Your friends (and co-workers) suck.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

At 21, I am still on my learners’ permit, which I got when I was 17. I don’t drive at all now, because I have a developmental coordination disorder that severely impairs my motor skills and spatial awareness. After months of practice and very patient teachers, I decided I shouldn’t drive for my safety and for the safety of others. Now I take the bus, which is mostly great. It’s better for the environment and saves money. But my town is small, public transport is generally outdated (although it works well enough for my needs), and it seems like everyone else in my community drives. I’m one of the few students who uses public transport. I have a finance internship, where even fewer people take the bus, and my co-workers have laughed about the fact that I don’t drive. They (along with friends) often pressure me about when I’ll get my license or why I haven’t. I’m always early for work, and I know I don’t inconvenience others by taking the bus, so I don’t get why they push it so much.

I don’t tend to tell people I have dyspraxia either. I did tell a few close friends about it but was discouraged by their reaction, and they thought I was using it as an excuse not to drive. Usually I just say I find it cheaper and better for the environment, but this only tends to satisfy people’s questions for so long. How should I respond in the future? Is there a better way than how I’m doing it now?

—Off the Road

CharmedPam

Jeez.  You don’t live in Chicago, do you, LW? You’d get that reaction IF you drove! 

charlotte989875

You’re doing all you need to; you gave them a valid reason and you owe them nothing else. If they continue ask them why it matters?

MissKittyDanger

As a non-driver, I feel for LW
"I'm choosing not to drive" is all LW should say, even though they don't owe anyone a thing.

What LW should say is to their coworkers and friends about the disrespect they are getting and it needs to end.

kerbohl

Are people really this judgey?  Yikes!  I like LW's response - she finds it cheaper and better for the environment.  When I had to drive to work, I used to research if there were any ANY ways that I could take public transportation, and would have loved to never drive my car.  I ended up carpooling which meant driving half the time, but no one mocked me or my carpooling coworker for it.  So weird!  Public transportation has a lot of cons, but so many pros.  

short+sassy

CharmedPam said:

Jeez.  You don’t live in Chicago, do you, LW? You’d get that reaction IF you drove! 

SIB:
Back in '97, I had just graduated from college.  Me and a high school friend who was in his last year at University of Illinois (Champaign-Urbana) decided to go on a one-month road trip around some of the US.  I flew into Chicago and we spent some time there.

We went out to dinner with his college friend how had graduated the year before.  She was living in those "corn cob" buildings along the river.  She didn't have a car but, in our conversation, she told me how much it was for a parking spot in her building.  I think it was something like $400/month.  It wasn't much less than my half of the 2-bedroom rent I'd just been paying.  In Southern CA!  (KIM, 23 years ago)

CA is such a car culture because everything is so spread out.  That was my first time in a big city that was built UP, instead of out.  But, toodling around, I could definitely see why a car would be more of a liability than an asset for people who lived and worked in the downtown and surrounding areas.

short+sassy

I think the LW should take this opportunity to impress people with what they have learned

They mention they are in a finance internship.  I assume that is also their major.  They should figure out their monthly savings from not paying a car note and insurance (minus the bus fares).  And how much they will have saved for their retirement...putting that same money into bonds or safe mutual funds instead...50 years from now, from not owning a car.

I already did the math for them.  I assumed a $400/month savings.  At 5% interest, which is way too low (long term) for mutual funds, but I want to be conservative for the LW, lol.  

If they put away $4800/year for the next 50 years.  At the age of 61, they will be a hair over $1M.  With $769,000 coming just from interest.

Or the short answer for the LW, "Because it helps the environment and I'll amass over one million dollars for my retirement, just by not owning a car."

levioosa

I have a friend who is in her thirties, has never driven (other than the one nearly disastrous, but hilarious time I tried to teach her) and who has never gotten her license. Every once in awhile I ask her if she’s going to get it, but I never pressure her. She takes public transit everywhere. We had our zoom call the other day and she mentioned she was getting stir crazy with no where to go from her house within walking distance. I asked her if she was revisiting the idea of a license as it would open up options for getting out and exploring (our public transit sucks and now is not an ideal time for staying on it longer than absolutely necessary). She said she’s still trying to hold out and I was supportive and moved onto asking about her favorite walking loops. I’m very much an explorer and I like my privacy and independence, so not having a car in Southern California is crazy to me. But it would also take me three hours by bus to get to work so my views are definitely skewed by that. When I went to school in London I loved the underground transit and I would have never needed a car and I didn’t bat an eyelash at my friends who said they had never driven and didn’t have a license. 

MissKittyDanger

short+sassy said:

I think the LW should take this opportunity to impress people with what they have learned

They mention they are in a finance internship.  I assume that is also their major.  They should figure out their monthly savings from not paying a car note and insurance (minus the bus fares).  And how much they will have saved for their retirement...putting that same money into bonds or safe mutual funds instead...50 years from now, from not owning a car.

I already did the math for them.  I assumed a $400/month savings.  At 5% interest, which is way too low (long term) for mutual funds, but I want to be conservative for the LW, lol.  

If they put away $4800/year for the next 50 years.  At the age of 61, they will be a hair over $1M.  With $769,000 coming just from interest.

Or the short answer for the LW, "Because it helps the environment and I'll amass over one million dollars for my retirement, just by not owning a car."

bolded - depends on the area. Where I live, it doesn't make a huge difference between car payment and gas vs bus pass. {not including insurance and maintenance}
If I lived or worked in a more city area, probably yes. Downtown has terrible traffic, so if I worked there I would not want to pay parking.

kerbohl

MissKittyDanger said:

short+sassy said:

I think the LW should take this opportunity to impress people with what they have learned

They mention they are in a finance internship.  I assume that is also their major.  They should figure out their monthly savings from not paying a car note and insurance (minus the bus fares).  And how much they will have saved for their retirement...putting that same money into bonds or safe mutual funds instead...50 years from now, from not owning a car.

I already did the math for them.  I assumed a $400/month savings.  At 5% interest, which is way too low (long term) for mutual funds, but I want to be conservative for the LW, lol.  

If they put away $4800/year for the next 50 years.  At the age of 61, they will be a hair over $1M.  With $769,000 coming just from interest.

Or the short answer for the LW, "Because it helps the environment and I'll amass over one million dollars for my retirement, just by not owning a car."

bolded - depends on the area. Where I live, it doesn't make a huge difference between car payment and gas vs bus pass. {not including insurance and maintenance}
If I lived or worked in a more city area, probably yes. Downtown has terrible traffic, so if I worked there I would not want to pay parking.

I did the same calculations for my area.  It's weird - you would think public transportation would be more accessible when it comes to pricing.  The people who can't afford a car must still have a hard time getting around.  Ontario needs to get better at that!  I still use public transit to get to Toronto, and I drive halfway and it still costs an arm and a leg.  I tend to limit my trips ....

MissKittyDanger

kerbohl said:

MissKittyDanger said:

short+sassy said:

I think the LW should take this opportunity to impress people with what they have learned

They mention they are in a finance internship.  I assume that is also their major.  They should figure out their monthly savings from not paying a car note and insurance (minus the bus fares).  And how much they will have saved for their retirement...putting that same money into bonds or safe mutual funds instead...50 years from now, from not owning a car.

I already did the math for them.  I assumed a $400/month savings.  At 5% interest, which is way too low (long term) for mutual funds, but I want to be conservative for the LW, lol.  

If they put away $4800/year for the next 50 years.  At the age of 61, they will be a hair over $1M.  With $769,000 coming just from interest.

Or the short answer for the LW, "Because it helps the environment and I'll amass over one million dollars for my retirement, just by not owning a car."

bolded - depends on the area. Where I live, it doesn't make a huge difference between car payment and gas vs bus pass. {not including insurance and maintenance}
If I lived or worked in a more city area, probably yes. Downtown has terrible traffic, so if I worked there I would not want to pay parking.

I did the same calculations for my area.  It's weird - you would think public transportation would be more accessible when it comes to pricing.  The people who can't afford a car must still have a hard time getting around.  Ontario needs to get better at that!  I still use public transit to get to Toronto, and I drive halfway and it still costs an arm and a leg.  I tend to limit my trips ....

LOLOLOLOL OTTAWA SUCKS DICK ON TRANSIT!!!!
We've LRT but they fucked it sooooo hard that we're just never going to get it.

Work downtown? Best to bus.

Work ANYWHERE ELSE? NOPE
Tbh I live in a suburb and my work does not necessarily need highway driving so it's actually not bad.

$120 monthly pass.
With M picking me up, I'm paying half that now.

I could go on a whole rant/tangent on our transit system

short+sassy

kerbohl said:

MissKittyDanger said:

short+sassy said:

I think the LW should take this opportunity to impress people with what they have learned

They mention they are in a finance internship.  I assume that is also their major.  They should figure out their monthly savings from not paying a car note and insurance (minus the bus fares).  And how much they will have saved for their retirement...putting that same money into bonds or safe mutual funds instead...50 years from now, from not owning a car.

I already did the math for them.  I assumed a $400/month savings.  At 5% interest, which is way too low (long term) for mutual funds, but I want to be conservative for the LW, lol.  

If they put away $4800/year for the next 50 years.  At the age of 61, they will be a hair over $1M.  With $769,000 coming just from interest.

Or the short answer for the LW, "Because it helps the environment and I'll amass over one million dollars for my retirement, just by not owning a car."

bolded - depends on the area. Where I live, it doesn't make a huge difference between car payment and gas vs bus pass. {not including insurance and maintenance}
If I lived or worked in a more city area, probably yes. Downtown has terrible traffic, so if I worked there I would not want to pay parking.

I did the same calculations for my area.  It's weird - you would think public transportation would be more accessible when it comes to pricing.  The people who can't afford a car must still have a hard time getting around.  Ontario needs to get better at that!  I still use public transit to get to Toronto, and I drive halfway and it still costs an arm and a leg.  I tend to limit my trips ....

SIB:

Interesting!  That does sound so crazy.

I looked it up out of curiosity.  Here in NOLA, you can buy a one-month pass of unlimited transportation for $55.  But we only have buses and streetcars.

The LW said they live in a small town.  So I'd bet it's something similar to that.  I'm sure it's a lot cheaper to support a public bus system than the rails and/or subways you see in bigger cities.

MyNameIsNot

"It's none of your business, that's why." I don't understand why people feel like they're owed so much explanation about other people's choices. 

VarunaTT

MyNameIsNot said:

"It's none of your business, that's why." I don't understand why people feel like they're owed so much explanation about other people's choices. 

I'm glad you said this.  Maybe it's just my age starting to show, but I really dislike it when people just think they're owed information that they absolutely are not.  I can get pretty aggressive about it too, "you don't need to know, that's why."