Registry and Gift Forum

Is it ok to ask if a gift was received?

I sent 2 items as a wedding gift off the couple's registry, and they were to be delivered to the address on file.  I typed in a personal note with our full names on the gift enclosure option of the order.   I ordered these in Feb, and I got a few emails from the store saying they were back ordered and I believe they were ultimately delivered in late March.  (Then in April I was invited to a bridal shower which I could not attend, but I mailed a shower gift to one of their relatives for her to take to the shower.  I know the shower gift was received b/c several of my friends who were in attendance told me what a big hit it was, plus I received a thank you note from the bride-to-be specifically naming the items in the shower gift).  But back to the wedding gifts, I do not care about a thank you note but would like to be sure that they received them and that they know they are from us.  I know sometimes things can get misdelivered or stolen off a porch, or sometimes the stores forget to include the gift enclosure card noting who it is from.  The couple is young enough for me to be their mother so it's not like they are peers or close friends that I communicate with, so it would be out of the blue for me to contact them to ask them.  The groom is the son of some of our long time friends, but if I were to ask him or his mom, I am soooo afraid that they will be embarrassed about not sending a thank you note b/c I know both families have impeccable manners.  I feel like it's most likely that it was delivered to the right house, and hopefully the store did note who it was from, but it was a fairly expensive gift and I would love to be sure they really got it and that they know who it is from, and in the alternative I would want to f/u w/the store in the unlikely event that the couple says the gifts were not delivered to them.  But the last thing I want is to embarrass them or do anything that could be considered rude.  Does anyone know the proper etiquitte on this? 

Re: Is it ok to ask if a gift was received?

  • When was the wedding? Assuming spring/ early summer given the timing of the shower. If that’s the case it’s totally fine to follow up now to make sure it was delivered. 
  • edited September 2020
    The wedding was the end of April, but it got changed to a Parents & Siblings Only wedding b/c they were under a 10-person-gathering restriction at the time.  It looks to me like the gifts should have been delivered in late March and they went to the address on file for the registry.   I knew things were crazy for them w/all the uncertainty of whether their big wedding would be allowed to occur due to Covid.  And again, I don't care if they send a thank you note.  But w/all the things you hear about "porch pirates" stealing packages and you also hear of retailers having glitches w/their wedding registry shipments--there is a tiny possibility that the gifts never shipped or were stolen or delivered to wrong address or were sent w/out the gift enclosure card stating who they were from.   I just want to know if the couple received them so I can  f/u w/the store and get the gifts replaced if they were not delivered to the recipients, but I don't want to make them think I am calling them out about a thank you note :) 
  • It is situations like yours that lead me to recommend that couples write those notes the day they receive the gift, especially if it is delivered before the wedding. I told my daughter and SIL to shoot for 5 a day.

     But in your case, it is fine to contact the family friend to ask. To help them save face, you could mention that the tracking was unclear, so you wanted to be sure that the couple had received your gift. If they did, you will probably get a prompt thank you note, even though that isn't your goal. 
  • If you've got their direct contact info - I'd go ahead and contact them to be certain just for the sake of certainty...
  • If I am going to ask, I think maybe I should contact the groom.  I've never met the bride or her parents.  The groom's parents are good friends of ours, but we live 600 miles away so it's not like I would just casually mention it over lunch because I never see her.  And also I doubt the mother of the groom knows what the couple got or from whom.  If my gift had been a really unique item she might be aware of it, but it was from their china they had registered for so once all the china dinnerware comes together on the table, it all looks alike :)  
  • While I realize you are not normally in touch with the groom, I don't think there is anything unusual about following up with him to make sure the gift was received.  PPs have given good examples of a way to phrase it, so it doesn't sound like you are "scolding" him about no thank-you note.  Though I don't think most people would take it that way, anyway.

    I received one wedding gift by mail, a few months before we were getting married.  I made sure to send that ty note out right away.  Mainly because I wanted to make sure they knew it had been received, but also because that was one less note I would have to write after the wedding/honeymoon, lol.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Yes, you can ask if your gift was received. If you express it such as, "I was really hoping you had received it, because I know that mail delivery can be tough at the moment"  or something along those lines, it shouldn't come across as "scolding for the lack of a thank-you note."
  • I totally agree that you should ask. I sent my godson's bride a shower gift (I couldn't attend the shower). I never received a thank you note for that but did receive a thank you for their wedding gift. After I received the wedding thank you, I texted him about the shower gift. The store had not included the note I had requested so they had been wondering who had sent it. My DD also received a gift without a note. It took her a while to track down the sender but she did. So it does happen that stores make mistakes.
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