Wedding Woes

No means no

Dear Prudence,

I’ve been dating this gentleman for about two years now, and our sex life is beyond satisfying, at least for me. For years I’ve heard plenty of anecdotes from friends about how their boyfriends enjoy prostate play. I asked my boyfriend about it one night, and his mood changed pretty quickly. He made it clear he was not up for anal play, even though he admitted some of his friends liked it, too.

A few months later I plucked up the courage to ask him if he’d like to try to “figure it out” together. This time, he said he’d tried it twice (by himself) before, that it hadn’t resulted in any pleasure, and that he felt angry and disgusted with himself afterward. The thing is that he does acknowledge that it’s a highly sensitive erogenous zone for most men, but when I asked if he’d like to research further together, he was apathetic and noncommittal. I just don’t want him to miss out on something he could really enjoy if he’d just agree to a little bit of help. Is there any chance for me to loosen my boyfriend up from being so “uptight” about this?

—Ready to Explore

Re: No means no

  • CharmedPamCharmedPam Chicagoburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Yeah why are you pushing it?  I’s be so happy if someone didn’t want that from me.

    ei34OliveOilsMomcharlotte989875MesmrEwe
  • cupcait927cupcait927 Western NY wine country member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    You've brought it up twice and he's shown no interest either time. It's not something that he wants to explore so LW needs to drop it.
    short+sassy
  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    NO! 

    Some women like anal too.   How would she feel if he kept asking her about it and she kept saying, "I don't like the feeling of pooping backwards.   Could you please stop??" 

    He's said that this isn't something he wants to pursue.   

    Quite frankly, I don't know LW wants to write this letter.   It could be any other topic and the phrasing is really arrogant, "How can I nag my partner to do something that he doesn't want to do but that I want him to do?" 

    As a grown adult in relationship you respect the answers from your partner.   You shouldn't push this issue or an aversion to eating asparagus.  Get over your arrogance and understand that it's not on the table. 
    charlotte989875
  • Why are you assuming that your boyfriend doesn't find your sex life as satisfying as you do? You don't get to decide what someone else would find enjoyable in bed. Only your boyfriend can decide this, and he's made it clear he's not interested in what you're talking about. Accept his answer and move on. 
    image
    short+sassycupcait927charlotte989875OliveOilsMom
  • WTH is wrong with this LW?  He's not GGG with prostrate play.  And has even tried it before with himself.  So let it go already.  It's super sh***y to keep brining something up he has already said no to.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    This LW is creepy. 

    banana468charlotte989875OliveOilsMom
  • LW needs to back t.f off. Partner said no, drop it.
  • You’re actively ignoring what he’s telling you. You don’t know more about what he wants than he does. Stop now. 
    ei34STARMOON44
  • Just because some men like it (and boy howdy, do they looooove it) doesn't mean all men do.  Your man is a:
     

  • CharmedPamCharmedPam Chicagoburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    This is honestly news to me that men like this.  Ex requested it but I thought it was one of his weird fetishes he had. Now I’m going to have to research this more.

  • Can I just add the "NOT ALL MEN" here .... 
    drunkenwitch
  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Can I just add the "NOT ALL MEN" here .... 
    YUP!

    Hell, I have a friend who was introduced to heterosexual anal by his ex-wife and it is clearly NOT on the table for a lot of women. 


    MissKittyDanger
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Tbh men enjoying (receiving) anal makes a whole lot more sense to me than women enjoying receiving it. Like at least there is something in there with a secondary function of pleasure for men. Not knocking anyone who enjoys it. It’s not my personal cup of tea but if you like it have at it. Lol. 


    image
    charlotte989875MissKittyDanger
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