drastic haircut before wedding

htow

I'm not sure if this is the best forum to post this in, but figured since I'm posting as a bridesmaid this would work. My FH's brother is getting married in October and we're both in the wedding party. My FSIL has been very clear that she does not want any of the groomsmen to have facial hair for the wedding, which several of them are not happy about. My FH at least has decided to just go ahead and shave for the wedding. I have been considering getting a fairly drastic haircut. I currently have hair down to my butt and I've been thinking for a long time about getting it cut to around my collarbone. While hair and beards are certainly different, I'm worried she'll have a similar reaction about my hair to the beard situation. I don't necessarily want to ask for "permission" to get my hair cut because I don't feel like I should need to, but also certainly don't want to cause any unneeded stress or drama. Should I just try to subtly mention that I'm thinking of getting a haircut? Should I let her know that I am getting a hair cut in the context of wedding hairstyles etc.? Should I outright ask her for permission? Thanks in advanced for any input!

maine7mob

Your FSIL is being unreasonable. You are not props in her play. You are people. It is beyond gracious of your FH to acquiesce to her demand that he be clean-shaven. That says a lot about him as a person and his willingness to keep the peace.

And I understand why you might not want to rock the boat, since this family will soon be yours. But you are not going to shave your head and get Nazi symbols tattooed on it; you are getting a haircut that you have carefully thought about. If I were you, I would just go ahead and do it, then joyfully announce how happy you are to have finally done it. It has nothing to do with the wedding. It is your hair. I am afraid that if you mention it beforehand, your FSIL might think she has a say in what you do. And she does not. She has no rights here at all. 

Jen4948

Your FSIL is not entitled to decide what hair arrangements any member of the wedding party has. If your FH wants to keep his facial hair and you don't want to change your hairstyle, those are his and your decisions to make respectively. She gets no say.

Go ahead and get your hair cut and styled however you see fit. If she has any kind of negative reaction, she's out of line. If your FH wants to honor her demand, that's nice of him, but he doesn't have to.

banana468

I think it's remarkable that the men are cool with shaving.   My DH has had a beard for nearly 6 years and as his actual wife I'd be super sad if he felt pressured to shave it by anyone.  IMO - that pressure should only come from me or a member of the Steinbrenner family (and DH is no MLB player!).   Cut your hair because your hair is your choice and don't think twice about it. 

htow

Thank you all for the support and advice! I've booked my appointment and am hoping to donate about a foot of hair. I'm hoping she doesn't have a negative reaction and I'm just being overly cautious. I can always cite the fact that I'm donating the hair if she complains xD

MyNameIsNot

htow said:

Thank you all for the support and advice! I've booked my appointment and am hoping to donate about a foot of hair. I'm hoping she doesn't have a negative reaction and I'm just being overly cautious. I can always cite the fact that I'm donating the hair if she complains xD

Yep, or you could cite the fact that your hair is none of her business. 

MairePoppy

It's your hair. Cut if you want. I don't know where some brides get the idea that they have control over their wedding party's grooming. I'm surprised the men are going along with this.

I hope you have fun with your new look.

levioosa

FSIL sounds like a nightmare.