Coed Wedding Party-Proposals

knottie3e7435dfe51f7318

Hey everyone!

Sorry this will be long...

So I’m trying to figure out the best way to include my future sister-in-laws. My best friend is my maid of honor, my youngest sister is my bridesmaid and my niece will be my junior bridesmaid. My oldest sister will officiate. 

I really wanted to include my future sister-in-laws but on my fiancé’s side he has his brother as a groomsman. So I think it would be awkward to have 5 bridesmaids and 1 groomsman. So I’m thinking of asking my SILs to be groomsmaids along with their brother being a groomsman. That way I have 3 on my side and 3 on his side. 

I was thinking of having my SILs wear a purple dress just like my bridesmaids and really want to include them. I made cute bridesmaids proposals for my bridesmaids and now I’m considering making cute proposals for my SILs as well but just changing the cards to say groomsmaids. Do these invites have to come from my fiancé? I’m just not sure the best way to go about a coed wedding party and ensuring everyone is included. I am thinking of having a coed bachelorette so that might help. Any thoughts or suggestions are welcome!

short+sassy

It's up to you to choose your WP and your FI to choose his.  If he wants to ask his sisters to stand up for him on his side, he can.  If he only wants one groomsman, that's also his choice.  Sides don't need to be even.  The people who should be asked to be in a WP are the people you especially want to be standing up with you on your wedding day.

If you're really close friends with your soon-to-be SILs and wan them to stand up with you, then ask them.  Though check with your FI first if he has been thinking about asking them!  But if you're thinking about asking them mainly because they are your FI's sister, then I strongly advise you don't.

Our society can be far too hung up on gender.  There should be more coed WPs.  Because asking someone to be in your WP should ultimately only be about friendship.  I've also been to both coed wedding showers and coed bachelor(ette) parties.  They're great!  

Even if they are groomswomen, whomever hosts your bachelorette party could still invite them if that is what you want.  If they are groomswomen, their attire is up to your FI.  But having them wear the same/similar dresses to the bridesmaids is fine.

A couple other pieces of advice.  Just call your niece a bridesmaid.  Not a junior bridesmaid.  The only thing the "junior" part does is point out her age and that she is (I assume) a lot younger.  Why do that?  If she's a bridesmaid, she's a bridesmaid.  Also, you mention you are preparing small gifts to accompany asking your WP.  Please make sure to ask your WP individually and without the gift right in your hand in that moment.  There is always a possibility someone might say no for personal reasons, but when there is a gift and/or a public ask, it puts a lot of pressure on to say "yes".

climbingsingle

knottie3e7435dfe51f7318 said:

Hey everyone!

Sorry this will be long...

So I’m trying to figure out the best way to include my future sister-in-laws. My best friend is my maid of honor, my youngest sister is my bridesmaid and my niece will be my junior bridesmaid. My oldest sister will officiate. 

I really wanted to include my future sister-in-laws but on my fiancé’s side he has his brother as a groomsman. So I think it would be awkward to have 5 bridesmaids and 1 groomsman. So I’m thinking of asking my SILs to be groomsmaids along with their brother being a groomsman. That way I have 3 on my side and 3 on his side. 

I was thinking of having my SILs wear a purple dress just like my bridesmaids and really want to include them. I made cute bridesmaids proposals for my bridesmaids and now I’m considering making cute proposals for my SILs as well but just changing the cards to say groomsmaids. Do these invites have to come from my fiancé? I’m just not sure the best way to go about a coed wedding party and ensuring everyone is included. I am thinking of having a coed bachelorette so that might help. Any thoughts or suggestions are welcome!

Why are you making this decision for your FI? How does he feel about having his sisters stand on his side??

knottie3e7435dfe51f7318

My FI doesn’t really mind if his sisters are on his side or mine as long as they are there to be part of our wedding. He sees it as having our very dearest standing up with us to support our commitment. Those on his side or my side are there for our union, not there for us individually. Which may not be traditional. I see things the same way but I’ve never been married before and I don’t have any family traditions or anything to go off of. His family doesn’t either. 

I’m not very keen on wedding traditions I’m just learning as I go as we decide what will make our day special. I would like to “propose” to our wedding party but I guess it’s more of a way to start our celebration early and recognize them for showing their love and support for us both over the years and for thanking them in advance for being there with us on our day. Also, these are people who have already expressed interest in our wedding, our planning, our life together and the unification of our families. 

So I thought having a coed wedding party with people we love would be fun, maybe the tradition aspect has clouded that intention when I say things like MOH, BM, GM and proposal. In all honesty I don’t really care about official titles. I think we would be just as happy to have every loved one at our wedding encircle us as we say our vows but our chapel is very tiny and the chapel is VERY special to me. 

As far as the junior bridesmaid thing that’s a good point. She will be 9 turning 10 at the time of our wedding. I wanted to ask her as a junior bridesmaid because she would feel too old to be a flower girl and I want to include her. She’s getting at the age where she wants to be seen as older, not a little girl anymore. I just love that girl so much! Maybe I’ll consider calling her a bridesmaid instead. 

Anyways I’ll probably just send out the gifts to everyone we want in our wedding party regardless of where they are standing. That’s really what I wanted feedback on. I guess I just answered my own question lol

Jen4948

knottie3e7435dfe51f7318 said:

Hey everyone!

Sorry this will be long...

So I’m trying to figure out the best way to include my future sister-in-laws. My best friend is my maid of honor, my youngest sister is my bridesmaid and my niece will be my junior bridesmaid. My oldest sister will officiate. 

I really wanted to include my future sister-in-laws but on my fiancé’s side he has his brother as a groomsman. So I think it would be awkward to have 5 bridesmaids and 1 groomsman. So I’m thinking of asking my SILs to be groomsmaids along with their brother being a groomsman. That way I have 3 on my side and 3 on his side. 

I was thinking of having my SILs wear a purple dress just like my bridesmaids and really want to include them. I made cute bridesmaids proposals for my bridesmaids and now I’m considering making cute proposals for my SILs as well but just changing the cards to say groomsmaids. Do these invites have to come from my fiancé? I’m just not sure the best way to go about a coed wedding party and ensuring everyone is included. I am thinking of having a coed bachelorette so that might help. Any thoughts or suggestions are welcome!

Other people have already commented on the other aspects of this question so I'll discuss the bolded.

I assume that everyone whom you already asked actually wants to be, and can be, your bridesmaids. "Cute bridesmaids proposals", unfortunately, can make a would-be bridesmaid feel pressured, even if she isn't sure or might not be able to. And if they have to say no for whatever reasons, the more time, energy and resources you invest in "cute bridesmaids proposals" makes everyone involved feel more uncomfortable.

It's perfectly okay to ask your FSILs to be your bridesmaids, assuming you are doing it because you really want them and not merely to "represent" your FI's family members in your side of the wedding party. But skip the "cute proposals" at this point. Just ask them in a dignified, respectful way, separately from anyone else, without giving them cards, gifts, or anything else. That was what you should have done with your bridesmaids.

And if they are your attendants, they should not be called "groomsmaids." This would only be appropriate if they are standing up on your FI's side of the wedding party as opposed to yours. 

knottie3e7435dfe51f7318

The little gifts I made with heartfelt handwritten cards were well received and I don’t regret it at all. They deserve it! My loved ones may be different than yours so maybe that’s where you’re coming from. We would only call them groomsmaids if they were standing on my FI’s side. Then again I don’t think titles are what’s important after more consideration as I stated before. Thanks for your thoughts!

knottie3e7435dfe51f7318

Oh and just FYI I did ask them individually and it was a special moment with each of them ❤️

Jen4948

knottie3e7435dfe51f7318 said:

The little gifts I made with heartfelt handwritten cards were well received and I don’t regret it at all. They deserve it! My loved ones may be different than yours so maybe that’s where you’re coming from. We would only call them groomsmaids if they were standing on my FI’s side. Then again I don’t think titles are what’s important after more consideration as I stated before. Thanks for your thoughts!

Your perception that your gifts were "well received" does not make this a blanket one-size-fits-all good idea. My advice stands. It has nothing to do with whom our respective "loved ones" are.

levioosa

knottie3e7435dfe51f7318 said:

My FI doesn’t really mind if his sisters are on his side or mine as long as they are there to be part of our wedding. He sees it as having our very dearest standing up with us to support our commitment. Those on his side or my side are there for our union, not there for us individually. Which may not be traditional. I see things the same way but I’ve never been married before and I don’t have any family traditions or anything to go off of. His family doesn’t either. 

I’m not very keen on wedding traditions I’m just learning as I go as we decide what will make our day special. I would like to “propose” to our wedding party but I guess it’s more of a way to start our celebration early and recognize them for showing their love and support for us both over the years and for thanking them in advance for being there with us on our day. Also, these are people who have already expressed interest in our wedding, our planning, our life together and the unification of our families. 

So I thought having a coed wedding party with people we love would be fun, maybe the tradition aspect has clouded that intention when I say things like MOH, BM, GM and proposal. In all honesty I don’t really care about official titles. I think we would be just as happy to have every loved one at our wedding encircle us as we say our vows but our chapel is very tiny and the chapel is VERY special to me. 

As far as the junior bridesmaid thing that’s a good point. She will be 9 turning 10 at the time of our wedding. I wanted to ask her as a junior bridesmaid because she would feel too old to be a flower girl and I want to include her. She’s getting at the age where she wants to be seen as older, not a little girl anymore. I just love that girl so much! Maybe I’ll consider calling her a bridesmaid instead. 

Anyways I’ll probably just send out the gifts to everyone we want in our wedding party regardless of where they are standing. That’s really what I wanted feedback on. I guess I just answered my own question lol

knottie3e7435dfe51f7318 said:

The little gifts I made with heartfelt handwritten cards were well received and I don’t regret it at all. They deserve it! My loved ones may be different than yours so maybe that’s where you’re coming from. We would only call them groomsmaids if they were standing on my FI’s side. Then again I don’t think titles are what’s important after more consideration as I stated before. Thanks for your thoughts!

knottie3e7435dfe51f7318 said:

Oh and just FYI I did ask them individually and it was a special moment with each of them ❤️

JIC

knottie3e7435dfe51f7318

Different people do things differently lol  I’m very happy with my decision and so were they. This is a special moment for us and I’ve realized now that I don’t need to seek the opinions of others. Just the opinion of ourselves and our loved ones ❤️ You’ve made that so clear and I appreciate knowing that now! This community should be more understanding of cultural differences. Sometimes people are more non-traditional, nothing wrong with that 😌

Jen4948

knottie3e7435dfe51f7318 said:

Different people do things differently lol  I’m very happy with my decision and so were they. This is a special moment for us and I’ve realized now that I don’t need to seek the opinions of others. Just the opinion of ourselves and our loved ones ❤️ You’ve made that so clear and I appreciate knowing that now! This community should be more understanding of cultural differences. Sometimes people are more non-traditional, nothing wrong with that 😌

JIC.

This was not a "cultural difference." This is based on our understanding of how people in all cultures might feel on receiving an elaborate "proposal" if they couldn't or didn't want to be wedding party members for whatever reason.

We're not required to sugarcoat matters we don't agree with, and if you're going to reject any other opinions but your own and keep patting yourself on the back, why are you posting here in the first place? You can be as happy about your decision as you want, but that doesn't make it right for everyone, and we don't need your permission to point that out.

We don't need to be "more understanding of cultural differences." If you want to keep posting here, then you need to take a step back from your own perspective and realize that it isn't necessarily correct or appropriate. Just because you think your bridesmaids were "very happy" with your decisions doesn't mean that's actually the case. They may have simply chosen not to voice their opinions. We aren't required, and aren't going, to make the same decision not to voice our opinions if we happen to disagree with yours.

And before you throw out any "I didn't ask for your opinion" attitudes, your decision to post here was, indeed, a request for our opinions on every aspect of every one of your posts. That's how the Internet works.