Wedding Woes

Give the money back.

Dear Prudence,

Several months ago, my best friend gave my partner and me a generous financial gift to help us pay for our wedding. The wedding was later postponed due to the pandemic, and I haven’t even taken the cash out of its envelope. Now we’ve had a falling-out because he and my partner have had a protracted fight and he’s ended their friendship. Though I understand the feelings on both sides, I’m also hurt by the way my friend has been treating my partner. I’ve put our own friendship on pause indefinitely. The idea of using this money makes me sad now. He has no respect for my partner anymore, and he’s moving out of our shared apartment soon. Do I give him back this money? Do I talk to him about it? Leave a note? I don’t know what to do.

—Tainted Cash

Re: Give the money back.

  • cupcait927cupcait927 Western NY wine country member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    The money was for a wedding and the wedding did not happen. You give the money back to your friend. Why is this a question for Prudie?
    short+sassybanana468MissKittyDanger
  • Your wedding isn’t happening and he is no longer a friend. Obvi return the money. 
    short+sassy
  • The money was for a wedding and the wedding did not happen. You give the money back to your friend. Why is this a question for Prudie?
    This.   The fight is what makes this money returned rather than money sat on. 
    charlotte989875cupcait927
  • I am also very confused by this letter.  OF COURSE the LW and their FI need to give the money back!  I'm going to assume they already know that and their focus is more on how to do it without potentially being insulting.

    I would say something like, "Roommate, my FI and I were so grateful for this generous gift.  But, in light of what has happened, we want to return it to you."
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    charlotte989875
  • You should have returned it as soon as you had the falling out. 

    I disagree about giving it back due to postponing; if the wedding is still happening I think it would have been fine to keep it. But not after whatever fight happened. 
    ILoveBeachMusicmrsconn23cupcait927kerbohl
  • cupcait927cupcait927 Western NY wine country member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    You should have returned it as soon as you had the falling out. 

    I disagree about giving it back due to postponing; if the wedding is still happening I think it would have been fine to keep it. But not after whatever fight happened. 
    That's a good point. The wedding could still happen, and most likely will. But yeah, after the fight, the money should've gone straight back to the friend.
    charlotte989875
  • downtondivadowntondiva member
    Sixth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited September 2020
    You should have returned it as soon as you had the falling out. 

    I disagree about giving it back due to postponing; if the wedding is still happening I think it would have been fine to keep it. But not after whatever fight happened. 
    This is how I see it. If it was just a matter of the wedding being rescheduled, I'd say to keep the money for then. But considering the falling out with this friend, I think it's safe to expect that they aren't going to be included in the wedding, whenever it does happen. That's the reason to return the money, not the postponement. 
    image
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