who didn't make the first cut, then got invited a few weeks before the ceremony. You'd be hurt, right? So put yourself in the position of your guests and don't do this. They are people with feelings, not accessories to your big day.

    Save the dates aren't necessary, so don't worry about them. Just pick your date and venue, and let your VIPs know via word of mouth.
    short+sassyMesmrEwe
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Hi everyone!

    I recently heard about the A and B guest list idea from The Knot and am wondering if anyone has any advice on it. I know this is kind of controversial, but what drew us to this idea is knowing that several of our "VIP" guests will probably not be able to make it due to finances, lack of ability to travel long distances, etc., and we would love to invite some other people in their place. Obviously, at this time we do not yet know who is and isn't going to be able to go so we aren't able to discuss this issue with them before we send out invites....hence the A and B list. 

    Has anyone does this? How does it work with save the dates? Is it weird for someone to get an invite without getting a save the date? 

    Thanks! :)
    You can’t discuss the issue, but I can guarantee that those on the “B” list will know and most probably discuss the tackiness of the less than thoughtful invitation.  You need to make ONE and only one guest list.  
    My question is why you would choose to select a wedding location in which you know some of your own nearest and dearest won’t be able to attend.  Those people cannot and should not be replaced by seat fillers.
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Oh no. Please don’t look to the Knot for planning/etiquette advice. B lists are horribly rude. How would you like to know about a wedding but not be “good enough” to have made it onto the first round of invites? It’s rude and insulting. Plan the wedding you can afford. The Knot is part of the wedding industrial complex that only cares about money and not how you treat your nearest and dearest or how well you keep your relationships. 


    image
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Don't do this. It is hurtful and insulting to guests to receive a wedding invitation that close to the wedding date. It says to them that their presence isn't really valued by the couple. And people who receive a wedding invitation with that little advance notice probably can't get time off or make travel plans to attend the wedding, so the likelihood is that they wouldn't be there anyway.

    If you really want to invite someone to your wedding, please invite them at the same time as all the other guests. That means budgeting and planning for all of them to attend at the same time, regardless of whether they are ultimately able to attend your wedding.
  • Please do not do an A&B list...  Either invite or don't invite.  I've gotten the invite after they've done an inventory invite, and it was so late notice there was no way for me to get an affordable flight to attend which meant I couldn't go.  Had I gotten the notice with the "A" list I'd have probably been able to find a family sitter and DH & I would have gone but at that point the cheapest flight I could get was $1200 with stops to a place with notice the tickets are normally $150 or so and direct flights...
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