Hi! My name is Jordan. I am a Marine Wife. My husband and I have a very unique story,and the struggle is so real trying to settle on a song for our first dance song. We chose "You Are The Reason" by Callum Scott for my to walk to and "I Wouldn't Have Nothing" from Monster's Inc. for the processional. We cannot find just the right song for the first dance, I was hoping by telling our story that someone out there would hear it and would have the perfect answer. We are not entirely opposed to Christian music. (PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SKIM TO GET THE IDEA OF OUR STORY)
I was engaged to my high school sweetheart. I spent six years with him. I was diagnosed at 19 with Endometriosis, a disease that wreaks havoc on a woman's body. The most common problems are painful periods, painful intercourse, depression, and cramping, but the list goes on. I had hundreds of appointments, multiple surgeries, and appointments, all of which he never attended. I experienced much manipulation with this man; the least you can do is let me take care of myself," if you get where I am going with that. I paid for every bill, every meal, every grocery, and this man never took me on a date on this own dollar. I have had to file for bankruptcy due to the amount a credit card debt and loans I was left with. All because I felt no one would love me because of the endometriosis. Due to a tragedy in his family, I was able to find my chance of "If I do not cut it now,I never will." I began collecting my thoughts, crying over my chicken fajitas,a Chili's with my parents. I called him and told him he needed to stay out of state with his family because they needed him,and I did not want him to come back. I packed his stuff and told him to come get it. I experienced guilt because of the family tragedy, but I cried for one hour and that was it. Obviously, dating was the furthest thing from my mind because of my illness. I also just wanted to focus on school and actually having a social life. In December 2018, at 23 I had a partial hysterectomy with no children leaving one ovary (which I will likely be having removed soon). By the end of January 2019, I was like a whole new person socially. I was able to enjoy life and had confidence in myself. I started online dating. I told myself I never would but I am a bit of a goofy person and the places I went did not make it easy for me to meet someone, especially that would not be a conflict of interest. The first message I actually received from anyone on dating app I still have to this day and it was the most baffling and hilarious thing I ever read. I saw a lot of adult babies, couples seeking a third, and just downright jokes. I set up a couple of dates and would get ghosted, I was stood up and left at the restaurant (that was depressing). I eventually just stopped trying. I started swiping only on Sundays and then would talk to the matches through the week to see who lasted. One of my best guy friends bet me to message every single match first and it'll work eventually, which I was not opposed to but normally I only sent an emoji as a first message, he wanted words haha. He also told me to swipe on all and delete the uglies, which I hated that, but I would just delete the people who were rude or did not communicate (looks aren't all that mattered to me.) On Sunday, April 7th I was drunk swiping while catching up on This Is Us. I get a match. The match breaks a lot of the rules I set for myself. No one under the age of 22. No one in the military (I am a Navy brat, was not trying to sign up for that life again, especially Marines because the Marine Navy giving each other beef). No one out of state (long distance is fun for no one). No one with memes on their profile. His picture was him in uniform in front of the helicopters he works on, 21, a meme of Dr. Phil (which was actually pretty funny), and he was 109 miles, from where I was there was no doubt that was out of state. Part of his bio said he was a really nice guy, therefore my noble award-winning first message to him was "so are you actually a nice guy" with a tongue-out emoji. We chatted non-stop from that moment on. On Wednesday night we decided to video chat and he noticed a photo from the day of my hysterectomy on Instagram, he asked why I had surgery. Unfortunately., most guys I explained it to were like "oh cool so you can get pregnant if I rawdog you," but this was the first time I got the response he gave me. It looked as if he was going to cry and he was telling me how he knew how much it hurt a woman to not be able to have children but provided so much reassurance like "I am sure there's a reason" and "It will all work out for you to be a mom." I kid you not this is the moment I knew he was the one. Two days later, that Friday, as I was house sitting, he tells me he was being made to get out of his barracks room (which I figured was bs, but I went with it). I texted the person I was house-sitting for and she told me just no parties haha. I swear my heart sank to my butt. He asked for coordinates, so since he works on helicopters I decided to be a smartypants and send him the actual ones haha. Once he was on his way for his 3-hour drive (crazy right!?) We spent the whole weekend together and it was like I knew him my whole life from the moment he walked in the door. He met my parents that Saturday (HE MET MY PARENTS THE SECOND DAY). They presented him with his own box of crayons (which if you know anything about Marine jokes you will get it). I was terrified because of my ex, I never thought my parents would be happy with anyone ever. Now he is the son my dad never had and sometimes I think my mom loves him more than she loves me. After meeting my parents we went to my apartment which was just a detachment from my parents house. (TMI, but relevant) We ended up doing what adults do (wink wink, nudge nudge). He was the third person I had ever been with and the first since my ex-fiance. I had no idea what I was going to experience because of the hysterectomy. It was embarrassing on so many levels, but I do not think he could have approached it any more perfectly. I basically experienced a flashback, panic attack, and almost had like PTSD induced pain. I had sooooo much pressure on my stomach. I got up, walked to the toilet, and just sat there and cried. Instead of him being like wtf, he brought me a bottle of water, warm washcloth, and sat on the edge of the tub comforting me until I was calm enough to ask where to find everything else. He left on Monday morning at 4 to drive three hours and then have a 24-hour duty! That's insane right!? When I tell you I blubbered when I was telling him bye, I am not joking. I had a million feelings, but the biggest being fear of him ghosting me once he got home. The day he did formally ask me to be his girlfriend. From that point on he came to see me every weekend. The next weekend he came spent Friday night with me, but when with his family Saturday night for Easter he kept messaging me about how much he wanted to be with me. You could tell how relieved he was the second he got back to my apartment to spend the rest of his long weekend with me (It's relevant don't worry). Every single weekend, he was there. My parents told me over and over how much our relationship resembled theirs. My friends were quick to open arms to him (which again was not expected). My co-workers quickly began taking bets on marriage. We took our first vacation for July 4th. He took leave, so with the long weekend, he spent a total of two weeks with me. The separation anxiety we both experienced after this was crazy. By the end of July, I had made the decision to start looking for a job near him. We were going to rent an apartment (which didn't force me to stay if it did not work out). My family has always been firm on you have to learn to live together before you get married which is so true! I was able to get a job very quickly, paying exactly what I needed. We found the most amazing apartment and when I explained my bankruptcy the company waived the security deposit. Everything was falling into place. I had family close by which allowed me to start work a bit earlier to build up some savings, or so I thought. I arrived to work on Wednesday of my second week and I am approached by a gentleman telling me I need to go to the conference room. I find out that the entire department is dissolved! A choice by corporate or I would have never been hired. I can not describe the panic. With my severance paperwork, I was given an Indeed posting for a job that was the dream entry-level position for me. I had not had a chance to put my bachelor's degree to work. I got the job! On my third day, I had to make the decision to evacuate due to the incoming hurricane. We decided to go to my parent's house three hours away. The day after the storms passed where my parents live (when it was hitting where we evacuated from), he decided to ride his motorcycle to where his family lives, which he did almost every weekend anyway, so this was not a rare thing. He drove to a gym nearby but had to leave because it was closed. On his way back, a young girl in her car pulled out in front of him while he was driving 60 miles per hour. She provided the reasoning that she was trying to get out quickly so she did not have to ride behind him. You ever get a phone call and you have a gut feeling before you answer it that it is going to be bad? That is what I experienced when his mom called and said he was in an accident. My mom rushed me to the hospital with my dad following behind, we made a 45-minute drive in times that we should get a trophy for. Once we parked I called his mom and I could hear him screaming in the background (I can still hear it to this day). I told her I was there and she told me where they were and once I started asking questions she said I need to be with my son and hung up on me. So obviously I ran as anyone would. I had no clue what injuries he had, I did not know what happened, I was absolutely clueless. I did not know if that was going to be the end, I had no idea. Although, he went into the OR before I could see him. There was a lot of tension because it is a divorced family coming together because of a tragedy. The biggest damages being a compound fracture in his femur, broken wrist, a hairline fracture in his neck, debris that completely shredded the front of his neck, TBI, and he depleted his blood volume 1 1/2 times in the first 24 hours. I was by his side from day one. The only time I left the hospital was to shower until he had a room with a shower or to run to the store. He only asked for me and his dad, which in my brain makes complete sense for a 21-year-old man. Unfortunately, this is where things get interesting. This was not acceptable to his mother or her mother.
A couple of examples: A couple of days after his accident, he kept asking for my dad (no one knows why), but my dad made the drive to be there as soon as he could to be there. My dad and I were on either side of the bed and his mom was in the back of the room. He kept pointing at her and doing the "shew" hand like one would a fly. I asked if he wanted us to leave and he shook his head no and pointed at her again and shewed again. I said do you want her to leave and he shook yes, then I said do you want dad to leave he shook no, and then I said do you want me to leave and he shook no. This was followed by a statement from her of "Could you not say that I am his mother and I have a right to be here if I want to be here." She goes out of the room to talk to her friends sitting on a bench right outside the door and says "She best stop mothering my child." Little did she know my mom was a few seats down.
He was throwing up, I had to hold the vomit bag for him and I just rubbed his head to comfort him. She and one of her nurse friends begin to tell me that I need to make him hold the bag himself or he will rely on me to do everything for him forever and they have seen people way worse off hold the bag themselves. He had a plastic neck brace tight against his chin but was open at the throat area for all the exposed torn up skin to breath. The initial injury caused blurred vision (obviously he hit a car at 60 miles per hour). He was unable to get the bag wedged between his chin and brace fast enough, therefore it all went into those open scars... So you're telling me just let him get an infection? absolutely not.
At one point his grandmother showed up to see him and asked me to leave the room, I said absolutely no problem that is your right. A nurse goes in and has her step out. I ask if she would like my seat because it was the only one and this woman verbally attacks me in ways I have never experienced. She accuses me of isolating him from his family (even though he has expressed to everyone his wishes), tells me I should be holding his phone and wallet (even though he gave them to me because he said he did not trust anyone else with it). Then when the nurse comes back out she rushes in and closes and blocks me out. All of my stuff was in that room, I was in my PJ's and Socks. The only thing I had on me was my phone in a city I was unfamiliar with.
We decided to get legally married last December because he wanted to wait until he fully relearned to walk to have a ceremony and his grandmother texted him stating he might as well have shot his mother. (We did not have anyone with us, no one knew, not my parents, not his dad, and stepmom so this was crazy to us)
I'll spare you the other cringy stories but clearly, his mother's side completely flipped on me. Until the hospital, they treated me as if I was already their daughter in law. It was like a flip of a switch. Honestly, you could make a movie just about that. When it came time for him to leave the rehabilitation facility he decided he was more comfortable being at my apartment because it was much larger for his wheelchair, he had more privacy, and he had a chance to be independent. His mother tried to make the caseworker at the facility force him to go to her home. THAT IS NUTS, RIGHT?!?
The first time he decided to make a long drive we went to get all of his stuff from his barracks room. On our way home, we passed a woman running over a gentleman on his motorcycle. He saw every second of it and slammed on his brakes and I ran to help, although there was not much I could do. I remember him explaining how things happened at his accident so I went over those steps out loud and everyone worked together with that. I started collecting his wallet contents and lost it once I picked up something that gave the clear indication he had kids/grandkids. I just went and just to keep giving positive words out loud because I could only imagine the last thing you hear is people being frantic so I just kept saying it is okay everyone is taking care of you. I kept seeing flashes of my husband laying in front of me. I refused to walk away until I knew what hospital he was going to. Then, the moment when everyone dropped their heads. I felt so attached to this man I had never met. I knew I had to find a way to give his family answers I knew they were not going to get from law enforcement. I found his daughter on Facebook, we are still friends on there to this day.
In February 2020, we were able to finally move back to base. Then COVID, but we have made the best of it. In June, we booked our wedding with Carnival Cruise Lines out of Charleston, SC. Early two weeks ago we were told the president gave the cruise industry the thumbs up to reopen. It was a sigh of relief... The next morning we wake up to find that the Carnival CEO elected to cancel through 2021. In two weeks, we went from a ceremony of 25 people and a dinner in place of reception in Charleston with a honeymoon cruise following to a whole new city a ceremony and reception with 75+ people, a well known FoodNetwork restaurant for catering, a photographer who used to shoot for Disney, Open bar, Limo, Penthouse, and we are visiting family in Orlando for Christmas for a few days and this will be sort of a "make up" honeymoon at Disney until we can have our big honeymoon.
We are an incredibly goofy couple, but we are also the perfect example of having your spouse as your best friend. We always say that we were put into each other's lives because we needed each other.
I am so sorry this is so long-winded, but if you made it this far you deserve an award or something.I hope you can help!!