Honorary Maid of Honor Thoughts

angelamarieeexx

[edited] Hi! So I've decided to go with a Man of Honor and ask my male cousin to be that "maid of honor" spot. His girlfriend is amazing and will one day be a part of my family too and she wants to help the MoH in planning the shower/bachelorette/etc, be a sounding board for planning, etc. It's kind of like they are a package deal . I feel weird not acknowledging her in some fashion and one of my other bridesmaids suggested a "Honorary Maid of Honor" title which i'm totally cool with but she also asked me if i expect her to wear my colors or not just so she knew and that got me thinking if I should just make her a formal Bridesmaid or is there something else you would suggest? When i first put my party together I wasn't expecting her to be so excited and involved, which is great, but now I just don't want her to feel awkward or snubbed so wondering how I could/should integrate her. Any thoughts? 

MyNameIsNot

angelamarieeexx said:

Hi! So I've decided to go with a Man of Honor and ask my male cousin to be that "maid of honor" spot. His girlfriend is amazing and will one day be a part of my family too and she is going to be active in all of my wedding prep and planning (leaning in heavily to help the Man of Honor in all of his responsibilities lol ). I feel weird not acknowledging her in some fashion and one of my other bridesmaids suggested a "Honorary Maid of Honor" title which i'm totally cool with but she also asked me if i expect her to wear my colors or not just so she knew and that got me thinking if I should just make her a formal Bridesmaid or is keeping the "Honorary" title okay? I just don't want her to feel awkward or snubbed. Any thoughts? 

"Honorary" WP member is for someone who would have been in your WP, but couldn't be at the ceremony. It's common when someone is unable to travel or ill. It's not for someone to be a runner-up member of the WP. If you are close enough to ask her to be in the wedding, ask her to be a MOH or bridesmaid. If you're not that close, she can be a guest. If you don't want her to stand up for you, there's no reason to embarrass her about it. 

There are no duties for anyone in the wedding. Planning is solely your and your FI's responsibility. If someone offers to help, it's fine to take them up on it, but expecting someone to plan because of their title is not ok. 

banana468

I wouldn't go for it.   Make her a bridesmaid or thank her for her involvement.   When DH was in a friend's wedding 12 years ago I wasn't in it and was involved and was happy to be involved.

climbingsingle

If you want to her be a bridesmaid, as her to part of the WP. As a PP mentioned, the honorary title would be for someone who would not be able to be there. 

What kind of responsibilities does your MOH have?? Why does she need to help him?

angelamarieeexx

To be clear, i was referring to more of their involvement in planning the shower/bachelorette stuff they voluntary want to do. I'm not imposing any like formal "duties" on them but she wants to help be one of my sounding boards during planning, help the MoH with coming up with ideas/etc., and be a part of the festivities, which i'm totally fine with. Like i said she's practically family but when I initially put together my party I didn't expect her to be so enthusiastic and excited to be a part of the day so I guess that's why i'm now sort of considering if there is some way to integrate her more formally or if i should just make her a bridesmaid. Noted that Honorary is more for someone who is not able to attend, I haven't really heard of the title before so wasn't 100% clear on it's meaning.

charlotte989875

angelamarieeexx said:

To be clear, i was referring to more of their involvement in planning the shower/bachelorette stuff they voluntary want to do. I'm not imposing any like formal "duties" on them but she wants to help be one of my sounding boards during planning, help the MoH with coming up with ideas/etc., and be a part of the festivities, which i'm totally fine with. Like i said she's practically family but when I initially put together my party I didn't expect her to be so enthusiastic and excited to be a part of the day so I guess that's why i'm now sort of considering if there is some way to integrate her more formally or if i should just make her a bridesmaid. Noted that Honorary is more for someone who is not able to attend, I haven't really heard of the title before so wasn't 100% clear on it's meaning.

I would ask her to be a bridesmaid. Sounds like you two are close and you’ve included her in a lot of wedding related things already. Any reason why you wouldnt ask her? 

Jen4948

angelamarieeexx said:

To be clear, i was referring to more of their involvement in planning the shower/bachelorette stuff they voluntary want to do. I'm not imposing any like formal "duties" on them but she wants to help be one of my sounding boards during planning, help the MoH with coming up with ideas/etc., and be a part of the festivities, which i'm totally fine with. Like i said she's practically family but when I initially put together my party I didn't expect her to be so enthusiastic and excited to be a part of the day so I guess that's why i'm now sort of considering if there is some way to integrate her more formally or if i should just make her a bridesmaid. Noted that Honorary is more for someone who is not able to attend, I haven't really heard of the title before so wasn't 100% clear on it's meaning.

I would go ahead and ask her to be a bridesmaid, since she's been so helpful to you and "she's practically family."

downtondiva

Ask her to be a bridesmaid. The only time someone should be an "honorary" member of your wedding party is if they normally would have been standing up with you at the wedding but was not able to attend.