Wedding Woes

Leaving on 'good terms' means you put in proper notice. That's about it.

Dear Prudence,

I am very excited—I just got accepted onto a postgraduate that I’ve wanted to do for years. Since my undergraduate I have been doing a course part time and working full time in a teaching post. The place I worked for was corrupt, misogynistic, and homophobic. It knowingly employed unprofessional, even dangerous people. I am not sorry to be leaving. But I was helped by a mentor and a few colleagues, and I’m going to miss them. They’re all more than twice my age, and I know they expected me to be in this job for a long time, probably until retirement, often telling me how I could use the next 20 years to my advantage.

Now that I’m leaving, I know I’m going to be hit with disappointment, annoyance, and anger. To be honest, I’m a bit scared to face all this. I’m not good with confrontation and terrible with even the idea that someone is mad at me. Especially my mentor, whom I love, but has had issues with cutting people off in the past. So how can I best deal with quitting a job that I’m glad to leave, but a bit sad to be leaving the people? I’m not sure we’d ever be friends that would meet outside of work, but I’d at least like to leave on good terms.

—Foot Out the Door

Re: Leaving on 'good terms' means you put in proper notice. That's about it.

  • This is part of being a professional adult. Is it hard? Yes. Do you have to do it anyway? Also yes. 

    For your supervisor keep it short and direct. “I appreciate the mentor ship and guidance over the years and it’s helped me decide to pursue a graduate degree in X. My last day will be Y. Thank you for the guidance.”

    Then figure out what you need to do for HR. You can’t control his reaction or response, only how you handle yourself. 
    mrsconn23ei34
  • Good lord, your quitting a job not abandoning a busload of puppies.  Stop the hand wringing and live your life. 

    mrsconn23short+sassyOliveOilsMomei34
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Who even stays with a company for 20+ years anymore?

    I know it can happen, but expecting it is weird. 
    short+sassycharlotte989875ei34
  • Who even stays with a company for 20+ years anymore?

    I know it can happen, but expecting it is weird. 
    Ha.  I'm coming up on 20 years at my own company, but I know I'm an outlier for my age.   But if I ever leave here, I don't expect to stay 20 years anywhere else.  DH has averaged about 3-5 years at all his companies. 
    charlotte989875OliveOilsMom
  • Who even stays with a company for 20+ years anymore?

    I know it can happen, but expecting it is weird. 
    18 years in the industry and 5+ at the company that bought my prior employer.  DH is at his for 17.   Neither are 20 but we're not big movers.  
    charlotte989875
  • Who even stays with a company for 20+ years anymore?

    I know it can happen, but expecting it is weird. 
    Right!?!  I wish for that kind of job security, lol.

    But I'm also a bit jaded because most of my career has been in industries where my hours get billed to a client.  When projects end/downsize/cut budgets, my position is also at risk of going bye-bye.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    MyNameIsNot
  • Disappointment, sure.  But any colleague who is "annoyed" or "angry" isn't worthy of the LW's angst they have in leaving that person.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    mrsconn23 said:
    Who even stays with a company for 20+ years anymore?

    I know it can happen, but expecting it is weird. 
    Ha.  I'm coming up on 20 years at my own company, but I know I'm an outlier for my age.   But if I ever leave here, I don't expect to stay 20 years anywhere else.  DH has averaged about 3-5 years at all his companies. 
    I hit my 15th year in Feb.  I do expect to retire from my current job!  Just another 28 years to go...
  • I feel for the LW. My son is in his first post-college job and already knows it is not the field for him. He does have some good mentors there and all of them are older than we, his parents, and they've told him how needed young people are in his workplace (Maine, journalism). He wants to stay another few months, but has the same inner turmoil.
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