Wedding Party

Help. Fiancé's family wants to be involved!

So my future Mother in Law won't leave me alone about why no one from my Fiancé's side is in the wedding. For example, he was in both of his sisters' weddings as a groomesmen. His sisters are both way older than me (I'll be 24 at the wedding and they'll be late 30s/early 40s) and im only having a small wedding party anyway and honestly I wouldn't consider us close enough to make them bridesmaids. I don't hate them but I'm closer to other women that I would make bridesmaids before them. His mother is also upset because his two nieces aren't involved at all. They'll be 12 and 10 by the time of the wedding so a little old to be flower girls. We're not having readings as we're not religious or programs at the wedding so I dont know what to do. His parents aren't paying for anything so I dont feel obligated to adhere to their wishes. 

Re: Help. Fiancé's family wants to be involved!

  • So my future Mother in Law won't leave me alone about why no one from my Fiancé's side is in the wedding. For example, he was in both of his sisters' weddings as a groomesmen. His sisters are both way older than me (I'll be 24 at the wedding and they'll be late 30s/early 40s) and im only having a small wedding party anyway and honestly I wouldn't consider us close enough to make them bridesmaids. I don't hate them but I'm closer to other women that I would make bridesmaids before them. His mother is also upset because his two nieces aren't involved at all. They'll be 12 and 10 by the time of the wedding so a little old to be flower girls. We're not having readings as we're not religious or programs at the wedding so I dont know what to do. His parents aren't paying for anything so I dont feel obligated to adhere to their wishes. 
    You don’t have to have anyone in your wedding you are not close with and it’s no one’s business who you ask. The ages of his sisters are irrelevant, if you’re not close, you’re not close. 

    If his mother keeps asking tell her to ask him, if he wants to include them on his side he can. 
  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    So my future Mother in Law won't leave me alone about why no one from my Fiancé's side is in the wedding. For example, he was in both of his sisters' weddings as a groomesmen. His sisters are both way older than me (I'll be 24 at the wedding and they'll be late 30s/early 40s) and im only having a small wedding party anyway and honestly I wouldn't consider us close enough to make them bridesmaids. I don't hate them but I'm closer to other women that I would make bridesmaids before them. His mother is also upset because his two nieces aren't involved at all. They'll be 12 and 10 by the time of the wedding so a little old to be flower girls. We're not having readings as we're not religious or programs at the wedding so I dont know what to do. His parents aren't paying for anything so I dont feel obligated to adhere to their wishes. 
    You don’t have to have anyone in your wedding you are not close with and it’s no one’s business who you ask. The ages of his sisters are irrelevant, if you’re not close, you’re not close. 

    If his mother keeps asking tell her to ask him, if he wants to include them on his side he can. 
    This. Beyond this, if his mother keeps questioning your wedding party decisions, I'd just tell her that you've heard her wishes, but you've chosen the people closest to you and from this point on the subject is closed.
  • Who to include in your wedding party is entirely your decision. You're not obligated to include your fiance's siblings or nieces, especially if you don't feel close to them. I was not asked to be a bridesmaid when my brother and SIL got married, and I was totally fine with it. 

    Next time your FMIL brings up this issue, tell her you've made up your mind about your wedding party and the subject is closed. If she still won't relent, it's probably time for your fiance to talk to her and tell her to back off. 


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  • ei34ei34 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I didn't include H's sisters as bridesmaids when I got married.  We get along well enough but they're not my nearest and dearest.  You absolutely don't have to include them or the nieces.  Ditto @MyNameIsNot line- your FI could've included them and your FMIL should be bothering him instead of you. 
  • The age thing shouldn't matter. But you should think about how to keep a good relationship going forward. You don't technically have to ask your fiance's family members to be in your wedding, but in some cases, it might be the prudent thing to do. You decide!
  • For the next decade, maybe longer... At any family gathering, they will all remember.

    It is your choice. It will have consequences.
  • For the next decade, maybe longer... At any family gathering, they will all remember.

    It is your choice. It will have consequences.
    Hopefully the consequences will be that the family learns they can't bully this couple and get whatever they want. 

    No one is owed a spot in a WP, and if someone is holding a grudge a decade later, it's because they are a shitty human. No one should care what shitty humans think. 
  • For the next decade, maybe longer... At any family gathering, they will all remember.

    It is your choice. It will have consequences.
    Hopefully the consequences will be that the family learns they can't bully this couple and get whatever they want. 

    No one is owed a spot in a WP, and if someone is holding a grudge a decade later, it's because they are a shitty human. No one should care what shitty humans think. 
    FI has two sisters. One I get along with really well and consider one of my closest friends. I don’t really get along with the other sister. I don’t intend on asking the one I’m not close to to be be in my BP (if I even have a BP) and I hope to god when she gets married she doesn’t ask me just because we’re “family.” Please spare both of us. 

    OP shouldn’t have anyone in her BP she isn’t close to. Her FI can have his sisters stand up on his side if he wants. 

    But OP, age really is irrelevant. 


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