Wedding Woes

Classic Prudie: This is the stuff of Lifetime movies. RUN!

My husband and I have been married a little over two years. Soon after getting married, my husband, who works in information technology, revealed to me that for the prior year he had placed a tracker on my laptop to monitor every site I went to, every search I made. I thought something was wrong when he would ask me about things I didn’t discuss with him but had searched for online. I’ve woken up to find him holding my phone, scrolling through my messages. I’ve told him that this bothers me, that I’m not doing anything wrong, but some respect for personal boundaries is in order. Then he accuses me of hiding things. It leaves me with stomach cramps knowing that even this email itself could trigger a fight because he may be tracking me. I try to weigh the good against the bad, and I’m not unhappy apart from this issue. Can you please tell me if I’m the crazy one here?

Re: Classic Prudie: This is the stuff of Lifetime movies. RUN!

  • Leave now. Your husband is violating your privacy and gaslighting you into thinking you’re wrong. It’s only going to escalate. Again, leave now. 
  • GTFO.

    This isn't a marriage.
  • CharmedPamCharmedPam Chicagoburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t this illegal? 

  • Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t this illegal? 
    I'm not sure.  It seems like it should be, if it is not.

    But I think she should Google this question on the laptop he monitors.  And Google divorce attorney reviews.  And post on any relevant forum she can find about how her H is a monster, doesn't trust her for no reason, and she can't stay in this horrible situation.

    Okay, I am TOTALLY kidding on the last paragraph.  Obviously those are the last things she should do.  But I would encourage her to fantasize about the horrified, stricken look on his face if she did.

    For reals, use domestic abuse helplines and websites...from a computer he can't access, like a friend's or family's...for planning her escape.  Including talking to a divorce lawyer.  I realize he is not physically abusive (or at least she didn't say he was), but he's already a nasty guy and an impending divorce is only going to make that worse.  She needs to make sure important financial documents don't "disappear".  That he doesn't drain their bank accounts.  She should also put a "lock" on her credit file.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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