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Wedding conflicts over spring break..

knottieab4f6a8ea2826405knottieab4f6a8ea2826405 newb
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My boyfriends roommate and good friend is getting married in march. We are all about the same age having went to college together and a good number of our friend group are currently in graduate school. My bf is the co best man and is not in school but three other members of the bridal party are still students along with many guests. I am also still a student but not in the bridal party. 

The wedding was planned for the beginning of march. It just so happens to be right in the middle of the 2 combined weeks of spring break for all those still in school. According to my Bf this was to ensure that people would have time off to come. Personally I thought of it as being inconsiderate and told my boyfriend before knowing the specific date that if it conflicted there was chance I would not make it to the wedding. (I travel independently for spring break every year that I have had a break) (this is my last year before graduation where I will go back to working full time and these opportunities will not come as easily) While I disagree with the planning tactic for date choice, I think people should choose whatever date they prefer and know that people plan things accordingly and sometimes conflicts just happen. In this case, knowing that there are so many of your VIP guests (not myself) that are having to make a choice to attend your wedding over something they may have already considered doing, that feels really tough to me and poor planning to assume that your best friends want to use their time off for your special day. 

At the end of the day, my side of it I got out pretty unscathed since it falls at the beginning for me and essentially still get a travel week. My other friends will not be able to travel the week prior unless for a long weekend only. 
My friends seem to be okay and all is well, but my boyfriend thinks im being unreasonable with even the suggestion that I or anyone would miss the wedding to go on some hypothetical trip that hasn't been planned yet. 
Is this crazy? 
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Re: Wedding conflicts over spring break..

  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
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    knottieab4f6a8ea2826405 said:
    My boyfriends roommate and good friend is getting married in march. We are all about the same age having went to college together and a good number of our friend group are currently in graduate school. My bf is the co best man and is not in school but three other members of the bridal party are still students along with many guests. I am also still a student but not in the bridal party. 

    The wedding was planned for the beginning of march. It just so happens to be right in the middle of the 2 combined weeks of spring break for all those still in school. According to my Bf this was to ensure that people would have time off to come. Personally I thought of it as being inconsiderate and told my boyfriend before knowing the specific date that if it conflicted there was chance I would not make it to the wedding. (I travel independently for spring break every year that I have had a break) (this is my last year before graduation where I will go back to working full time and these opportunities will not come as easily) While I disagree with the planning tactic for date choice, I think people should choose whatever date they prefer and know that people plan things accordingly and sometimes conflicts just happen. In this case, knowing that there are so many of your VIP guests (not myself) that are having to make a choice to attend your wedding over something they may have already considered doing, that feels really tough to me and poor planning to assume that your best friends want to use their time off for your special day. 

    At the end of the day, my side of it I got out pretty unscathed since it falls at the beginning for me and essentially still get a travel week. My other friends will not be able to travel the week prior unless for a long weekend only. 
    My friends seem to be okay and all is well, but my boyfriend thinks im being unreasonable with even the suggestion that I or anyone would miss the wedding to go on some hypothetical trip that hasn't been planned yet. 
    Is this crazy? 
    Yeah I’m with your boyfriend here; if you actually had a trip planned it would make sense that you were disappointed but you don’t. Even if you did they can set a date that works best for them and their families. Spring break seems like a reasonable time because friends won’t have to potentially miss classes or exams in order to attend the wedding. 

    You do know you get paid time off with most jobs and can travel them, right? I get that spring break is a big deal in college but it’s not your last opportunity to travel. And if it is, you make the choice that works for you, and maybe that is skipping the wedding. The couple is in no way obligated to plan around a hypothetical trip when setting a date that works for them. 
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
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    knottieab4f6a8ea2826405 said:
    My boyfriends roommate and good friend is getting married in march. We are all about the same age having went to college together and a good number of our friend group are currently in graduate school. My bf is the co best man and is not in school but three other members of the bridal party are still students along with many guests. I am also still a student but not in the bridal party. 

    The wedding was planned for the beginning of march. It just so happens to be right in the middle of the 2 combined weeks of spring break for all those still in school. According to my Bf this was to ensure that people would have time off to come. Personally I thought of it as being inconsiderate and told my boyfriend before knowing the specific date that if it conflicted there was chance I would not make it to the wedding. (I travel independently for spring break every year that I have had a break) (this is my last year before graduation where I will go back to working full time and these opportunities will not come as easily) While I disagree with the planning tactic for date choice, I think people should choose whatever date they prefer and know that people plan things accordingly and sometimes conflicts just happen. In this case, knowing that there are so many of your VIP guests (not myself) that are having to make a choice to attend your wedding over something they may have already considered doing, that feels really tough to me and poor planning to assume that your best friends want to use their time off for your special day. 

    At the end of the day, my side of it I got out pretty unscathed since it falls at the beginning for me and essentially still get a travel week. My other friends will not be able to travel the week prior unless for a long weekend only. 
    My friends seem to be okay and all is well, but my boyfriend thinks im being unreasonable with even the suggestion that I or anyone would miss the wedding to go on some hypothetical trip that hasn't been planned yet. 
    Is this crazy? 
    You need to sit down and stop trying to create drama. Choosing a wedding date means balancing a lot of calendars, and couples are entitled to choose any date that works for them. Most people do not consider their best man's girlfriend's spring break plans in choosing their wedding date.

    If you are able to make it, great. If you cannot, politely decline. You can keep your opinions on their choice of date to yourself. 
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  • ei34ei34 member
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    I'm not sure how much recreational travel will be happening this spring with Covid still being the risk that it is.  And spoiler alert into adulthood but you can still take vacations, as long as there isn't a pandemic happening.

    The engaged couple should always check potential dates with their VIPs (typically immediate families).  You can go ahead and try to make the date convenient for as many guests as possible, but it doesn't mean everyone will be able to attend.  If you don't think you'll be able to attend you boyfriend's roommate's wedding, or you don't want to attend, just RSVP no. It doesn't have to be a dramatic thing.  I've rsvp'ed no to plenty of weddings.  
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  • knottieab4f6a8ea2826405knottieab4f6a8ea2826405 newb
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    edited October 2020
    Lmao it's not even about my plans. I was absolutely fine declining the wedding. My bf is the one that tried to make it a big deal with our friends in regards to me declining when I think its absolutely my right to decide what I do with my time.

    We've discussed it and resolved but I still think its wrong as a bride and groom to assume that your made of honor, your best man, and a bridesmaid want to make that same choice. 

    I am traveling regardless of covid by March. I have credited tickets that will expire and I will lose out if I don't use them. I'm a dual citizen so I legally allowed to do that with testing. I visit my family that same week every year. I do get paid time off other times, but it is very limited. 
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  • ei34ei34 member
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    knottieab4f6a8ea2826405 said:
    Lmao it's not even about my plans. I was absolutely fine declining the wedding. My bf is the one that tried to make it a big deal with our friends in regards to me declining when I think its absolutely my right to decide what I do with my time.

    We've discussed it and resolved but I still think its wrong as a bride and groom to assume that your made of honor, your best man, and a bridesmaid want to make that same choice. 

    I am traveling regardless of covid by March. I have credited tickets that will expire and I will lose out if I don't use them. I'm a dual citizen so I legally allowed to do that with testing. I visit my family that same week every year. 

    To the bold- you're correct.  Tell your boyfriend that people decline weddings all the time.
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  • MissKittyDangerMissKittyDanger member
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    knottieab4f6a8ea2826405 said:
    Lmao it's not even about my plans. I was absolutely fine declining the wedding. My bf is the one that tried to make it a big deal with our friends in regards to me declining when I think its absolutely my right to decide what I do with my time.

    We've discussed it and resolved but I still think its wrong as a bride and groom to assume that your made of honor, your best man, and a bridesmaid want to make that same choice. 

    I am traveling regardless of covid by March. I have credited tickets that will expire and I will lose out if I don't use them. I'm a dual citizen so I legally allowed to do that with testing. I visit my family that same week every year. 

    Legal or not, it may not be safe.
    Family member I know is unable to safely travel across country because of it. Same country.
    People are unable to attend weddings and funerals IN THE SAME CITY

    But sure, you can think you're above this because you're a dual citizen ....
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  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
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    knottieab4f6a8ea2826405 said:
    Lmao it's not even about my plans. I was absolutely fine declining the wedding. My bf is the one that tried to make it a big deal with our friends in regards to me declining when I think its absolutely my right to decide what I do with my time.

    We've discussed it and resolved but I still think its wrong as a bride and groom to assume that your made of honor, your best man, and a bridesmaid want to make that same choice. 

    I am traveling regardless of covid by March. I have credited tickets that will expire and I will lose out if I don't use them. I'm a dual citizen so I legally allowed to do that with testing. I visit my family that same week every year. 

    So you want the bride & groom to consider your feelings about potential spring break trips when you’re not at all considering the health and safety of people you come into contact with by flouting travel restrictions and guidelines regarding a global pandemic? 

    You are what is wrong with people in this country. 
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  • banana468banana468 member
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    knottieab4f6a8ea2826405 said:
    Lmao it's not even about my plans. I was absolutely fine declining the wedding. My bf is the one that tried to make it a big deal with our friends in regards to me declining when I think its absolutely my right to decide what I do with my time.

    We've discussed it and resolved but I still think its wrong as a bride and groom to assume that your made of honor, your best man, and a bridesmaid want to make that same choice. 

    I am traveling regardless of covid by March. I have credited tickets that will expire and I will lose out if I don't use them. I'm a dual citizen so I legally allowed to do that with testing. I visit my family that same week every year. 

    I don't get it though.   Any WP member needs to pick and choose whether or not to be in the wedding and attend over another event.   That's how all of that works.   Invitations are not a summons and if they didn't check with you before they set the date then that's how that works.    

    They are giving people 6 months time at least to decide whether or not they can make it and if they can't they won' be there.  

    If you have tickets that expire so you won't attend then you won't be going and none of this matters.     You may be a dual citizen but for someone who wants to talk about "thinking of others" I certainly hope you're going to be taking all appropriate precautions, before, during and after that travel that you "have" to do. 
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  • knottieab4f6a8ea2826405knottieab4f6a8ea2826405 newb
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    people are traveling right now. I am not. I haven't left my home since I returned from the same trip last march. So yeah tell me again how I am being unreasonable with my life. 
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  • MissKittyDangerMissKittyDanger member
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    knottieab4f6a8ea2826405 said:
    people are traveling right now. I am not. I haven't left my home since I returned from the same trip last march. So yeah tell me again how I am being unreasonable with my life. 
    you LITERALLY JUST SAID that you were traveling regardless.

    No one said anything about before what you did.

    Traveling during a pandemic REGARDLESS OF WHAT YOU DID BEFORE is unreasonable.

    Like I said before, people cannot attend weddings and funerals in the same city because of this.
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  • banana468banana468 member
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    knottieab4f6a8ea2826405 said:
    people are traveling right now. I am not. I haven't left my home since I returned from the same trip last march. So yeah tell me again how I am being unreasonable with my life. 
    You haven't had a routine medical appointment or left for food in 6 months? 
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    Why is this your problem? 
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  • maine7mobmaine7mob member
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    To clarify: some friends of yours are getting married. To make it possible for their student friends to attend, they planned their wedding during spring break. This displeases you. When do you think they should have their wedding? When the majority of their wedding party is in school?

    You should politely decline because of your longstanding travel habits. Problem solved.
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  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic member
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    So you've already declined and your bf keeps bringing it up? You need to have a conversation with him about shutting up. He shouldn't be talking about it with his friends and bad mouthing your decision. You have every right to decline a wedding invitation. The couple has every right to have a wedding when they want to have it. 

    I do agree with others that traveling in March - especially internationally might not be a great idea. That being said I understand wanting to plan something "normal". We have a trip planned for Italy next summer (was postponed from this summer), but we also know we may have to cancel. 
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  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
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    Here's a head's up about the world outside of the school environment - you have this thing called "Vacation time" that you can use to take trips wherever you want in the world, some people even take a whole month off once a year on a schedule during the "slow season" to do so, others because they're able to "work from home" go on adventures and put their work time in from a hotel cabana with a non-alcoholic fruity drink that has an umbrella in it while in Vegas.  Just because you'll no longer be in school, doesn't mean your opportunities to travel and experience the world are done, if anything, they may be expanded! (Some of us even chose professions that we get paid to travel!)  If anything, because you'll be working, and saving up money, you'll be able to take even better and more enjoyable trips.  

    Their wedding is their wedding, if you don't want to go because you'll be hiking to the top of Squaw Peak in Arizona at that point in your trip - that's o.k. their wedding will happen whether you're there or not, you aren't a Parent, Grandparent, or otherwise VIP to their wedding day.  If you're lucky enough to be invited, you just check "Unable to attend" on the RSVP and send them a small gift from their registry.  There will be other times in your life that you won't be able to attend someone's wedding you know, and probably someone even closer to you, it's o.k. to RSVP unable to attend, and it happens!
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  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic member
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    mrsconn23 said:
    banana468 said:
    Yeah, my dad was hospitalized and then in rehabilitation facilities for a total of 6 weeks this year.  My mom had to drop my father off at the door of the hospital and wasn't allowed to walk in with her husband of 43 years WHILE HE WAS HAVING A STROKE and could only check on him via phone.  He could not remember his own phone number and she couldn't even bring him underwear.  

    A dear friend went out for a run two months ago and his heart STOPPED.  He was rushed to the hospital and admitted with Covid and his wife had to call around holding his phone asking if maybe her husband was the patient that was admitted there and COULD NOT SEE HIM.  

    But please, tell me about wedding plans being inconsiderate and your need to travel because it's just what you do every year that week. 
    YUP.  And, we'll not talk about how my mom was so afraid of COVID because she already had terminal cancer, that I (or my sisters, our husbands, and kids) did not spend any significant time with her and could barely talk on the phone or video chat with her because she was so sick for about 6 weeks.  By the time we were able to be with her, she could not get out of bed and we were care taking alongside our dad.  And we still haven't had a proper memorial for her and the small funeral (that we had to tell people they could not attend) we did have for her was pure torture because we could not be comforted in person by the people who love us the most. (I'm having a terrible grief day today)
    Hugs to you mrsconn. I can't even imagine how hard not having that support would be. My best friend had the same with her father. You are entitled to as many terrible grief days as necessary.
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  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
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    banana468 said:
    So many hugs to you @mrsconn23.   A cousin in-law expressed a similar sentiment this week and my heart goes out to both of you.  She's having a C-Section for her 5th child this week and her mom passed rather unexpectedly last week.  It's so hard to lose anyone and the inability to see those you love and hug them feels so isolating.  I'm sorry. 
    Thanks. And I cannot imagine having a baby without my mom around.  Your poor cousin.  T+P's for her. 

    My dad seemed a little sad yesterday and there's a couple other things over the weekend that came up, so I think all of that and that I've just been having a ton of anxiety lately has me feeling the weight today. 
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  • flantasticflantastic member
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    OP, I think maybe your BF keeps bringing it up because he'd like to attend the wedding with you instead of you taking your usual "independent" trip. Whether or not you should be traveling is a different matter.

    @mrsconn23 I'm really sorry. COVID and bad grief days suck.
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  • banana468banana468 member
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    flantastic said:
    OP, I think maybe your BF keeps bringing it up because he'd like to attend the wedding with you instead of you taking your usual "independent" trip. Whether or not you should be traveling is a different matter.

    @mrsconn23 I'm really sorry. COVID and bad grief days suck.
    This may also be the case too.  And if the BF wants to go with you and OP you have vacation time then why not use it at a different time?  Do you have to use your vouchers by that point?  I think a lot of airlines have been flexible.
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  • STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
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    Omg the drama. Stop fretting about everyone else. If you’re still dating boyfriend inMarch, and it’s safe to have a wedding, and it’s safe to travel, all you need to do is decide to go or not. Other people do not need you to worry about them. Just stop. 
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