How to deal with feeling left out

knottie11e424f19210cfdf

My boyfriend’s sister will be getting married next year and I’m pretty positive I will not be in the wedding party. We have been together for 2 years and I am good friends with both his sister and fiancé. My boyfriend told me last night her fiancé asked him to be a groomsman, but I have heard nothing from her about bridesmaids. I asked him how many people were gonna be in the wedding party but he said he didn’t know yet. And since he’s already making his picks, I’m sure she has already made hers. 

I’m not angry about it. I know this is their wedding and they have the right to choose whoever they want to be in the party, but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t feeling bummed and left out. Has anyone else ever been in this situation and how did you deal with it? 

climbingsingle

knottie11e424f19210cfdf said:

My boyfriend’s sister will be getting married next year and I’m pretty positive I will not be in the wedding party. We have been together for 2 years and I am good friends with both his sister and fiancé. My boyfriend told me last night her fiancé asked him to be a groomsman, but I have heard nothing from her about bridesmaids. I asked him how many people were gonna be in the wedding party but he said he didn’t know yet. And since he’s already making his picks, I’m sure she has already made hers. 

I’m not angry about it. I know this is their wedding and they have the right to choose whoever they want to be in the party, but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t feeling bummed and left out. Has anyone else ever been in this situation and how did you deal with it? 

Typically people ask their very best friends to stand up in their wedding parties. Are you expecting to be asked just because you're dating the groom's brother? 

MyNameIsNot

You refer to her as your boyfriend's sister, not your best friend or even one of your good friends. Are you especially close? If not, I can't imagine you'd be asked to be in the wedding party. 

There's nothing to be left out of. The wedding party is to honor your closest friendships. You should be invited to the wedding where you'll celebrate with everyone else. 

banana468

I think you can count yourself lucky and know that the FI is being very fair.

It's understandable to feel left out because it can feel like you may not have a 'role' like the rest of the family but the reality is that this is going to be a blip on the radar.  

A good friend of mine got married 15 years ago and I wasn't in her wedding.  I was bummed but went and had a great time.  Flash forward years later and the wedding is a distant memory but our friendship is not.     

short+sassy

From what you have described, I'm not surprised you were not asked to be in the WP.  The WP should be made up of people's nearest and dearest.  While you and your b/f's sister might be good friends, I'm getting the impression that does not rise to the level of you being one of her closest friends.

Don't get me wrong.  You're allowed to have your feelings!  Feelings aren't always logical.  I wish they were, lol.  You're probably feeling a little left out right now in the moment, because your BF was just asked to be in the WP.  But, if you think about it, there isn't much you are being left out of.  Your BF will be standing at the altar as part of the groom's WP, while you will be a guest sitting with the other guests.  That's about it and it isn't unusual for one half of a couple to be in a WP and the other one isn't..

If the bride has a bachelorette party and/or wedding shower, you might be invited to both of those since they often include a larger group of friends than just the WP.  But, if not, try not to let that bother you either.

It sounds like you have a good relationship with both his sister and the sister's FI.  That's great!  Some people are not so lucky, lol.  The fact that the sister did not ask you to be in her WP doesn't diminish the friendship you all have or the positive feelings that I assume she has for you.

ei34

I’m sorry you’re feeling left out.  That said, from how you described your relationship with your bf’s sister, I’m not surprised you aren’t in the wedding party.  WP members are typically your very nearest and dearest.  For example, I got along well with my H’s sisters but didn’t ask them to be BM’s...they weren’t/aren’t my inner circle best friends.

maine7mob

Try to look at the bright side. You won't have to buy a bridesmaid dress and won't feel obligated to attend any pre-wedding parties that you don't want to attend. I've always found it more fun to be a guest than to have a role in the wedding.

Her not asking you isn't a judgment on your friendship at all. It's likely that she has some friends she has known longer, or wants her cousins or sisters to stand up with her. And some brides ask people to stand up with them for diplomatic reasons. For example, they know their friends will be there for them, but need to soothe a touchy new relative (who will be related to her after the wedding!) by inviting her to be part of the wedding party.  So if your friend asks someone who doesn't seem as close to her as you are, this may be why.

MesmrEwe

banana468 said:

I think you can count yourself lucky and know that the FI is being very fair.

It's understandable to feel left out because it can feel like you may not have a 'role' like the rest of the family but the reality is that this is going to be a blip on the radar.  

A good friend of mine got married 15 years ago and I wasn't in her wedding.  I was bummed but went and had a great time.  Flash forward years later and the wedding is a distant memory but our friendship is not.     

This!!!!  ALL OF THIS!!!!

Also consider the advantages - you'll likely be along for things as the SO since your FI is in the WP, but you won't have to purchase and have altered a bridesmaid dress, purchase undergarments and shoes for said attire, potentially pay to have hair/makeup done, etc. Bridal shower, Bachelorette party, etc.