Sounds like BF needs to get his own J.O.B.

banana468

charlotte989875 said:

I think there’s a lot of judgement in a lot of responses here toward people who aren’t working. It’s a recession, new unemployment claims are still being filed weekly, & new job creation is basically zero. So maybe we could chill with the assumptions about people who are out of work now. 

I know it’s just a Prudie letter but I’m surprised to see so many responses from people who are generally pretty open minded acting like being unemployed is inferior. Has anyone here actually had to try looking for work these days? 

That's what I am seeing. 

Even IN an industry that can't keep up with demand it's a PITA to interview and hire now.  

So if the complaint is that the BF is out of work and NOT looking for work and also not doing anything but making indents in a couch, then write THAT as the letter.

But if you had active work and now you aren't getting jobs and the closest person to you is acting like your mom and telling you that "it's time to face the day" and all you wanted was a bit more sleep it's just not working.

And I say this married to the spouse that can easily sleep longer and who sleeps poorly but I don't sense it.   As it is I try to get the alarm as soon as I can (I'm up first) and then get out of bed quickly because he's actively said, "I wake up to your alarm.   Can you turn it down?"  

So guess what I did - I turned it down and tried to move out of bed faster in the morning to not disturb him! 

Casadena

charlotte989875 said:

I think there’s a lot of judgement in a lot of responses here toward people who aren’t working. It’s a recession, new unemployment claims are still being filed weekly, & new job creation is basically zero. So maybe we could chill with the assumptions about people who are out of work now. 

I know it’s just a Prudie letter but I’m surprised to see so many responses from people who are generally pretty open minded acting like being unemployed is inferior. Has anyone here actually had to try looking for work these days? 

I agree - my answers would be the same whether he has a job or not.  

I definitely read like he was chronically unemployed not unemployed as a result of the pandemic but he's searching and it happens to be in a pandemic.   

I also am curious what it means to be employed as a writer - I maybe naively assumed when you are writing you dont' make money until you sell to publishers?  Is there a "retainer" or something of some kind?  Is BF working on a book or something?  No snark here at all, i truly don't know!  

ei34

I think most couples have different sleep patterns and needs, and have to work together and compromise as far as wake up time/morning routines.  

I can relate a bit to the BF as far as the whole “once I’m up, I’m up”.  An alarm going off for 30 minutes would absolutely have me up for the day, no matter how soft and peaceful the music.  I also sympathize with LW, I’d roll my eyes a bit at someone claiming they’re not well-rested while I had their workload.  I worked two jobs (one full-time) through grad school, it was a lot.  And I can relate to neither since my “biological clock” doesn’t let me sleep past 6am on weekends.  Probably bc 
I’m up at 5 Mon-Fri...

levioosa

charlotte989875 said:

I think there’s a lot of judgement in a lot of responses here toward people who aren’t working. It’s a recession, new unemployment claims are still being filed weekly, & new job creation is basically zero. So maybe we could chill with the assumptions about people who are out of work now. 

I know it’s just a Prudie letter but I’m surprised to see so many responses from people who are generally pretty open minded acting like being unemployed is inferior. Has anyone here actually had to try looking for work these days? 

I think it really depends on the person. I struggled to find work for about a year, so I’ve lived this letter as the unemployed partner. I was also full time in school though so not quite the same. However I was always cooking and taking care of house stuff since FI was always working late. Now that I work full time and work far from home, FI does a lot of clean up and house chores. If the partner is contributing in some way, that’s what matters. But if the partner is just lounging around on Netflix all day, claiming they’re just too tired to help or even to write or work (I once lived with a married couple and the husband 100% did that, except it was playing video games instead of Netflix) then yes, I would be pissed. 

MissKittyDanger

charlotte989875 said:

I think there’s a lot of judgement in a lot of responses here toward people who aren’t working. It’s a recession, new unemployment claims are still being filed weekly, & new job creation is basically zero. So maybe we could chill with the assumptions about people who are out of work now. 

I know it’s just a Prudie letter but I’m surprised to see so many responses from people who are generally pretty open minded acting like being unemployed is inferior. Has anyone here actually had to try looking for work these days? 

I see what you mean, but also it doesn't state that this is new though. This could have been BF's way of living prior and just hasn't adjusted to living with someone.

Moment I wish LW had said if BF was working prior and this is a new habit or not

charlotte989875

I guess I read “currently unemployed as he struggles to find work during the pandemic” as a new thing, not a historical thing. 

But even if he is chronically unemployed do we really need to say he’s a free loader? 

Maybe I’m way more sensitive to this right now because of H’s situation but I’m really surprised to see people here toss around words like this, in general. 

charlotte989875

Casadena said:

charlotte989875 said:

I think there’s a lot of judgement in a lot of responses here toward people who aren’t working. It’s a recession, new unemployment claims are still being filed weekly, & new job creation is basically zero. So maybe we could chill with the assumptions about people who are out of work now. 

I know it’s just a Prudie letter but I’m surprised to see so many responses from people who are generally pretty open minded acting like being unemployed is inferior. Has anyone here actually had to try looking for work these days? 

I agree - my answers would be the same whether he has a job or not.  

I definitely read like he was chronically unemployed not unemployed as a result of the pandemic but he's searching and it happens to be in a pandemic.   

I also am curious what it means to be employed as a writer - I maybe naively assumed when you are writing you dont' make money until you sell to publishers?  Is there a "retainer" or something of some kind?  Is BF working on a book or something?  No snark here at all, i truly don't know!  

He could have been a staff writer somewhere an laid off, or had a contract for a specific number or articles or a series that was cancelled or not renewed, or couldn’t find a new one. It’s definitely possible to be a writer and have a steady income but it’s hard to find. 

MyNameIsNot

Casadena said:

charlotte989875 said:

I think there’s a lot of judgement in a lot of responses here toward people who aren’t working. It’s a recession, new unemployment claims are still being filed weekly, & new job creation is basically zero. So maybe we could chill with the assumptions about people who are out of work now. 

I know it’s just a Prudie letter but I’m surprised to see so many responses from people who are generally pretty open minded acting like being unemployed is inferior. Has anyone here actually had to try looking for work these days? 

I agree - my answers would be the same whether he has a job or not.  

I definitely read like he was chronically unemployed not unemployed as a result of the pandemic but he's searching and it happens to be in a pandemic.   

I also am curious what it means to be employed as a writer - I maybe naively assumed when you are writing you dont' make money until you sell to publishers?  Is there a "retainer" or something of some kind?  Is BF working on a book or something?  No snark here at all, i truly don't know!  

I think a lot of it depends on what kind of writer. I know magazines and websites employ staff writers, but maybe that's considered more a journalist? Also, shows and movies hire writers. I think book publishers have staff writers that ghost write stuff. e.g. The Babysitters Club novels were written by a bunch of different people. 

But yeah, if you're trying to write a novel I think you have to write at least some of it first and then get a publisher to buy it. Unless you're famous. 

short+sassy

charlotte989875 said:

I guess I read “currently unemployed as he struggles to find work during the pandemic” as a new thing, not a historical thing. 

But even if he is chronically unemployed do we really need to say he’s a free loader? 

Maybe I’m way more sensitive to this right now because of H’s situation but I’m really surprised to see people here toss around words like this, in general.

SIB
The impression I got from the letter is that he doesn't do much of anything all day and has tons of free time.  While the LW is busting their ass at two jobs and school.  So it just sounded especially appalling to me that this guy is trying to control her waking up routine.

But maybe (maybe) the being unemployed part isn't fair.  I also had the impression it might be a long term problem he has.  However, I realize that is A LOT of my own personal experience that most people I have met in life who have been unemployed for a good length of time.  They have usually been perpetually unemployed because they don't do any/much job searching or only apply for jobs that meet their high standards and that they are unqualified for or unlikely to get.

Warning: I know this is totally unfair and not really anything that it says in the letter and to an extent I am over-exaggerating my vision for humor...

But I am totally picturing him as some layabout who is SO stressed about the 30 minutes a day he spends writing the Great American Novel that is going to be his gift to the world.  And the alarm clock...that incessant alarm clock (back of hand to forehead)...instills his writer's block, so he is simply not capable of doing anything else the rest of the day.  And, oh my dears, he is far too creative and special to do anything as demeaning as delivering pizzas.

banana468

@short+sassy I agree if he's the type where "the snooze button is hindering my craft!" then he's a jerk.

But as someone who is married to a dude who needs me to move because he's not easily sleeping and also as someone who was told "You slept enough"  i found a lot of the commenting annoying.

kerbohl

I've trained my body to wake up at the slight "whirl" sound my alarm makes five seconds before it goes off.  My husband has never woken up to it.  He, meanwhile, makes sure that if he is up first that his clothes are in a different room so he spends as little time as possible disturbing me.  I think both LW and BF need to learn to accomodate each other, whatever that looks like.  Maybe BF goes to bed a bit earlier and LW doesn't hit snooze more than once.  There is a way around it somewhere!

downtondiva

I completely understand LW's need to ease into waking up, as I'm the same way, but I think they're being way too judgmental about their boyfriend's need for a certain amount of sleep. There has to be some way around this - plenty of couples have differing sleep habits and needs.

That being said, I think there's a lot of irritation about boyfriend's situation that they aren't saying outright, which may be the real issue here. Is he unemployed much of the time, even when things are more normal? How much effort is he putting into finding a job now? Once he's out of bed, does he help out around the house, or does that all fall to LW as well? Sorry for the armchair psychology, but I can't help thinking that LW is pissed at boyfriend over more than just the sleep, but the sleep issue is the easiest thing to latch on to and be mad about.