"Stock the Bar" Party

bentlnic000

Hi All!
My fiancé and I are not the typical wedding shower people, but we do love a good party! I heard of this "Stock the Bar" party idea from a friend. For those of you who do not know, it is when the engaged couple host a party and the guests bring booze/beer/wine for wedding in exchange for a plate for food (or cup for keg). This kind of party is more our style, but I would hate to come off as tacky. Let me know what your thoughts are! 

MyNameIsNot

bentlnic000 said:

Hi All!
My fiancé and I are not the typical wedding shower people, but we do love a good party! I heard of this "Stock the Bar" party idea from a friend. For those of you who do not know, it is when the engaged couple host a party and the guests bring booze/beer/wine for wedding in exchange for a plate for food (or cup for keg). This kind of party is more our style, but I would hate to come off as tacky. Let me know what your thoughts are! 

These are quite common in my circle. It's a type of shower, usually as a separate shower for friends (not family). (There's no reason family couldn't be invited to a shower like this; it's just not common in my circle.) Like other showers, guestlists shouldn't overlap. If you did this as a co-ed shower with your friend group, you wouldn't also invite the same friends to a more traditional shower with family. 

Also, just like any other shower, the couple doesn't host. Showers are often hosted by WP members, but anyone can offer to host. The ones that I've been to have been hosted by a good friend of the couple, frequently in their home. The hosts would offer snacks and drinks, maybe a few games. Also, the bar items are the gifts. Some guests might bring themed gifts like barware, but bottles are the most common gifts. Hosts don't typically share a registry.

Most of my friends had their homes set up before getting married, but having a nicely stocked bar set them up to entertain for a while. I've never heard of anyone using the gifts to host the wedding. That seems like a cluster.

short+sassy

Showers are, by definition, a gift-giving event.  So, as @MyNameIsNot mentioned, it would be rude and tacky for either yourself or your FI to throw this party for yourselves. 

But assuming someone has offered to throw you all a shower, I think this sounds like a fun idea.  Especially if you all don't need a lot of things for your house.

Though I would leave it at a "Stock the Bar" party and not necessarily mention the alcohol brought will be used at the wedding.  For one, depending on your reception venue, you may not be able to bring your own bottles of alcohol.  For two, You don't want to necessarily feel obligated to bring and possibly open all the bottles of alcohol at the wedding.  For example, maybe a guest brings their favorite bottle of wine.  And then wants a glass of it at the reception.  The wine bottle gets opened for their 1-2 glasses, but there is a lot of wine that's opened, and only that little bit gets used.  Now, most of that wine is wasted.  Instead of you and your H being able to savor more of your alcohol presents at another time.

ei34

My gut feeling after reading your post was this sounds tacky.  I mean, parts sound familiar- I hosted friends pre-pandemic, and I’d provide a spread of food, and most friends would happen to show up with alcohol. If you remove the throwing your own gift-giving event, it could work.  As long as you don’t host it I guess you’re good.  
Wedding guests providing their own alcohol rubs me the wrong way, so I don’t love the using the gifted alcohol at your wedding (“stocking the bar” definitely sounds like stocking your own personal bar at home, not a wedding bar).  But, I guess if someone hosts for you, you’re welcome to use your shower where and when you please.  It’s a touch misleading though. 

maine7mob

I think a bottle shower is fine. The part that read as tacky is that the guests must bring a bottle "in exchange for a plate of food." Whoever is hosting (and it shouldn't be you guys!) should make sure that adequate food and drink is served. There's no "exchange" here, just a shower, in which the gifts are bottles of booze. So whoever hosts should think of this as a regular party and provide good food and drinks appropriate to the time of day. My brother and sister-in-law had a wine shower, hosted by the bride's best friend, and it it was really nice. We all just brought our favorite wine (you'll need bottle boxes to carry this stuff home, so make sure your host thinks of this!)

ILoveBeachMusic

I totally agree with PPs that this is fine as long as you aren't hosting and the gifts aren't in exchange for anything. It is just a themed shower with bar goods being the theme. I don't see it as any different from a kitchen themed shower.