Wedding Party


Re: Deleted

  • Your bridesmaids don't "owe" you a shower or bachelorette party. If you asked them to throw them for you, then that was inappropriate. If the bridesmaids volunteered to do so, then that's different and it was not appropriate for her to complain to you about the cost. I would have told her that she would have to take that up with the other bridesmaids. If she didn't want to attend the bachelorette party because of its location (or for any other reasons) then that was her prerogative, although I agree that she behaved like a bitch about it.

    You were entitled to choose the bridesmaids' outfits, and her trying to get the other bridesmaids to agree to something behind your back was also bitchy.

    But she doesn't owe you an apology for quitting her job. If it didn't work out for her then it didn't work out. We don't always know going in how a job will turn out. If it made you look bad that you recommended someone who quit soon after, then that's not on you.

    And her cheating on her boyfriend is not your business. You can disapprove of that all you like, but throwing her out of the wedding party over it would be as much of a  friendship-ending move as throwing her out for any other reason save violent behavior and sleeping with the groom (and in those instances the friendship is dead anyway).

    So before you do anything else, decide whether you want to retain her friendship. Then act accordingly.
  • edited November 2020


  • Change the parameters of the question...  Is this person someone you still want to be great friends with on your 25th/50th Anniversary?  Is this person someone who's face you want to be looking at on the wedding picture on your wall for the next 65+ years given how they've been treating you and others around you?

    Friendships are a two way street, but it sounds like you've already made up your mind you just need to take the people pleaser welcome mat shirt off and stand for your decision.  Talk with your FI, remember you don't need "even sides", if there are any costs that she's likely to have incurred be willing to cut a check (BM dress or tangible shower contribution for example) if you don't want to feel like you've inconvenienced her, etc. Yes, it is typically a friendship ending move, but regret can last a long time as well...

  • Why did you ask your BMs so far out from the wedding? You asked her TWO years ago? When is your wedding?? 

    I think your first mistake was asking someone to be in your WP and expecting that to improve your friendship. And asking her because you were worried she'd be mad. None of these are reasons to ask someone you stand next to you on your wedding day. 

    Her quitting a job she didn't like after 3 months shouldn't even be a part of this story. That happens. She doesn't owe you an explanation. Just like she doesn't owe you an explanation for what happens in her relationship. She didn't cheat on you. Honestly, I feel like it's none of your business. And I say this as someone that is currently divorcing a man that cheated on me for months in my own home. 

    If you don't want to be friends with her any longer, then remove her. I personally think your reasons are shitty though. 
  • It sounds like you just don't really like each other anymore. That's fine. People change. But rather than kicking her out of your WP, just ask what she wants from your friendship. She may be hoping for a chance to end things and withdraw.
  • There's a lot that is tied up in this but what I want to advise is that a relationship can start up again just as it ends. 

    The groomsmen hasn't broken up with her yet and they could get back together even if they do.   What's your game plan then?  

  • Covid postponed my wedding by over a year. 
  • Covid postponed my wedding by over a year. 
    But you said you asked them 2 years ago. We've been in the Covid pandemic for 6ish months. Even if your wedding were to have happened during quarantine, you basically asked them 1.5 years out??

    Also, don't delete your posts. 
  • Darn, I wish I quoted the OP before replying above.
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