I was approached three times for modeling opportunities, once by what I didn’t realize at the time was a large fashion magazine (that Kim Kardashian herself “broke the internet” on). I thought myself spiritually and intellectually above it and that my life would amount to more, so I put the cards handed to me in a little box. Well: Hello, 28th birthday, hello not amounting to what I thought I would, and hello regret. It haunts me. I do catwalks in my room. Is it too late? Do I even want it? I’m aging, I’m not the fabulous writer I wanted (want) to be (depressed, unmotivated). Am I doomed to regret? Do I pursue modeling? I enjoy my beauty, maybe more now than I did then. For the record, I know 28 is when models usually retire. Or should I pursue therapy? It really sucks. I feel like a waste.
—Haunted by Should-Haves