Too Early TUESDAY

VarunaTT

When I say they left their stuff at my place (please note, K is somewhat of a hoarder and we had been having issues bc I was like, I don't care what you buy, it's your stuff/money, however, it needs to live somewhere; somewhere for them was usually the floor), this is all of it.  There are 2 of those wire storage things and the big pile is what I've separated out of the living room.  I can't even finish separating stuff (this isn't what's still in the closet, they only took work clothes) b/c there's no goddamn room in a 1650 square apartment to do so.

ei34

Omg that would drive me insane @VarunaTT!! I hate piles of “stuff”.  I hope R comes for it soon 🤞🏻 (Sidenote you have nice floors!)

missJeanLouise

Oh Varuna. I wish I could come help you, that looks very overwhelming.

MissKittyDanger

@VarunaTT nope. My petty a.f self would get all that in my car and drive-way drop.
K can't be considerate of you, why should you be considerate of their shit.

Side note - no details necessary, but how did you figure they were planning this?

VarunaTT

MissKittyDanger said:

@VarunaTT nope. My petty a.f self would get all that in my car and drive-way drop.
K can't be considerate of you, why should you be considerate of their shit.

Side note - no details necessary, but how did you figure they were planning this?

I was going through shared accounts/PWs and changing things/removing things as necessary.  I was honestly trying to get their FB info off of my phone and when I held it down (b/c that's how you usually deleted it), it said their PW was changed 3 months ago.  The big thing though, was I was trying to delete an email I had set up for them...man, in our first year together, to start using for their drag stuffs, emails, contracts, videos for Youtube, etc.  They never, I mean never used it.  I went in to delete it (b/c it was attached to my emails) and the PW was changed "53 days ago."

These 2 dates line up with something else happening, which basically w/out a lot of details goes into K always has their next woman lined up before they leave the one they're with.  And since that woman walked into my fucking apartment with K on Sunday to help K pack up the little bit of shit they did take, I'm fairly sure I'm right about everything that's been happening the last few months in our relationship.  Which is them finding someone else to take care of them, and then boucing.

BYE BITCH.  Have fun with the cowardly child, new woman.

short+sassy

MNNEBride said:

@MissKittyDanger - I'm sorry about your grandmother
@climbingwife - I hope your lawyer has good news and calls soon
@VarunaTT - glad you have changed the locks, closed the account and notified K's mom to get their things out.  It stinks that they had been planning this for awhile and weren't adult enough to tell you.

I'm back working onsite today and like the rest of the week.  They are replacing siding on our apartment building.  They haven't started ours yet but are working next door and almost finished.  I had to be onsite for an appointment with DH this morning anyway, so thought I'd just work at my old cube.  It's pretty strange - a few people working here but most in offices with doors closed.  All my things are still at my desk but I had to borrow a chair.  Ours are tagged and going to the warehouse where we can pick them up and take them to use at home.  After we close on the house Monday, I'll pick up mine and take to there until we move in.  

Went to look at toilets and extra kitchen/laundry cabinets last night with my brother.  We are upgrading to "tall" toilets at the new house.  Lots of features to consider - who knew!  The pantry cabinets I chose don't match the current kitchen cabinets so likely will get unfinished ones that match and have the painter finish them.  Need to do a final measure on Monday afternoon.  Unfinished ones are better quality so that's good but are also almost 2x the price plus finishing.  I think we'll be happier with them in the long run.  

Also need to pick a paint color.  It will be a light gray.  Sherwin Williams Agreeable Gray is a contender.  The other is SW Passive, which is cooler and lighter.  The great room faces North and doesn't get much light so want a little lighter color.  Choices, Choices!

Sherwin Williams Agreeable Gray is a popular choice in the real estate investing (rei) world, both for rentals and flips.

A sign that @short+sassy spends too much time reading REI forums?  When she starts recognizing the names of Sherwin Williams paint colors, lmao.

banana468

VarunaTT said:

MissKittyDanger said:

@VarunaTT nope. My petty a.f self would get all that in my car and drive-way drop.
K can't be considerate of you, why should you be considerate of their shit.

Side note - no details necessary, but how did you figure they were planning this?

I was going through shared accounts/PWs and changing things/removing things as necessary.  I was honestly trying to get their FB info off of my phone and when I held it down (b/c that's how you usually deleted it), it said their PW was changed 3 months ago.  The big thing though, was I was trying to delete an email I had set up for them...man, in our first year together, to start using for their drag stuffs, emails, contracts, videos for Youtube, etc.  They never, I mean never used it.  I went in to delete it (b/c it was attached to my emails) and the PW was changed "53 days ago."

These 2 dates line up with something else happening, which basically w/out a lot of details goes into K always has their next woman lined up before they leave the one they're with.  And since that woman walked into my fucking apartment with K on Sunday to help K pack up the little bit of shit they did take, I'm fairly sure I'm right about everything that's been happening the last few months in our relationship.  Which is them finding someone else to take care of them, and then boucing.

BYE BITCH.  Have fun with the cowardly child, new woman.

So she's manipulative and codependent? 

FWIW, my FIL found this when a dear friend of his reported that his wife left him only his estranged wife basically publicized her entire FB profile.  He saw that it was planned for MONTHS. 

I wouldn't do anything you can't legally do but I'd want to get all their things out.  What ARE you legally allowed to do in this situation??  What a metric fuckton that she's left.  

Casadena

VarunaTT said:

MissKittyDanger said:

@VarunaTT nope. My petty a.f self would get all that in my car and drive-way drop.
K can't be considerate of you, why should you be considerate of their shit.

Side note - no details necessary, but how did you figure they were planning this?

I was going through shared accounts/PWs and changing things/removing things as necessary.  I was honestly trying to get their FB info off of my phone and when I held it down (b/c that's how you usually deleted it), it said their PW was changed 3 months ago.  The big thing though, was I was trying to delete an email I had set up for them...man, in our first year together, to start using for their drag stuffs, emails, contracts, videos for Youtube, etc.  They never, I mean never used it.  I went in to delete it (b/c it was attached to my emails) and the PW was changed "53 days ago."

These 2 dates line up with something else happening, which basically w/out a lot of details goes into K always has their next woman lined up before they leave the one they're with.  And since that woman walked into my fucking apartment with K on Sunday to help K pack up the little bit of shit they did take, I'm fairly sure I'm right about everything that's been happening the last few months in our relationship.  Which is them finding someone else to take care of them, and then boucing.

BYE BITCH.  Have fun with the cowardly child, new woman.

Wow varuna - what a manipulative bitch.  I know it's a fuckton of stuff and wouldn't suggest anything illegal, but getting a few people to help you drop that shit off at R's would be my first plan.  Just get it out, you dont' need that.  

I'm so sorry this is happening. 

VarunaTT

There honestly has been so many problems and they've escalated in the last year.  And I was in love with them, so kept making excuses about how it was just 2020, how it was just their mental health, how it was just their disappointment over graduation, etc.

But, if I'm being honest, it's all of that and more.  Their mental illness is out of control and untreated.  They're self-sabotaging their possibility of a new job.  They are way too attached to their home health care patient and I had been telling them that.  As much as I will miss the wonderful times we had, it's also going to be nice not to have to watch my partner like a hawk when we're out, looking for signs of anger/mania happening, having to deal with them in a mania and being called a piece of shit and other various horrible things.  One of the last meltdowns they ran to their parents and told their parents I had kidnapped them and stolen their car and they had to run b/c I might come back.

And I'm working to not be upset with myself.  B/c as I tell people these things, I hear them coming out of my mouth, and I'm like WTF Varuna?  Why did you endure these things?  My therapist has been very helpful and I'm super glad I'm already in therapy.  Without that and the strength of friends, I probably wouldn't be holding on nearly as well as I am (which as one friend put it, was white knuckles).

short+sassy

ei34 said:

Omg that would drive me insane @VarunaTT!! I hate piles of “stuff”.  I hope R comes for it soon 🤞🏻 (Sidenote you have nice floors!)

SIB:
@VarunaTT, I remember when you all first moved into that place and you posted pics of it, albeit emptier.  It was so nice looking and spacious!  With spots of exposed brick here and there.  I know it's a small consolation, but at least now you can make the place "yours" and don't have to keep fighting back the tides of "stuff".

VarunaTT

short+sassy said:

ei34 said:

Omg that would drive me insane @VarunaTT!! I hate piles of “stuff”.  I hope R comes for it soon 🤞🏻 (Sidenote you have nice floors!)

SIB:
@VarunaTT, I remember when you all first moved into that place and you posted pics of it, albeit emptier.  It was so nice looking and spacious!  With spots of exposed brick here and there.  I know it's a small consolation, but at least now you can make the place "yours" and don't have to keep fighting back the tides of "stuff".

My therapist said I had to start making plans and that's one of them.  I'll finally have all of the crappy stuff out and can start creating my own and buy my own stuff.  I'll have my dining room table back and at least can do a virtual dinner party or something, stupid covid.

Oh, they did try to tell me that I could buy the rowing machine outright from them, b/c it's on a payment plan in their name.  I'm going to tell R they can't have it; I'm on the hook for 3K in rent total (their half for six months) and that's just about the value of that rower, so I'll be keeping it, thankssomuch, and K can make payments or not since the credit is in their name.  Yes another illegal thing, but honestly, I can't see K having the wherewithall to take me to small claims.  And at 27, you can't have your mommy do it, love.

STARMOON44

VarunaTT said:

There honestly has been so many problems and they've escalated in the last year.  And I was in love with them, so kept making excuses about how it was just 2020, how it was just their mental health, how it was just their disappointment over graduation, etc.

But, if I'm being honest, it's all of that and more.  Their mental illness is out of control and untreated.  They're self-sabotaging their possibility of a new job.  They are way too attached to their home health care patient and I had been telling them that.  As much as I will miss the wonderful times we had, it's also going to be nice not to have to watch my partner like a hawk when we're out, looking for signs of anger/mania happening, having to deal with them in a mania and being called a piece of shit and other various horrible things.  One of the last meltdowns they ran to their parents and told their parents I had kidnapped them and stolen their car and they had to run b/c I might come back.

And I'm working to not be upset with myself.  B/c as I tell people these things, I hear them coming out of my mouth, and I'm like WTF Varuna?  Why did you endure these things?  My therapist has been very helpful and I'm super glad I'm already in therapy.  Without that and the strength of friends, I probably wouldn't be holding on nearly as well as I am (which as one friend put it, was white knuckles).

I think you’re absolutely right to work through in therapy why you made the choices you did to get here, but also to be really gentle on yourself! You were coming from a good place and yes, prob wouldn’t do everything the same again, but that’s work that can be done over the course of months once you are through with the immediate crisis. 

MissKittyDanger

@VarunaTT oh shit this is all terrible to deal with but glad you sound like you're good and speaking to someone to help you realize you're not to blame.

What a shitty thing.
I'm still petty a.f and would drop shit at the parents driveway

MyNameIsNot

Don't be too hard on yourself, Varuna. It's hard to see while you're in it, and even harder to see when you love someone. This is the worst part, but you will feel better. 

I'd still be really tempted to burn all their stuff, though. 

levioosa

*hugs* Varuna

charlotte989875

I’d be all Petty Patty and leave their stuff at their Mom’s if it didn’t involve ALL THAT STUFF. And I thought I had a lot of stuff. I’d also keep the rower @VarunaTT. 

And just remember you didn’t see a lot of those things because they didn’t want you to, and you want to think the best of people and be there for them when they’re struggling. It’s alway easy to see in hindsight but it’s never when you’re in it. 

Here’s to hoping R picks up the stuff and you can drink & sleep in peace. 

climbingsingle

@VarunaTT my heart is hurting for you, and I can relate to a lot of the things you've shared, because I did them too. I was killing myself fighting for an emotionally abusive marriage. Ignoring all the red flags. Telling myself that this was part of marriage, and you had to work at it, and fight for it. Even after he told me he'd put a bullet in my head, I didn't leave him. And that was last September. 

Please don't be so hard on yourself. You wanted to see and believe the good in someone, which means you're a wonderful and kind person with a big heart. And that's never, ever a flaw. 

I'm still waiting on my lawyer to call. And my friend just texted me that she just found out that her live-in boyfriend has an active Bumble account. Why are people such shit!? 

kerbohl

MNNEBride said:

@MissKittyDanger - I'm sorry about your grandmother
@climbingwife - I hope your lawyer has good news and calls soon
@VarunaTT - glad you have changed the locks, closed the account and notified K's mom to get their things out.  It stinks that they had been planning this for awhile and weren't adult enough to tell you.

I'm back working onsite today and like the rest of the week.  They are replacing siding on our apartment building.  They haven't started ours yet but are working next door and almost finished.  I had to be onsite for an appointment with DH this morning anyway, so thought I'd just work at my old cube.  It's pretty strange - a few people working here but most in offices with doors closed.  All my things are still at my desk but I had to borrow a chair.  Ours are tagged and going to the warehouse where we can pick them up and take them to use at home.  After we close on the house Monday, I'll pick up mine and take to there until we move in.  

Went to look at toilets and extra kitchen/laundry cabinets last night with my brother.  We are upgrading to "tall" toilets at the new house.  Lots of features to consider - who knew!  The pantry cabinets I chose don't match the current kitchen cabinets so likely will get unfinished ones that match and have the painter finish them.  Need to do a final measure on Monday afternoon.  Unfinished ones are better quality so that's good but are also almost 2x the price plus finishing.  I think we'll be happier with them in the long run.  

Also need to pick a paint color.  It will be a light gray.  Sherwin Williams Agreeable Gray is a contender.  The other is SW Passive, which is cooler and lighter.  The great room faces North and doesn't get much light so want a little lighter color.  Choices, Choices!

I love tall toilets - I'm never going back to regular ones.  It is one of those weird purchases that I often look back on and think  that yes, yes I made a good choice.

CharmedPam

kerbohl said:

MNNEBride said:

@MissKittyDanger - I'm sorry about your grandmother
@climbingwife - I hope your lawyer has good news and calls soon
@VarunaTT - glad you have changed the locks, closed the account and notified K's mom to get their things out.  It stinks that they had been planning this for awhile and weren't adult enough to tell you.

I'm back working onsite today and like the rest of the week.  They are replacing siding on our apartment building.  They haven't started ours yet but are working next door and almost finished.  I had to be onsite for an appointment with DH this morning anyway, so thought I'd just work at my old cube.  It's pretty strange - a few people working here but most in offices with doors closed.  All my things are still at my desk but I had to borrow a chair.  Ours are tagged and going to the warehouse where we can pick them up and take them to use at home.  After we close on the house Monday, I'll pick up mine and take to there until we move in.  

Went to look at toilets and extra kitchen/laundry cabinets last night with my brother.  We are upgrading to "tall" toilets at the new house.  Lots of features to consider - who knew!  The pantry cabinets I chose don't match the current kitchen cabinets so likely will get unfinished ones that match and have the painter finish them.  Need to do a final measure on Monday afternoon.  Unfinished ones are better quality so that's good but are also almost 2x the price plus finishing.  I think we'll be happier with them in the long run.  

Also need to pick a paint color.  It will be a light gray.  Sherwin Williams Agreeable Gray is a contender.  The other is SW Passive, which is cooler and lighter.  The great room faces North and doesn't get much light so want a little lighter color.  Choices, Choices!

I love tall toilets - I'm never going back to regular ones.  It is one of those weird purchases that I often look back on and think  that yes, yes I made a good choice.

I’m 6’0 with a hip problem.  I NEED a tallie!

kvruns

I hate tall toilets! DH got one because it was "comfort height" and I'm like yea that aint comfortable to my 5'4" frame

banana468

kvruns said:

I hate tall toilets! DH got one because it was "comfort height" and I'm like yea that aint comfortable to my 5'4" frame

I like them!  I'm 5'4" and after being on low toilets and two pregnancies, GIVE ME THE TALL TOILET. 

We actually have a toilet seat raiser for when the grown ups come to visit because evidently when you age you prefer your head to touch the ceiling while you poop.

short+sassy

banana468 said:

kvruns said:

I hate tall toilets! DH got one because it was "comfort height" and I'm like yea that aint comfortable to my 5'4" frame

I like them!  I'm 5'4" and after being on low toilets and two pregnancies, GIVE ME THE TALL TOILET. 

We actually have a toilet seat raiser for when the grown ups come to visit because evidently when you age you prefer your head to touch the ceiling while you poop.

I'm only 5'0" tall, so that is probably why I've never heard of a tall toilet, lol.

I'm picturing my feet hanging in the air a couple inches, like they do unless I'm seated right on the edge of a couch or armchair, lol.

MNNEBride

short+sassy said:

banana468 said:

kvruns said:

I hate tall toilets! DH got one because it was "comfort height" and I'm like yea that aint comfortable to my 5'4" frame

I like them!  I'm 5'4" and after being on low toilets and two pregnancies, GIVE ME THE TALL TOILET. 

We actually have a toilet seat raiser for when the grown ups come to visit because evidently when you age you prefer your head to touch the ceiling while you poop.

I'm only 5'0" tall, so that is probably why I've never heard of a tall toilet, lol.

I'm picturing my feet hanging in the air a couple inches, like they do unless I'm seated right on the edge of a couch or armchair, lol.

**Stuck in the box**

Tall toilets have a seat that is 2"-3" higher than a standard one.  Think of the toilets in a handicap stall.

short+sassy

MNNEBride said:

short+sassy said:

banana468 said:

kvruns said:

I hate tall toilets! DH got one because it was "comfort height" and I'm like yea that aint comfortable to my 5'4" frame

I like them!  I'm 5'4" and after being on low toilets and two pregnancies, GIVE ME THE TALL TOILET. 

We actually have a toilet seat raiser for when the grown ups come to visit because evidently when you age you prefer your head to touch the ceiling while you poop.

I'm only 5'0" tall, so that is probably why I've never heard of a tall toilet, lol.

I'm picturing my feet hanging in the air a couple inches, like they do unless I'm seated right on the edge of a couch or armchair, lol.

**Stuck in the box**

Tall toilets have a seat that is 2"-3" higher than a standard one.  Think of the toilets in a handicap stall.

Oh, okay!  Now I can picture it.  Yeah, I don't like those and find them weird and more uncomfortable, lol.  I always feel like I'm "balancing" a little on them.  If I am remembering correctly, to fully sit on them, only my toes are on the ground.

But for the taller people out there who like them better, more power to you!  However, we will be keeping this discussion just amongst us.  My H is 5'11" and he'd probably want one if he knew there was a choice.  For our household, there is not a choice, lol.