Reach out and go from there?

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

I dated a woman for 10 months. We had a great relationship, and we really only ever argued about the speed of our relationship’s progression. Which for me is strange, because I would have been all for it, with this person in particular. We talked about getting a dog, moving in together, even marriage—we definitely loved each other. But when COVID hit, I was still dropping in on my parents. She doesn’t have family in our state, and I felt like she didn’t take it seriously, wanting to go out into densely populated areas not wearing a mask. I left, and she said, “If you leave, don’t come back.” I’ve heard this from her before and didn’t think it would really be the case. I haven’t spoken to or seen her since April. I know she’s on dating apps. I’m devastated. I love this woman and wanted to marry her. I haven’t reached out, but I also haven’t stopped thinking about her since the day I left and feel this sense of regret and guilt and know I made a mistake.

CharmedPam

Ok but once this is done and over with, you’ll still know she doesn’t take it seriously and more importanlty doesn’t take other people’s health seriously. Not wearing a mask in public is a disrepect to people who are taking precautions. 

kerbohl

It's a shame that this woman didn't care enough about the LW to make adjustments.  There's lots of stuff I make the effort to take seriously because Hubby does.  If you care about the person, you care about making them comfortable and making sure you aren't causing unnecessary stress.

MissKittyDanger

I'm confused, it sounds like LW is going out but the gf tells them not to come back. Says gf isn't taking it seriously but LW goes out during lock down?

Am I reading this wrong?

charlotte989875

MissKittyDanger said:

I'm confused, it sounds like LW is going out but the gf tells them not to come back. Says gf isn't taking it seriously but LW goes out during lock down?

Am I reading this wrong?

This is exactly how I read it too. So I’m confused. 

MissKittyDanger

charlotte989875 said:

MissKittyDanger said:

I'm confused, it sounds like LW is going out but the gf tells them not to come back. Says gf isn't taking it seriously but LW goes out during lock down?

Am I reading this wrong?

This is exactly how I read it too. So I’m confused. 

Oh good. I read it 3x and was like "Wait what?"

downtondiva

I read it as girlfriend not taking the pandemic seriously and LW getting fed up with that and leaving. 

If that's the case, then LW probably shouldn't go back to this relationship. It sounds like their values don't really line up and girlfriend isn't willing to take LW's concerns seriously.

ILoveBeachMusic

That's how I read it @downtondiva

short+sassy

ILoveBeachMusic said:

That's how I read it @downtondiva

Me too.  With an extra scoop of the parents were in the LW's bubble, so LW was trying to take extra care to not be exposed more than necessary to help keep them safe.

The g/f the LW had been living with was not being careful.  She went out in public without a mask, including to densely populated places.  This put the LW, and ergo the parents also, into greater danger for exposure.

Now I'm reading into what I think happened next.  LW told her they could not live with her until the virus was more under control.  I don't think LW was breaking up with her or even that they were moving out permanently.  But she gave LW an ultimatum that, if they left, it was over.

LW left anyway.  They haven't spoken since.  LW thinks leaving was a mistake.  But here is another clue given about her character.  LW didn't take her ultimatum seriously, because she's done it before and always came back.

Me personally?  I think LW dodged a Crazy-Maker and is so much better off for it.  Find a g/f with a more reasonable temperament who takes the concerns about your safety and the safety of your parents more seriously.  And doesn't pout and threaten to break up when she doesn't get her way.

But, since LW thinks leaving was a mistake, I find it really weird that although they think about the g/f all the time, they have never reached out to her.  Does that means it has always been "her job" to make amends?  I suspect both of these people need to grow up before subjecting themselves to others.  

banana468

1) If "Leave and don't come back," is a phrase used throughout the relationship then your relationship is not solid.  If it's used frequently by someone who uses it as a ploy then SHE is a master manipulator.

2) She ignored the science. 

Leave it.  You wanted to marry someone and now have sadness.   You're in the grief stage of this break up.   You could be in the ventilator stage.  Consider yourself lucky.