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Guest Attire Request

Dtzy_PigDtzy_Pig member
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Hey! I need help. I have put on our invitations that the attire for our wedding (ceremony followed by reception) is semi-formal. I want to include more details on our website but am having a hard time finding a polite way to put it. I'd like people to take the opportunity to use our wedding as a date night themselves and get dressed up. I'm also asking that no one wear red or burgundy. I'm struggling to put all of that into wording that is fun, polite and positive but also gets the point across that this isn't really a suggestion. :)  
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Re: Guest Attire Request

  • downtondivadowntondiva member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited July 2020
    Unless it's black tie or your venue has a strict dress code that could keep your guests out if they don't follow it, you aren't really supposed to tell your guests what to wear. And you really shouldn't tell people what colors they can or can't wear. There's no polite way to do any of this, so don't even try. Truth is, you'll probably hardly notice what people are wearing that day anyway. And to kind of echo/build on what @banana468 said, with all the crap going on in the world right now, a lot of people are not in a position to go out and get a new outfit.

    Also, and I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but a lot of people aren't all that thrilled over attending a wedding. They don't think of it as "date night" or get excited over "an opportunity to dress up." Just appreciate that people attend your wedding and don't try to dictate how they feel about it.
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  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Totally agree with the above PPs. Do not tell your guests what to wear. From another thread though, the only thing it would appropriate to require is a mask since we are in this pandemic. That is a life or death request while everything you mentioned is for your vision. The important thing is that your guests are comfortable and have a good time at your reception. Believe me, it isn't all that important what they wear. You probably won't remember, and I can guarantee no one else will remember what anyone else is wearing either.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Don't make any guest attire requests unless your venue has a dress code. It really wouldn't be appropriate.

    Set the tone of the wedding with the style of your invitations. If you want to indicate that they should dress up, choose a formal style of invitation. But let your guests decide for themselves what to wear.

    And be prepared for guests to show up underdressed regardless of what you do. This happened at the wedding of one of my cousins, where some of his relatives on the other side of his family came to a formal wedding in casual shirts and pants. They stood out, but my cousin and the bride wisely didn't bother to call attention to them.
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    No, you don't get to dictate attire to your wedding guests. You're 100% in the wrong. 

    Also, semi-formal is not even a real thing. 
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  • ei34ei34 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    climbingwife said:
    No, you don't get to dictate attire to your wedding guests. You're 100% in the wrong. 

    Also, semi-formal is not even a real thing. 
    ^The bolded.  "Semi-formal" is super open-ended. And reminds me of like a high school sports awards dinner.

    To echo PP, mentioning dress code to guests is important when it's to let guests know about a venue or house of worship's dress code.  I always appreciate an FYI on the wedding website if part of the wedding will be on sand, grass, etc...I'll wear wedges instead of heels.  I'd recommend editing your invitations and not worrying about whether the guests think of your wedding as a date night/chance to get dressed up.  (Personally weddings always feel to me more like a night out with friends...H and I have never sat by ourselves at a wedding except the sweetheart table at our own.)

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  • banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    climbingwife said:
    No, you don't get to dictate attire to your wedding guests. You're 100% in the wrong. 

    Also, semi-formal is not even a real thing. 
    THIS!  I've been to a few "semi formal" weddings that were less formal than my wedding that specified diddly squat.   
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  • knottie23ef5e4036a74e92knottie23ef5e4036a74e92 member
    First Comment
    Don't make any guest attire requests unless your venue has a dress code. It really wouldn't be appropriate. 
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