I am writing to you even though I probably already know your answer. I’ve been married for less than six months to a man with anger issues. If I question him about anything, he will blow up and blame me for “starting a fight.” He says I accuse him rather than ask him, and therefore I never get a response to my questions. Now, every time I want to ask him something, my stomach ties up in knots, because I know I’m going to regret it, and that no matter how carefully I approach him, it will be wrong. I’ve tried changing everything about how I communicate, but at least once a month, it leads to a huge fight that lasts for long, miserable days. He’ll argue about whether we’re arguing. I am afraid of how quickly he gets angry and how he screams at me. Then he’ll deny screaming or says it’s my fault for making him scream. Sometimes we have huge fights, and I don’t even know what I’ve done wrong. He usually ends these fights by storming out.
I don’t understand how one single statement or question can cause someone to blow a gasket this way. I feel crazy and depressed, plus I’m embarrassed that my marriage is this way. Lately, it has had an impact on my health. If I am afraid to ask my husband a question, is there even any point being married? Will counseling help, or will I somehow be blamed there, too? I feel like there’s no one to turn to that I can trust.