Dress Drama

knottie7984c9849ce85eb4

I am getting married this fall (40/f) and trying to keep things on the smaller side. Our wedding party consists of the maid of honor, best man, and my fiance's two kids (8 and 10). Given the kids ages and that this wedding is also a big deal for them, we want them standing up with us as part of the wedding party, rather than flower girl and ring bearer. My MOH is now throwing a fit about "dressing alike with an 8 year old". I have been quite clear that it won't be the same dress, and have basically given her free reign about what she picks, as long its the color I requested (my second choice color for the record, as she didn't feel comfortable in the first color I wanted, due to her hair/complexion).  I know that having everyone wear the same color is not required but, quite frankly, I like it.  She is pissed and has called it an extremely bizarre idea because if they wear the same color they will "look too similar". Am I crazy? A dress for an 8 year old and a 38 year old will only share a color, certainly nothing else. It all seems like a fairly standard request and I'm at a loss.

MyNameIsNot

knottie7984c9849ce85eb4 said:

I am getting married this fall (40/f) and trying to keep things on the smaller side. Our wedding party consists of the maid of honor, best man, and my fiance's two kids (8 and 10). Given the kids ages and that this wedding is also a big deal for them, we want them standing up with us as part of the wedding party, rather than flower girl and ring bearer. My MOH is now throwing a fit about "dressing alike with an 8 year old". I have been quite clear that it won't be the same dress, and have basically given her free reign about what she picks, as long its the color I requested (my second choice color for the record, as she didn't feel comfortable in the first color I wanted, due to her hair/complexion).  I know that having everyone wear the same color is not required but, quite frankly, I like it.  She is pissed and has called it an extremely bizarre idea because if they wear the same color they will "look too similar". Am I crazy? A dress for an 8 year old and a 38 year old will only share a color, certainly nothing else. It all seems like a fairly standard request and I'm at a loss.

You're not crazy. Even if the 8 year old was a flower girl, she would probably be in the same color as the MOH. 

I would say "All of the WP will be wearing the same color. If it bothers you that much to be wearing the same color as Susie, you are welcome to attend as a guest and wear anything you like. I'm not going to change her attire to suit you, and I'm not going to discuss this any further." 

Jen4948

MyNameIsNot said:

knottie7984c9849ce85eb4 said:

I am getting married this fall (40/f) and trying to keep things on the smaller side. Our wedding party consists of the maid of honor, best man, and my fiance's two kids (8 and 10). Given the kids ages and that this wedding is also a big deal for them, we want them standing up with us as part of the wedding party, rather than flower girl and ring bearer. My MOH is now throwing a fit about "dressing alike with an 8 year old". I have been quite clear that it won't be the same dress, and have basically given her free reign about what she picks, as long its the color I requested (my second choice color for the record, as she didn't feel comfortable in the first color I wanted, due to her hair/complexion).  I know that having everyone wear the same color is not required but, quite frankly, I like it.  She is pissed and has called it an extremely bizarre idea because if they wear the same color they will "look too similar". Am I crazy? A dress for an 8 year old and a 38 year old will only share a color, certainly nothing else. It all seems like a fairly standard request and I'm at a loss.

You're not crazy. Even if the 8 year old was a flower girl, she would probably be in the same color as the MOH. 

I would say "All of the WP will be wearing the same color. If it bothers you that much to be wearing the same color as Susie, you are welcome to attend as a guest and wear anything you like. I'm not going to change her attire to suit you, and I'm not going to discuss this any further." 

This exactly. Your MOH is being childish. You could have decreed that everyone in your wedding party dress alike (within a budget affordable to all) without turning into a bridezilla. You're not even requiring that much. 

maine7mob

Your MOH sounds like a drama queen. But she may get her wish after all. My daughter found it impossible to find a dress for the junior BM that was the same color as the ones her BM wore. She had to get a sash that was close enough, but not exact, for the girl to tie around her white dress. It worked. But if you can find dresses the same color for all, just remind your MOH that if it's good enough for the British royal family to have matching dress colors in their weddings,  it's gonna have to be good enough for her.

levioosa

At first I thought you were talking about the 8 year old throwing a fit, and then I realized you were talking about a grown ass woman. She’s being ridiculous. Other PPs have gone over suggestions on how to handle this. 

MesmrEwe

What the PP have covered...  Let her wear the color she wants and for the kids have them wearing the main color you wanted in the first place, make it special as you pick out the dresses with them.  You've given her full reign to purchase a dress in the secondary color, you aren't dictating every detail, she may not like it that the kids aren't dressed up as mini brides, that's on her, not you nor FI!  Your bridal vision wins the day on this discussion, requests are reasonable, time to practice your bean dip if she brings it up again (also, do your part, no more dress discussions with her!)...

knottie7984c9849ce85eb4

Thanks all. She has confirmed that she will feel "absolutely ridiculous" and has backed out as MOH.

Jen4948

knottie7984c9849ce85eb4 said:

Thanks all. She has confirmed that she will feel "absolutely ridiculous" and has backed out as MOH.

You dodged a bullet. She's being "absolutely ridiculous."

climbingsingle

knottie7984c9849ce85eb4 said:

Thanks all. She has confirmed that she will feel "absolutely ridiculous" and has backed out as MOH.

That's unfortunate, but sounds like it's for the best. She's being completely ridiculous.